should i or shouldnt i?(long...sorry)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
should i or shouldnt i?(long...sorry)
6
Mon, 08-14-2006 - 3:38am
hi all
im new here...i've been out of an abusive relationship now for quite a few months and after therapy i feel ready to date again, while not looking for anyone if the opportunity arose i said id go with it...and it just did...but there is a problem ill explain the background: my close friend(C) has been good friends with a guy(K) for about 4 years now..about a year ago he(K) had a crush on her(C) and asked her out but she said no as she doesn't like him(K) in that way...he(K) pursued her for about 7 months off and on and then about 5 months ago he(K) got a girlfriend and my friend(C) was VERY upset which said to me she liked him, but she still maintained she did not. so one night we all went to a party at this guys(K) house and he had broken up with this girl about 3 weeks before. everyone was pretty intoxicated and this guy(K) ended up kissing my friend(C) but she pulled away and said she didnt like him like that...about an hour later he(K) came up to me and kissed me lightly once and smiled at me then walked away...but of course, drunk me doesnt think it meant anything....fast forward to last night, this guy(K), my friend(C), and a few other friends were at another friends house(lol alot of friends i know!) this guy was talking to another girl at the party and my friend(C) started acting all sulky...when i asked her what was wrong she said nothing and seemed to cheer up a bit once he(K) stopped talking to her...the three of us left at about 1:30am(K,C and i) and decided we should go drive around for a bit and talk, so we did until about 3am and then i dropped my friend(C) off at her house and took this guy(K) back to his truck...when he got out he kinda hesitatd and then just smiled and said good night and left...i went home and came online to talk to my friend(C) and i asked her if she had feelings for him and that she needed to make up her mind cuz shed pushed him(K) so far away already and it would only get worse...she states she only wants to be his friend as its too special for her to screw up over a relationship...which kind amade me happy cuz i knew i had a kind of crush on this guy(K)..so then he came online and right before our conversation ended i mentioned how random it was for him to kiss me that other night at the party and he said "maybe it wasnt so random" well of course i cant let that one go! but he just says "maybe its a cliffhanger" and goes offline...so all i could do all night was think about this happening...now to today we had a long conversation(over the course off and on about 6 hours) and we ended up discussing my problem with being shy and his too, but mostly how im sarcastic (i.e. if a guy asked me out and i wasnt sure if he was serious, id kinda be sarcastic so i dont look dumb if hes not being real) and we talked about how he side stepped issues which i do too...we gave examples basically "dating" examples and he said "well this converdsation seems like a sidestep" and me trying to plead ignorance i said "lol is it?" and then he asked me out on a date....now the problem is my friend is very possessive of her friends(i became friedns with her sister and she wouldnt talk to me for months) and im pretty sure this will bug her, but i really like this guy and his firends have told me he likes me and always has but he never thought id go for him...so i agreed tothe date but we decided not to tell my friend until our first date is over(to make sure there is even any chemistry)..i just want to know if this is selfish on my part, or am i being a bad friend? i feel like i shouldnt NOt date someone because he liked her before and she pushed him away, it seems like finders keepers to me in that respect...anyone else agree or am i a horrible person for going on this date???
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 4:56pm

My first thought was that C & K have some prior unfinished business.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 6:36pm
it's definitely just in her nature to be this way...enytime she is friends with someone, she hates them being friends with other ppl, and things like that...ive talked to K and he said that we bothjust need to talk to her about this before hand so she knows and were nto blindsiding her suddenly saying "oh yeh, were dating now" but like we both said, it wont stop us from being with eachother if its what we want :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 11:26pm

I'm glad that you're talking about this.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 11:30pm
well im just glad to hear someone agreeing with me...as i think its unfair for her to expect him not to date anyone she knows or is friends with because she liked him in the past but refused to date him, because theyre "too good of friends" well really, you cant have it both ways..im definitely looking forward to this date and i think i deserve it after my last relationship which ended in court dates, assaults, etc...im just hoping she'll be a true friend to both of us and wish us luck if we have a connection :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 11:40pm
Good grief.... if they're "too good of friends" you'd think she'd want him to find happiness.

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Tue, 08-15-2006 - 11:46pm
lol we both totally agree...if shes either of our friends she should be happy that we like eachother and have found a relationship that may work out better than our last ones..but she's not like that unfortunately...but i guess if she wants to lose two friends over something stupid like that and selfish like that then shes the one who will be unhappy...