Should I call/text him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2011
Should I call/text him?
12
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 2:19am

Hi,

I met this man on an online dating site about a week ago.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 7:37am

Hi Misty,

Well, the way I see it is that this guy is pretty organized: and that he confirmed the date on the same day says that he was looking forward to meeting you and that he is punctual. This does not bode well with the fact that he said you would be hearing from him the next day and never did.

In my experience as a male, that means that he wasn't all that impressed with the date. It could have been your nervousness, or maybe it was something else. He sounds like a nice enough guy so I don't think he's a player that sized you up as too much trouble. He most likely has other women he's online with and just thought that there are other opportunities.

But from your description I think he's a normal person and with that said I would suggest trying to get another date. If the roles were reversed and a woman did that to me..., if I liked her enough I certainly would put my ego on the line to try to get one more date to show my true side. I think most people understand that first impressions count, but have the ability to buffer that with the realization that new situations can put us in uncomfortable positions...,, and it is at these times that we can come off different than we really are.

I know you are kinda steamed about it, but send him an email and tell him you'd like to see him again at least one more time. It couldn't hurt, and if he doesn't write back or text then you know it's time to move on.

A

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 10:37am

I figure if the guy doesn't call you he isn't interested--obviously if he wanted another date w/ you, he would call or text, right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2011
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 3:16pm

Thanks to the both of you for your reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2008
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 3:55pm
I had a policy when I was online dating that if I had a nice enough to a great date, I would send a text or email thanking the guy for dinner / drinks / a nice time. I would write the text or email in a friendly voice.

I have friends who thought I was oh so violating dating rules by doing this -- they would say, if a guy is interested he'll text you, and you got to let the guy have his chase. But I was like, sheesh, the likelihood of me falling in love and running off with a guy who one day earlier was a total stranger is pretty slim. I need to know a guy before I really start dating him and I want to be friends first of all. So why not act like a friend and as a friend I would thank someone for paying for my meal / movie / drink?

The thing is, these girl friends are still out there trolling the bars waiting for guys to chase them and meanwhile I have a wonderful set of guy friends, some I've dated and some are just friends. I don't regret for a second a single email or text that I have ever sent as a follow up to an online date. All the guys I met responded to my "thank you" and some then disappeared and others became friends. Enough became friends that I totally stand by my policy. Pay for my meal or drink and I'm gonna thank you for that.

My point is: Don't be nervous next time -- view the first meet as if your'e meeting a friend, not a date. Maybe he's the guy for you. And maybe not. And play it that way. And ten, send him a text or an email and thank him for treating.


Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 4:03pm

You know, I just think this is another example of needing to grow a thick skin for OLD, or any dating for that matter.

Fist of all, I think it's really difficult to do dinner and a movie on a first meet. It's just too much pressure. I think if you meet, and then decide to extend the evening then that's different. But even then, I say keep it short.

I long ago learned to just ignore it when a guy said, "I'll call you." It's so much easier that way. Most people don't really know what to say at the end of a date, especially if they were disappointed. He could also have been on the fence about seeing you again on that first date, and now he's changed his mind now that he's thought about it. Perhaps he's lying in a coma. ;-) "I'll call you" to me is more like an expression, not meant to be taken literally. Yeah, I know, why not just say "It was nice meeting you"? Well, I think guys are nervous on first dates too, and they just say whatever comes to mind.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2011
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 5:26pm

You know, you make a good point about sending a thank you note after a OLD date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 6:38pm

I did something kind of similar w/ this guy I just met Sat. so I'll see if it pays off.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 6:40pm

Don't beat yourself up about it too much--just chalk this one up to experience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2011
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 11:35pm

Haha yeah I was just comparing first date's to job interviews!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2011
Tue, 02-22-2011 - 11:42pm

I had to edit my post because (as much as I want to be convinced to call him) I know I shouldn't.

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