So much for that

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
So much for that
11
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 1:07am

As a conclusion to the story about the guy both Chemistry and E-Harmony matched me to, he "cancelled" the e-harmony match before even answering my first set of questions. Either he didn't like my answers or he didn't like my picture or it suddenly clicked that I was someone that might meet him in a non-date context. Who knows? The reason he gave was "other." Since I am new at e-harmony, I don't know "other" than what?

Anyway, that's the way it goes. It would have been nice, but the main thing that bothers me about this is that I would probably have waited to sign up on E-harmony until after my Match.com contract was over, but because this guy looked like a good possibility, I jumped the gun. Oh well.

Thanks for all the feedback.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: elarisa
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 5:44pm
Oh well... he is just one fish in the sea ;-)

Karen ~ wildlucky4me

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: elarisa
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 8:01pm
Yeah, it's no great loss. The other "match" from e-harmony also closed the match, so I am thinking I may just ask for my money back before the week is past. It was a silly impulse. I really am not interested in the "perfect match" at this point. I'll settle for a few casual dates!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
In reply to: elarisa
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 11:29am
I am on match.com and yahoo.com and the best one so far? plentyoffish.com the fish site is free
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: elarisa
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 2:48pm

Hi Sally... I've never heard of plentyoffish.com.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
In reply to: elarisa
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 9:52pm
just how does e-harmony work? i don't want to get sucked into a contract -- more curious than anything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
In reply to: elarisa
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 10:42pm

It is free to sign up - you fill out something like 400 questions and then put in your general info and they match you up with people who are alike you on 29 dimensions.

But there really is much more to it than that.

You get a profile about your personality and what you need in a partner. And if you do sign up you learn their way of communicating with someone else - you ask 5 pretty tough questions and also 3 open ended questions. And you have to develop a must have and can't stand list - 10 items on each - and you exchange those as part of the communication process.

If you sign up for free you can view your matches and then see if you want to pay. Sometimes they send out coupons and then you can get a good deal for 3 months or something like that. I think it is a GREAT learning process even though I have yet to find a match there.

I have kind of given up totally on OLD, though. But I am so glad I did it - it taught me so much about dating later in life and just about dating and people in general.

YOu see, I have some specific lifestyle preferences - like being in shape and healthful eating - very strong on those - so that is why I want to meet someone in my real world - am going to make a bigger effort to GET OUT THERE this year.

signature
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: elarisa
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 11:12pm

Well, I have only just tried it, so I may not be the best source. Others should chip in.

First you fill out a huge questionnaire. Next, you post your picture if you have it. You can decide to keep the picture private until a later date.

They work out a "personality profile" and a "compatibility profile" that tells you what you are like and what you should look for. Note that the personality profile reflects your mood/feelings when you took the test, not necessarily everything about you forever. I, for instance, am not a patient person, but I scored high in patience that day. (go figure).

Based on all this, they match you up with people. (As with all sites, you get to express preferences about education, religious background, height, age, location, etc.)

You get your matches and if they look interesting you get to choose five multiple choice questions to ask them. There is a list of questions that you must choose from. If they are interested in you, they answer and then ask you five multiple choice questions of their own. If both of you are okay with this stage, you go on to the next stage in which you share strong likes and dislikes "must haves" and won't haves or something like that.

After this stage you do another round of questions (I am not sure if they are multiple choice or open ended since I haven't got there yet) and if you still want to know more about this person you move on to the "open communication" e-mail stage. After you have e-mailed enough you either decide to meet or decide to close the match.

You can close the match at any stage. When one person closes the match, s/he gives a reason (multiple choice again) and the person who was rejected gets to give a response (multiple choice also). For example, the reason may be "I don't think our interests match" (or something like that) and the person might respond "give me another chance" (more politely than that, of course) or "good luck to you" or something like that. It's all pre-written, you just choose the message.

In my case, I answered the five questions and chose five more for the guy I was interested in and another guy who looked possible. Then both guys closed the match after my multiple choice replies, without answering my questions. It seems a little odd to me. What about answers to questions like "If you stay home in the evening do you (a) watch tv (b) read (c) clean house (d) other" tell someone if they really want to know another person better? (For my part, I figure I will not really know until the "likes/dislikes" stage.) But I wished them both good luck and I figure no big loss.

I have set it so that my picture shows at the very beginning so that I don't have to wonder afterwards if the reason I was "rejected" was that they suddenly found out I was chubby. In the case of these first two, however, I think we were matched before e-harmony had posted my picture. But maybe it wasn't my picture, they just wanted me to say that I played bingo or that I was more romantic than I said I was or whatever.

Anyway, there is also an option to skip all these multiple choice questions and go immediately to e-mail. I might try that if I stay around.

Right now I am waiting for a few days to see how it goes, but after their apparent success in matching me with two guys with roughly my same level of education and interests, their subsequent matches have not impressed me. One guy has written all over his profile how athletic he is and how much he loves the out doors. I have all over my profile that I am an indoor person. Great match, huh? (I closed it before it got to the questions.) Another guy is a sports nut and in the space in the profile about what was the last book you read, he answers that he doesn't read books. In my profile I say that I read at least five new novels every week and I discuss types of books I like and why. My relationship with sports is of tolerance but not enthusiasm. So how we came to be matched, I do not know. (Again, I closed this one.)

There were three other matches today that didn't look like great possibilities. (One is obviously a very conservative, uptight MD who is going to freak out when he picks up that I am a liberal intellectual. I expect he will close the match. I didn't do it because I want to get my money back at the end of this week if the pickings don't improve and I don't want e-harmony to complain that I don't accept any of their matches after the first two. To finish up the story, you have a seven-day trial period. If you don't like the service, you can quit up to the seventh day. I called to check on this and it was confirmed, so I figure I'll play along until Friday or Saturday and decide if it is worth it. (I got a 3 months for the price of one introductory rate--$20 a month instead of $60 a month--and I might stick it out if things pick up.)

I must sound like I am desperate for dates, and in a sense I am. I think if I can just go out a few times, get the feel for the dating scene, etc. I will feel empowered. I don't think online dating is a long-term answer, but for practice it seems quicker than other options.

My mother had a friend who said that what attracts men to women is other men. There is something about a woman who is dating which somehow conveys itself to other men. So I figure I'll try OLD for that.

El

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: elarisa
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 11:30pm
Interesting. I wonder if plentyoff fish is good in all areas. A lot of sites are better for one area than another.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2004
In reply to: elarisa
Sun, 05-21-2006 - 1:13pm

I did the plentyoffish.com it is absoulety FREE that is what I like about it, I just did it 3 days ago, I had 2 responses, spoke to one guy on the phone for about 45 mins.. we will see where that goes. The other has e-mailed me twice. What the heck if its free and nothing comes of it, atleast I haven't lost money... But I believe in the the old adage that it will happen when your not looking... So good luck to everyone .

Kathy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2005
In reply to: elarisa
Thu, 05-25-2006 - 9:39pm

I read your message and have to say i laughed, i cried, i was totally aggravated by the guys who just shut you down. see i just don't have the energy for that right now. i am in the process of opening my own business -- it's open -- i am just getting rolling with it -- (keep in kind this was going on while the divorce was going down) so my time and energy is spent on the parttime job i have, the business i am opening and most important of all my two boys. who, jsut for the record are at this point the only sanity in my life. i wish you all the luck in the world but wow it seems like a lot of work -- don't get me wrong, if it works great !!!

keep me posted. you have tickled my curiosity

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