Waiting is no fun

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Waiting is no fun
5
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 9:52am

So I met this guy from online briefly on Friday (we had originally planned to go to a local festival, but it was raining, so we just met at a coffee shop for about an hour) and we hit it off, so we went on a sort of date on Saturday (to the festival that we'd originally planned to go to the day before). It went very well.

When he walked me to my car he put his arms around me for a minute in a friendly sort of hug and said he'd had a really good time and he hoped we could meet again. I said that would be fun.

Sunday he e-mailed asking about getting together next Saturday. When I said yes, he replied with a suggestion of something to do. For a couple of reasons I am not enthusiastic about that option, and although I didn't discard it, I countered with a suggestion of my own. This was Sunday afternoon.

I have not heard from him since, and it is bothering me.

Probably it is nothing more than that he is thinking of other options and/or he meant to call me on the phone yesterday and didn't get to it. But I still worry.

Did it bother him that I didn't agree immediately to his original suggestion? Did he dislike my suggestion a lot? (It does reflect a taste that not everyone shares, but it is something I mention in my profile.) Is this one of those guys who likes to go on a first date but gets cold feet about the second date?

Am I being ridiculous?

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: elarisa
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 2:17pm

elarisa...

PG is slightly confused.

Why should ANYBODY agree to do something that he or she is uncomfortable with in order to date someone else?

I DON'T GET IT!

There are certainly many "mutual interests" that a new couple can share together? Does everybody say YES on the first one? I doubt it???

Look at it this way...NO CONTACT over the first suggestion that doesn't please you MIGHT be an indication of something greater? Perhaps this man's personality? If he doesn't get his way over minor things, what happens when there's a real crisis between him and a g/f? I admit I'm speculating, but I doubt one rejection from you would completely disconnect his desire to make contact in the future?

Wait for him to call you and come up with a better plan for Saturday. If he doesn't, IT'S HIS LOSS AND NOT YOURS!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: elarisa
Wed, 06-28-2006 - 9:48pm

Hi PG.

I agree. I guess my message wasn't clear. I wasn't wondering if I had done wrong to tell him that what he suggested didn't interest me. I don't see why I should do something I didn't want to do. And I don't see why he should do something he doesn't want to do. What I was worried about was that he wasn't e-mailing, or calling or anything.

You're right that if he had stopped communicating because I wouldn't go along with his suggestion but made one of my own, he would not have been worth dating. It would have been disappointing, but better to know now. Similarly, if he was one of those guys who couldn't handle a second date, he wasn't worth dating either.

But when you hit it off with someone on the first date, it can be disappointing to discover that they aren't worth dating. ;)

Luckily, this story has a happy ending. He phoned me earlier today and we discussed what we wanted to do. (He didn't like my suggestion much either, so we are doing something else that both of us will enjoy.) So all is well. :)

I was just being silly to worry.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
In reply to: elarisa
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 1:23pm

No you are not being ridiculous. I think you should always be honest and that if he wants to date you and impress you it is not a big deal for him to pick something to do that you both like. It was diplomatic of you to suggest something else.

He is not worth your time if he doesn't contact you further or try to make things good for you - that is how it should be in the beginning.

The other thing I see is the "online" factor - I have not had luck with that and feel the whole scenario is flakey at best - they call it "ghosting" when a guy disappears. Still, others do have luck so everyone has to decide what is best for them.

Don't feel bad - you are WORTH it for someone to date and do stuff that you like. There is plenty enough to do out there that it is not that hard to find something good for both people!! I would also like it better if he CALLED you for a date and wanted to find out what is best for YOU!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
In reply to: elarisa
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 1:24pm
Oh - now I see this post - yes - this is very good.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
In reply to: elarisa
Tue, 07-04-2006 - 11:35pm

Thanks for your feedback and support. As you saw, the guy did get in touch with me and we did go out last Saturday.

The story now is that he is interested in going out again, and I am not. I've been musing on what to do and I am just going to tell him I am not interested. Nothing else would be ethical because I really don't think that another meeting will change the way I feel. He is a nice guy, but when you scratch the surface, he and I are not at all alike in interests or goals.

Regarding online dating, I am taking it as a chance to practice dating. I am recently divorced and I wanted to get a feeling for dating more-or-less casually. Because I am 50 and not into the bar scene, online dating is the only way I could meet a few men within a few months. I agree that it is probably a risky way to try to find a long term relationship. I also feel that in my age group at least, the pickings are pretty slim.

Unfortunately, although I can keep an objective attitude toward the whole thing when I am not waiting to hear from a guy I am somewhat interested in, I can get pretty impatient and irrational when I am waiting to hear back from a guy. :(

Please bear with me. I will be saner after a few more months of dating, I hope. ;)

Elsa