Trying to re-enter the dating world

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2008
Trying to re-enter the dating world
3
Tue, 10-28-2008 - 4:42pm
Hi all, I'm new here and have a few questions - I'm just curious as to what others may have to say...

I was recently divorced (last April) after 23 years of marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Tue, 10-28-2008 - 10:48pm
Hi Terriredux, I would suggest you take things slow, maybe you can try to get out to exercise and pamper yourself to boost your confidence. When a man loves a women he's not worried about her weight. If it's meant to be things will be fine, believe me he will be just as nervous as you are. Also, get to know him better. Having sex is a big thing because then you start bringing your emotions into the whole picture and want more, make sure you are okay if he does not want a serious relationship. If he loves you he will wait for you when you are ready and be patient with you. You also stated he broke up with girlfriend on Saturday, I personally think it's too soon to get involved with a man who just broke up, visa versa, same goes for a women. Emotionally we don't get over a person in less than a week, especially if it was a serious relationship, good or bad, I would say he's on the rebound and why would he want to jump into another relationship immediately. Take it slow getting to know him, don't rush into a relationship with him until you get to know him better and see that he's truly into you, not just talking the lines especially because you just got out of a marriage. When I became widowed 8 years ago because I was naive fell for some things some men had said to me, can't change those things but can learn from those experiences in not rushing into things and believing what I was told. Some men say all kinds of things just to get women to have sex with them and then they disappear, also it goes for women too. I am not saying all men are like that because they aren't, you just need to follow your heart and gut feeling and go very slow. I wish you the best on you dating adventures. Also, take the time to get yourself back, focus on yourself first, and oncee you become completely content with yourself you will be able to give to others. I know I lost myself when I was married and my marraige was not healthyl

Anna


Anna

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 6:38am
I agree with what Anna said.. Regarding your weight concerns, remember that each of us has our own flaws. But focusing or obsessing on those flaws is a huge turn off for a man. Yes you maybe overweight but you have other external assets you might as well need to enhance. Plus, do remember that you possess non-negotiable characters that he personally prefer. Your age is not the age of being self-conscious. He is an experienced man and for sure, looks might be in his list but not necessarily his top priority. You can exude real sexiness if only you can be able to love the true color of your skin--means embracing your flaws while working or enhancing your best assets. That will give you the confidence you needed to get back into pumping action once again. You also need to atleast lower your expectations or better yet remove all your expectations. Yes he's been single for less than a week maybe? but it doesn' mean he's ready for a new relationship. Don't focus on him instead get to know other guys your age and make him just one of your options. THis will keep your emotions in check. Take things slowly as the first reply said. You'll be able to discover more of you and your wants and needs in the process as well as his wants and needs. So goodluck!=)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 9:06am

I had been with my ex for 20 years, married for 18. The sex SUCKED for the last, oh, 15 years, and we had only done it sporadically the last few years, due to his alcohol consumption and his fetish that made it like I was not a necessary part of the production, so to speak.

So when I met someone who was clearly interested, I was worried, too. No one had seen me without clothes since I was 21, and before a somewhat botched C-section scar entered my life. I had gained a ton of weight at the end of my marriage, but made a concerted effort to get more exercise and lost a lot of weight. When I met the guy, I was down a bit of weight, but I also had saggy skin and felt pretty self conscious.

But it didn't seem to matter to him one bit. I think if the guy is our age and mature, he understands that you will not be built like a Barbie doll. If he does, he is not worth your time. So there I am worrying about this, that, and the other thing, and he was telling me all the things he LIKED about my body. What a trip!