Where do single men in their 50s go?
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Where do single men in their 50s go?
| Mon, 10-16-2006 - 8:09am |
I know you can meet men anywhere, any time of day, any day of the week, but specifically, I'd like to hear from some single men in their late 40s and 50s...where do you go on a Friday or Saturday night if you don't have a date? Do you tend to stay home and watch TV? Do you ever go with a male friend(s)?

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No I don't prefer to be more aggressive...that's stressful too, lol. I've been trying to do exactly what you are now...a little give and then a little take. I think a lot of guys are just so used to being 'chased', that it shocks their system, lol. I'm VERY surprised that you haven't found women chasing after you...maybe she read the book? LOL.
Honestly I just get this sense that if I'm not the one doing the 'chasing', the guy ASSUMES something must be wrong with him, and then he just jumps ahead of himself...trying to get the strong emotions rolling, maybe?
By chased I mean pushed for more commitment.
I think more often than not, "you're toon nice" really means "I'm not really attracted to you but I don't want to tell you that because it might hurt your feelings, so I'll say you're 'too nice', because who's going to say they aren't nice back?".
In other words, it's an excuse. It's not that you were too nice, it's that she didn't feel you were right for her.
There's a section in "Mars and Venus on a Date" that discusses this.
Sheri
"I think more often than not, "you're toon nice" really means "I'm not really attracted to you but I don't want to tell you that because it might hurt your feelings, so I'll say you're 'too nice', because who's going to say they aren't nice back?"."
That would have been my take on it had she not been setting the boundaries for the relationship. She was wanting more from me quicker than I was comfortable giving. I wasn't NON responsive to what she was wanting, just on a slower pace.
Thank you for your reply.
Jim
Ah, ok, that makes sense--so "too nice" in this situaton really meant something along the lines of, "you're moving too slowly for me".
I actually had something kind of similar happen recently--I stopped seeing a guy I'd been out with 7 times because, among other things, the only physical stuff happening was a quick peck on the lips at the car when we said goodnight. Between that and him not making a lot of time to see me, I felt like he wasn't all that interested, which made ME lose interest. I didn't tell him he was too nice, though ;-), I told him I didn't feel like he was all that interested in or attracted to me and that he didn't really seem to have time for a relationship. He said that wasn't true but by then it was too late, my perception of his lack of interest (whether it was true or not) had killed my interest.
But that just means I wasn't right for him and your ex wasn't right for you. I wouldn't worry about the "too nice" comment or read too much into it. You'll be "just right" for a woman who's right for you, ya know ;-)???
Sheri
I read all the new replies with interest after taking care of my ex after his ankle surgery for several days and then doing Thanksgiving with our two children home from college. It's weird- when I started the ones about commitment, I thought "good god, I was in a marriage for 21 years- I wonder if I'd ever want to be married or living with someone again?" I feel sort of like a 16 year old virgin- I'm excited about meeting someone and having fun, and, of course, sex, but that's as far as my imagination goes. I haven't been on a date since 1982! I suspect that if I do meet a guy, I won't go to the living together stage as quickly as I did back then, but who knows? I have no experience that has anything to do with who I am today. It's all new to me.
I don't like bars/one-night-stands, and didn't when I was young, either. I like the idea of looking in places I go anyway- not to meet someone, just being more open. If I'm open but not desperately looking, I might run into someone I like, who likes me too. I worry that if I look "open" and interested, I might do something stupid or embarrassing. But, I know that when I go someplace with a smile on my face and say something friendly, people tend to be friendly back.
Frances
Well, I did go to our local Casino and there was alot of inter-play so to speak between myself and men. However, there or anywhere else I find that just what men complain about in some women ( being financially and emotionally dependent)is actually what they are looking for, that way they can feel a kinda hold and feel needed.
I have a good job , and I have been used to taking care of my own needs for years even while I was still in a marriage of over 20 years as well. They seem interested in independent woman but that won't hold their interest it seems. There must be men out there that really prefer that, and the books say that is what men really want but, I think that they forgot to tell men that! I have a male friend that was very attentive to me while going through my separation and behaved interested in me, but, as soon as I was emotionally organized and healthy he backed off. I hope the preceeding is just weak men, insecure and such because I would hope there is a healthy man out there that would respect my life skills rather than deplete his interest.
Good luck all, I guess I will drown myself in my work!
Suzie
PS to Frances from Pianoguy:
The ONLY TIME a woman can look stupid (to a man) is when she displays 'false feelings' that aren't part of her true personality!
While it's true that a man might be fascinated by them at the beginning...he'll see through the disguise after a certain amount of time.
Most of us enjoy being in the presence who a woman whose SMILE is GENUINE! :)
Pianoguy
Hi Frances,
I'm in a similar situation--I was married for so long that dating seems strange and it is especially hard because there just don't seem to be all that many men that I would be interested in who are interested back.
I did the online dating thing for about 5 months and ended totally disgusted with the guys that were available to me. It wasn't that they weren't "nice" --but most of them were rather nerdy and not as successful as I am, and it obviously bothered them. I've had two "nibbles" of interest in real life. One of them acted real interested for about two weeks then disappeared. The other turned out to be a little weird (ear plugs at a concert!), plus I probably mismanaged the situation because I was getting confusing messages from him (are we friends or are we dating?). I just feel so insecure and uncertain!
It used to be fun to date when I was younger --sure there was a lot of anxiety, but deep down I felt that I would learn how to do it right, that the right man would come, that it was all part of a greater thing called Fate.
I feel like I would be happy if I could just find a couple of male friends to go out with, even if they didn't want "relationships." I'd even (I think) be open to a "friends with benefits" situation if it was a friend I could trust.
I'm just lonely and insecure. I am thinking maybe I should get back into online dating, but the guys that were interested in me just weren't on the same level as I am, and the guys I was really interested in did not return the interest. I need to stop being picky and just go out with whoever will have me.
Elsa
Elsa,
Your situation sounds pretty similar! Thanks for writing. I don't get why older men seem to be able to find women that are more attractive, successful, etc. than they. I'd be happy with many things that I would have rejected twenty years ago- i.e. a friend with benefits sounds fine to me- but I don't want to settle for a guy I'm not attracted to, or who's not interesting (well, yes...smart) and somewhat successful/educated. I've typically been attracted to smart guys, looks come second, but I don't want an obese guy or someone too nerdy or weird. Your example of earplugs at a concert made me giggle- I knew just what you meant!
I toyed around with the internet thing a year ago and found it freaky and not for me. There's just too much missing information if you can't talk to the guy face to face.
I also feel (very) lonely and insecure. My hormones are out of control- I worry that I'll get so horny that I'll do something I regret. But, my two children are here for another day, and my loneliness is at bay.
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