When & How?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
When & How?
6
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 9:59pm

#1. How do you know for sure that you are ready to start dating again?


Here is a summation of my story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Thu, 05-29-2008 - 8:18pm

You ask some very good questions, ones that we all struggle with from time to time.


I'm also 47 and I

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
Fri, 05-30-2008 - 6:47pm
Hey buckeye!
Fancy finding you here too!!! (We've posted to each other on surviving D&S) I have been thinking about this subject for a few weeks now, I know I'm not ready to date (it's been five months separation for me), but I'm wondering what the "rules" are legally. Does it compromise us in any way to date if we aren't divorced yet? And although the flirting is fun, it would be nice to find someone to spend the rest of our lives with eventually(I'm 49 and was married 25 years). How do you know when you are ready to explore the dating thing?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Fri, 05-30-2008 - 8:14pm

Hi Horse & Dog Lover!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
Fri, 05-30-2008 - 9:14pm
Hey Buckeye, it truly is totally funny :)
I too have been separated for years emotionally (and physically) and I find that when men pay attention or flirt with me now, I pay attention back. I'm in no way ready for a relationship for sure, but I do enjoy the company. Thank goodness I have a good circle of female friends!
I am from Canada, and I'm not sure about the rules here re separation & adultery (although I sure don't plan on having sex with anyone anytime soon ;) But I do find myself being attracted to some single guys... I get your mixed emotions with your neighbour b/c I have the same thing with a co-worker, he is a GREAT friend, and doesn't push anything but is always there for me when I need to talk. I don't even know if he is involved with anyone right now. His kids are the same age as mine, and is a great source of support.
My good friend said to me that I would have "re-bound" sex first, and I'm totally scared of that--haven't been with anyone except my STBX for like 27 years!!! I think I'll skip that phase ;)and won't get my feet wet yet LOL.
Good chatting with you, and it really is funny we met on this post after the Surviving S&D, although I'm still on that for sure, good group of gals and support :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Sat, 05-31-2008 - 8:22am

No, a relationship & sex are not on my mind yet either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2008
Sat, 05-31-2008 - 8:35am
I hear ya buckeye! We too have some similar friends, but I also have my "horsey" group of people. I have been riding a lot more lately, and spending more time with this group which is a super source of support (and my jumping is getting better ;) I don't have the same issue about finding myself as you, but I once did. I agree with you that the more you get out there meeting new people, and doing new things, the better it will be. Emotional damage I think is worse than physical damage because we can't "see" the scars. You are breaking away from the past already, and do enjoy each day (it's a gift!) I am going to be hosting our staff end-of-year party at my place (I live in the country) this year which is a HUGE step for me (I never went to the year end parties--stbx never wanted to). It will be interesting for sure! Take care, and always keep looking forward, it will get better :)