Ultimatium? A do or a dont?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Ultimatium? A do or a dont?
Thu, 05-05-2011 - 7:58pm

Hello. I havent posted here in a while and could use some unbiased opionions.

Long story short, I am in a long dist relationship. We met Jan of 2010 and its been long dist the entire time. Well, the goal was always for me to move to his state. But there was never an end date to the long distance. Say Oct or whatever. Well, everytime

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Fri, 05-06-2011 - 9:25am

Well you can certainly move on your own accord, since you do not expect to live with him or get any support from him. However it doesn't make sense to move to basically be closer to him, if things with him are not going anywhere. Sure I see his point about not wanting you to move twice if he finds another job. I guess I don't see the problem, if you make clear you will move to your own place and expect nothing from him, and you make clear its ok with you if you have to move twice if he finds a new job.I agree, this once a month thing has given you the equivalent of being together in a normal relationship for less than 6 months probably, so yeah you don't know the real "you's" yet. If he still resists you moving after you tell him you are prepared to move twice, etc, then I have to start to wonder if there is/are other reasons he doesn't want you closer.

You don't want to wait forever, so somewhere between now and forever something has to happen one way or the other. I guess you can either verbally give him a drop dead date, or make one up and keep it in your head and continue to try to talk to him about it and if things don't change by your internal date then tell him you need to move forward with your life and you want a man who will move forward with you.