Went too far 1st date, now need brakes
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| Mon, 07-07-2008 - 12:03pm |
Hello,
I think I posted this one the other board by mistake, but here goes .. .
I need some advice. I met this guy approx 3 days ago at a group afternoon get together. We talked; I had seen him around, knew very little about him and thought he seemed interesting. We made plans for that night. Well, things ended up going further and faster than I meant (no sailing occurred)! I don't know if it was all the horseplay, few drinks, (long drought) that led up to it but now with our second date only hours away I need advice. I need to know how to let him know that I need for him to slow things down. He is way more interested and way further in the relationship than I am. At one point I thought he might propose (no not really, but you see what I mean). He has called me/texted me, complimented me more times in the past few days than I have probably had in my whole life. I maybe exaggerating but seriously he compliments me multiple times a day and he doesn't really know me. I have learned a little more about him and his situation and now have second thoughts. I cannot see this being a long term thing. How do I let him know that I need for him to slow down and that I am not interested in anything serious or exclusive? I know I messed up that first night but I need to make this right without being awkward. Help!!

Man I hate to get compliments from guys who do not know me at all. To me, that rings soooo insincere. How can you say I'm the sweetest woman you've ever met when you've known me 2 days? To me, all those early compliments mean he is hoping I'll compliment him back and that in turn spells needy and insecure to me. I'd be running away about now.
I would tell him that while all the attention is flattering, it is also a bit unnerving because you really don't know each other at all. I would tell him that you got caught up in the fun of the day but in the reality of everyday life you just aren't comfortable with things moving so fast.
Let us know how things go with your date tonight. Good luck!!
Thank you. Things went well. I apologized to him at dinner for my behavior and that I did get caught up and let things go too far. I also told him that I like to take things very slow. He was receptive and stated that he understood. We had good conversation and he was respectful of my boundaries/space while watching the movie. I gave him a hug goodnight. When I called to say I had gotten home, he too apologized for his behavior and hoped it wouldn't reflect badly on him. I told him we could now try to take things slow with a clean slate.
I'm glad that you were able to clear the air and get things moving at a pace you're comfortable with.
As far as giving advice.....I'm great at other people's situations, I can see things very clearly BUT when it comes to my own love life.....I SUCK. I mean I REALLY suck!!! I'm horrible at dating, I pick all the wrong guys, say all the wrong things, I'm a mess.
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