Should a girl ask a guy out?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2010
Should a girl ask a guy out?
7
Thu, 11-25-2010 - 10:10pm

I started talking to a guy on Facebook that I graduated from high school with. I didn't really talk to him much during high school, but have enjoyed talking to him lately. I am 23 and have never really had a relationship so I am still new to this whole dating thing. I have been on a few dates but none of them seem to work out.

I feel like any guy friend that I have never wants to date me, maybe I get to the "friend zone" too fast. I just want to know what I can do differently.

Anyway.. back to my original question. I like the guy and I would really like to get to know him better but I dont' think he will ever ask me out. I think he's kind of shy but I don't know him that well. I gave him my number, we text occasionally but he doesn't really like to. He called me one day when he was driving to the gym and he talked

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2008
Thu, 11-25-2010 - 11:20pm

Since he already has your number and you chat regularly, I would think if he wanted to ask you out on a date, he would.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 11-26-2010 - 7:22am

I agree with Violetblue.

As to ending up in the friend zone: have you tried being more flirtatious with men? I'm not talking about over the top silly stuff, just your basic girly flirting. The men who are friend zoning you may not realize you are interested in them.

Good luck with this guy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2010
Fri, 11-26-2010 - 6:35pm

I feel like I do flirt, maybe I'm just not good at it, or else they just aren't interested in me.. I feel like I give plenty of chances for them to ask me out, but they never do. I don't want to be pushy, but I feel like if i don't ask or don't say anything then I'm never going to find someone. I don't want to miss out by not asking, but I completely understand the thing about knowing that he likes me if he asks.. I just don't want to miss out on an opportunity.. I am so lonely right now and just really want someone to hang out with. I don't really know what to do..

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sat, 11-27-2010 - 8:45am

"I feel like if i don't ask or don't say anything then I'm never going to find someone."

I get this. I used to feel this way (in fact, sometimes I still do). When I was younger I didn't get asked out much, and so I would pursue men more. But I found over the years (and I'm 56 now) that it's better to let the man pursue in the beginning. You don't have to play hard to get or play any sort of games. And I know that just because a man pursues you in the beginning doesn't mean it's going to work into any kind of relationship. And I also know there are women who did the asking out first and it led to a LTR or marriage, but I don't think it is the norm.

But you don't need to sit passively by. You can make it known in a more roundabout way that you would go out with him if he asked. You can flirt and smile.

You say that you are lonely right now...I get that too. But I think sometimes you can come across a little desperate when you're feeling lonely, in spite of your best efforts. Could it be that you just haven't met the right guy yet? I think that when you meet the right man it will feel easy, that you don't have to pursue him or call him up to remind him you are alive.

As to being lonely--could you spend more time with friends doing things you enjoy, or make some new friends? I know you want a relationship, but perhaps hanging with your friends would help alleviate your loneliness, at least a little?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2010
Sat, 11-27-2010 - 11:46pm

The thing is, I haven't seen him since high school.. so it's been about 5 years. The only communication I've really had is through Facebook and the one phone conversation, so it's hard to smile, etc. I would like to go out with him sometime to get to know him better. Since we haven't seen each other for a long time, it may be different, and I hardly talked to him in high school. I'm not really sure how we started talking now.. but that's beside the point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2010
Sun, 11-28-2010 - 9:49pm
I'm guessing he's not interested. I texted him tonight asking how his weekend was, he said "ok i guess". I said "what would have made it better" he said something about not losing at the casino and that he hated being bored. So I asked him what he played at the casino and said that we should hang out sometime, he replied "craps and blackjack" so I assume he's not interested since he neglected to say anything about hanging out. Was this wrong of me to do? It seemed like the right time to suggest that we do something fun.. but I just don't get why he would text me back if he wasn't a little interested? It seems like all guys I have been talking to don't ask anything about me.. but just answer the question and go on.. like they don't really want to have a conversation. If I talk to him on facebook he will talk to me, but he doesn't really respond to texting.. awhile back I told him I enjoyed talking to him on the phone and that he should call me again sometime.. but he hasn't. I guess I should just let this one go!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2010
Wed, 12-01-2010 - 11:20am
Hi


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