so confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
so confused
3
Thu, 01-22-2009 - 12:53pm

Hello everyone. So I met this guy about a month ago. we had an AMAZING chemistry and wonderful time and he was so into me since our first date. He called me everyday aid he missed me, we had wonderful dates and a great time...He is 28 and was dating someone for 7 months and was engaged so he broke it off...and he told me he is looking for someone else and he says we get along so well in our time we spent..and we r so alike and maybe im his soulmate. i told him im not looking to screw around..and i told him what my intentions were. We had the best time for a month..I was on cloud nine. he texted me he missed me and likes mee so much.


Over the past few days I noticed him calling me a lot less and not answering my texts or even texting me first.. so I told him to call me to talk. I asked him why he was acting like that and he said honestly..hes just scared and he likes me a lot and doesnt like games but hes scarred from his ex and he sees what we have as getting a little more serious now and it turning into a girlfriend boyfriend thing.. I was crushed. i like him sooo much and he says hes so busy with his family here staying w him from another country so we can talk face to face about what w r feeling soon, when they leave or something..yet he never said a time or anything. he says hes scared and likes me so much but doesnt know if hes ready for a relationship but wants to be sure and needs some time..bc he doesnt know what he wants. but wants to talk face to face.. and he says he really does like me and he isnt BSing me.


is he screwing around w me and wants to have fun w other girls? he said we had an amazing connection and I felt on clouds w him. He says its a defense mechanism..hes scared..he likes m..he needs to think.. I am devestated and feel awful..we had such an amazing time for a month..which i realize isnt so long but feelings get involved and I really like him..I feel so bad that hes making me wait around for him to "decide" My gameplan is to play it cool for a few days, give him his space and he will miss me....we had an amazing time..long dinners starug into each others eyes...and i actually felt myself around him... i think hes my soulmate..just from the one month we dated. it was heaven. I dont wanna play games..and i told him that,. and he says no games..


r all guys scared of commitment? is this normal? Especially aftr a break up w his ex fiance... its not fair he dragged me into this mess and NOW tells me hes scared and not ready. I miss him so much and its hard not to text him and i feel like im just waiting for him to say he misses me, which i think will happen...


Is this guy worth my time? he is amazing..or he was for the month until he said he was scared...I feel so hurt.. and want him so bad.....Do i just wait for him..its not like there is much else choice..Im trying to play it a little cool and lt him miss me..when u dont have something..someone sees what they r missing out..?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
In reply to: tunatartar
Sun, 01-25-2009 - 8:16am
WHOA, slow down a bit.. both of you are in the earliest stage of dating. It's natural to get lost with feelings specially being euphoric or in extreme happiness and excitement. But you have to take things slow, get a life, and dump your insecurities. Men always opt for the thrill of the chase.. And do always remember that men are on their best foot forward at the beginning of a relationship or at the first (until 3rd atleast) stage of dating. Second, never ever chase a guy--unless you want him to pull away! Third, be secure enough not to overreact, overanalyze, and overcompensate.. Fourth, you should be the one whose in control--ACT LIKE A PRIZE. Fifth, get a life, socialize with friends old and new, engage to your passion instead of wallowing over some guy who have all the excuses just to avoid you. 6TH, KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, date other interesting guys and keep your options open. 7th, let him chase you not because you want him to but because you deserve to be chased. 8th, be fabulous, lead a fab life by engaging with interesting activities (why not visit a charity event, sporty stuffs etc.). 9th, realize that everything that's goin on with your life is all about YOU--NOT HIM, right? 10th, dump him!(SERIOUSLY!) unless you want to get into a one-sided relationship and be shortchanged or you wanna go serious with a jerk..lol.
OK ok you're too interested with him and apparently lost upon your dreamy dates together---but realize that you're in the real world. So get up, kick your own ass (kidding) and open your eyes wide shut lol.. Be smart enough to know that fairy tales don't exist. List down the characters you look for in a guy.. if he possess all the qualities, give him a chance --BUT ONLY IF HE'LL DO THE CHASING AND EXTRA EFFORT TO PROVE TO YOU THAT YOU'RE THE ONE FOR HIM--OTHERWISE, YOU'LL BE WASTING YOUR TIME WALLOWING OVER UNRETURNED FEELINGS.. KEEP ME POSTED WHAT HAPPENED. I KNOW ITS DIFFICULT TO MOVE ON BUT PROVE YOURSELF THAT YOU CAN..
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
In reply to: tunatartar
Sun, 01-25-2009 - 4:34pm
From what I can see - and realize that I am only speaking from my own personal experience is that he is still stuck on the ex. If he was so into you and wanted something he would probably be texting you back and initiating the conversations. He keeps mentioning the "last relationship" and I also got that same thing from a guy I had been seeing for over a year. Turns out he's still "in love" or whatever with the ex and can't seem to move on. Too bad it took me forever to find that out and wasted so much of my time. Anyway I hope things work out for you and that it isn't the same situation as mine. Just thought I'd throw out my two cents.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
In reply to: tunatartar
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 1:23pm

You are playing with fire here trying to force something that is most likely not going to happen.


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