Should I follow up w/ an email?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Should I follow up w/ an email?
16
Thu, 10-01-2009 - 2:41pm

OK, I don't know why I can instantly see what everybody else should do, but when it comes to me, I'm dense. Maybe it's because I just got out of being w/ 2nd DH for 8 yrs and then haven't had a date in a year after that, so I'm def. out of practice.

I went to dinner w/ a guy last night. I don't know if it was really a date or just friends. My 14 yr old Ds, the expert on dating, (hA) says it wasn't a date since we didn't kiss, just hugged, however when we were saying goodbye my car was parked on the main street of the shopping area in the light, so not exactly good for making out.

This is a guy I first met about 10 yrs ago and did go on a couple of dates w/ then, I think things fizzled out because he was always working and then I probably met 2nd DH right after. So I wouldn't mind if it was just a friendship. He's a good Mr. Right Now--fun, enjoyable company, we get along easily. He did make some mentions about getting together again. I would like to do that but I don't want to pressure him. It really took almost a month to get together this time.

I was just thinking about sending him a basic email, "thanks for dinner." I don't even know whether to add something about "hope we can do it again." or should I just leave it at thanks or not even email.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 10-02-2009 - 9:50pm

I so totally agree w/ you. So many women get into that frame of mind not making plans w/ friends and sitting by the phone waiting for HIM to call. Maybe that's ok if you're a teen and you know you always can get some friends at the last minute, but right now I don't have many friends in the area--my best friend lives an hour away & w/ our schedules, it's hard enough to get together, so I can't always wait til the last minute. I also have the schedules of when my DS is at home & when he's w/ his dad to consider.

It's funny, w/ this guy, we were orig. supposed to go to lunch on a Mon. He planned that at least a week in advance, then found out that this job he was on was going to take much longer than he orig. thought, so when he canceled that and changed the plan for dinner, then he made the plan for Wed. of the next week, which to me is really far in advance. I joked to him that I was waiting for the last minute call to cancel that and said that maybe he should wait til closer to the time, but he said that w/ his busy schedule, he really has to plan something in advance, so I guess he won't be Mr. Last Minute guy.

I think there's always that fear that if we say no, I can't make it, they will take it as rejection & never ask again, but I think if someone likes you, they will make an effort.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Sun, 10-04-2009 - 5:31pm

This message board is my woman translator.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2001
Sun, 10-04-2009 - 6:49pm

Hey thanks, and most women love the Man View, too. Very helpful.

I posted a question on the "keep your fingers crossed" thread. Maybe I'll ask you this: are some men just plain lazy, too lazy to plan an outing? One guy I've seen twice (who also made some jokes about paying the bill on his birthday and placed it in front of me--not funny), sort of wanted me to come up with an activity. He suggested a painting class.

Do I make light of this? Do I ask him to come up with something? I'm perplexed. Would like to see him again to get a better perspective on the guy without the commitment of a several-weeks course.

Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 10-04-2009 - 7:17pm

I think some guys are afraid to suggest something because they are afraid they will suggest something that you won't like. I remember when my 1st DH & I were dating, we would go round & round about where we were going to eat and no one really wanted to be the one to decide (this was after we were definitely a couple) so finally we just made the decision that we would take turns picking a place and everybody would get what they wanted sometime.

I remember reading something in that Mars/Venus series about how men really like picking the place and that if you compliment them on even the food, it's a big deal to them because they like making the good choice. If you say the food was bad, even though they didn't cook it, they take it personally because they made the choice of the restaurant & it didn't work out. So maybe that's why some guys are afraid to pick.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Mon, 10-05-2009 - 7:52am

Lazy daters are a bore. I went out with a guy last spring who, besides that fact that after 8 dates he never touched me, would never pick out the place to go. So I had to figure out what he liked, when it was convenient for him to meet, even get him directions (hello...you're at a computer all day for work, I'm teaching all day...can you take 10 minutes to figure it out?)

After a while it was annoying to me because at no time was he trying to figure out what I liked, or what would interest me, or what would please me.

At the same time, I think taking a painting class with someone I don't know well kind of weird. I'm an artist, to me art is sort of personal, and if I don't know someone well, I would feel like I have to be "on" for them and I wouldn't get into the art so much.

He can't pick out a restaurant, park, hike, trip to a touristy spot?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2001
Mon, 10-05-2009 - 4:18pm

You said: "After a while it (the planning) was annoying to me because at no time was he trying to figure out what I liked, or what would interest me, or what would please me."

And so maybe I'm trying too hard to give this guy a chance because he used a lot of his windshield time to call me virtually every day this week. Big deal. The painting is something I told him I did a few years back and he paints. But why should I look for a class?

I'm taking a step back to let him think of something to do--I do a scad of lesson plans every day. I'll email him my template for planning a lesson.

He can start with the Objective, go to Students will....and fill in from there, substituting as necessary.

So there and hahahah

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