Should I initiate the "exclusivity talk"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008
Should I initiate the "exclusivity talk"?
7
Fri, 11-19-2010 - 1:25am

So I've been seeing this guy for about a month and a half and things have been going really well so far!

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006

It seems a little soon to me to have an exclusivity talk. It sounds like you're going in that direction anyway. Now, I think as soon as sex enters the picture, then yes, it's time for a talk.

As to the other guy--if you don't feel like you want to meet him, then I say don't. Is it too late to let your cousin know? If he emails and asks to go out, simply say that things have changed for you since you first talked to your cousin--be really nice about it. Who knows, if things don't work out with the first guy, perhaps this guy would come back around. I know a lot of people advise not putting all your eggs in one basket, but I've never been able to date more than one guy at a time myself, especially if I have strong feelings for one.

But remember, six weeks isn't that long, strong feelings can disappear, so be careful with your heart. Don't try to rush this, let it unfold.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008

Frankly, I am soooo busy between work and school and my "me" time, it is really hard for me to date more than one date at a time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008

Checking in!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2008

Hiya! Yess haha. We had the talk right after thanksgiving and I was so scared and prepared for him to totally freak out but he did the opposite, he seemed relieved and was very happy that i brought it up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008

Yay!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007

I think it's fine to date someone else as long as there is no sleeping around which does not seem to be the issue here. I think you should keep your options open. He has not said anything about being exclusive and one must never assume. I have made the mistake of thinking I was in an exclusive relationship and was shocked when he told me he was seeing other people and he was not looking for anything serious. Interesting this is, I broke it off and six months later he is in a serious relationship, just not with me. Just date for a while. See other people, if time goes by have the talk, but NEVER asume anything unless it has been discussed. It doesn't matter how truthful or nice he is, he might be keeping his options open. If the guy bails when you have the talk or gives you the whole "not really looking for anything serious" talk, then he is not right for you. Guys really treat this boyfriend/girlfriend thing like it's a bad word or like they are getting married the next day.

You can also bring it up by just askng if he is seeing other people besides you. He might be, so you must be ready. Then just ask if he wants to only date you exclusively. Don't be afraid of asking for what you want upfront.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

Go ahead and meet this new guy.

chaika