What's his deal? So confused!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2005
What's his deal? So confused!!
4
Thu, 03-19-2009 - 7:01pm

Hey Ladies!


Ok, will try and be brief here....met a really nice guy on Match right after Christmas..was dating for a 2 whole months.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sat, 03-21-2009 - 9:44am

I think we women tend to want to know too soon "where is this going?" If you can live with a little ambiguity, I say give it more time.

If he's dating only you, then I wouldn't press it too much right now. If he were telling you he was seeing other people AND not ready to call you his girlfriend, then I think that would be different. I think some people take longer to really make a commitment. It doesn't mean they are a commitmentphobe, just means they don't take it lightly. I don't think two months is all that long to really know someone.

From what I can tell, this could really work out. No guarantees of course, but I don't see this as "stringing along" behavior.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Mon, 03-23-2009 - 11:49am

It sounds like he is not ready or does not want to commit to you at this time.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 03-27-2009 - 3:44pm
Personally I would say what is the rush? Maybe it's because I'm older (51) and hopefully wiser but he obviously likes you, he told you that he's not dating anyone else, so why isn't that enough? Why do you need the label of "girlfriend?" Why not use this time to get to know each other better. From my experience, it seems that when people are meant for each other, it's just a natural progression to getting more serious and it just happens. I was married twice and for both times, we just started dating, kept dating and went on from there to decide we were in love. We never actually had a conversation about being exclusive--it just happened because neither one of us wanted to go out w/ anyone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sat, 03-28-2009 - 5:32pm

I JUST went through this with someone I was seeing since before Thanksgiving. Let me guess, he came on pretty strong, told you he wasn't seeing anyone else (at the moment), now that you want to set some standards...oops, can't do it.

We did the same thing...didn't talk for a few days, a text here or there checking in...then finally "we're both miserable, why are we doing this" followed by a "date", a drunken phone call on his end asking me to come over (at 10 pm, on a work night, I have kids). But the "reunion" was still him calling the shots, keeping me with him, but still in check.

So I sent him a very LONG e-mail stating what I needed from this 'relationship': security of knowing I was the only one he was dating/sleeping with. I'm a single mom, I don't have the need or time for games and drama. His response was that he was "heartbroken", he cared for me deeply, yadda, yadda. But he was still not going to commit. And not sure I why I would not return to a non-fully committed relationship. I stated that I wanted to find someone to love and love me and that he made it clear he didn't want that.

Yeah, he is great, but if he is making these noises now, why sit around and wait? Trust me, it ain't gonna change. He may like you just fine, but on his terms. Don't sell yourself short. The pain of a week or so post-breakup is better than the pain of waiting for years for him to come around.