Where do single men in their 50s go?

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Where do single men in their 50s go?
52
Mon, 10-16-2006 - 8:09am
I know you can meet men anywhere, any time of day, any day of the week, but specifically, I'd like to hear from some single men in their late 40s and 50s...where do you go on a Friday or Saturday night if you don't have a date? Do you tend to stay home and watch TV? Do you ever go with a male friend(s)?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 12:27am

Dear Pianoguy,

Thanks for your comment- but I'm a bit confused. Can you give an example of the kind of 'false feelings' a woman might display? (I'd like to avoid doing that...)

About the smile. I've found that going out my door with a smile, even if it's not totally genuine at that moment (i.e. maybe I feel lonely or pessimistic), winds up generating positive 'stuff' in the world. Sometimes that leads me to smile the most genuine smile- the kind that means I feel happy just to be alive.

Frances

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2006
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 6:17pm

Sorry, just a lurker but try www.singleparentmeet.com


That's were I found my boyfriend.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 6:37am

bluesbreaker...

Pianoguy has discovered that there are usually 2 personality traits in a woman that ACCENTUATE or DESTROY their credibility in a man's eyes:

1. A smile that's genuine...as opposed to one that's forced.

and

2. Agreeing with a man on an issue that she either knows NOTHING ABOUT or is actually NEGATIVE about? I guess this comes under the category header of: "Pretending to be interested?"

While a man can (or might) be "taken in" at the beginning...eventually, he can easily "read between the lines" between GENUINELY HONEST BEHAVIOR or FALSE CHARM!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2006
Tue, 11-28-2006 - 8:34pm

Suzie,

Hmm...interesting, and sort of disappointing. Did the guy who helped you back off when you became available for real, as opposed to possibly in the future?

I was thinking about all this yesterday and realized that in many movies I've seen about a middle aged woman going through divorce after a long marriage, she meets, by chance, her next guy early on in the separation. There's some reason why they don't get together right away (she's suburban, he's blue collar), but he helps her get through her grief, and then, eventually, she falls in love and they live happily ever after. In real life, the women I've known who adjust happily to losing their husbands are the ones who find someone else. Sadly, most of the separated/divorced women I know haven't found anyone new and struggle with loneliness. I feel that I have to be okay with living alone because that may be my future. I do better and better every month, but I'd like to be close to a guy someday and it's hard to wait.

Frances

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 8:27am

I didn't have any freaky experiences with the guys I met online. I was cautious and exchanged e-mail without identifying information for a bit before I actually met the guys, and I met the guys in safe public places. They were all decent guys, but nerdy. I dated a couple of them more than once beyond the initial meeting, but no sparks on my part. All of them were more interested in me than I was in them. This was gratifying, but it also made me feel as if I was being dishonest.

I know what you mean about raging hormones--though I am past menopause and shouldn't have any hormones acting up at all. ;) It's been more than two years since the last time my ex-husband and I made love. It is hard to think that I may never again make love to a man unless I settle for some guy who isn't really all that great, just cause I'm lonely.

Right now I am exchanging e-mail with a guy who I met through an online discussion group (not a dating site). He has sort of hinted that he might like to meet in person, and I have to control myself so I won't have too many silly fantasies.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 12:40pm

Hello dear blues:

Yes, it is frustrating. My ex-husband just about ignored me (no dancing, vacations, friends, he liked separate bedrooms, etc.) for 25 years. At that point I left for my own apartment and found bliss in being alone. He, in his sabotaging way had trained me for loneliness which I fully excepted in later life. At first I was nervous living by myself, but I became a volunteer at the local hospital, my church and went to a spa to keep in shape. I did everything for myself in a healing way.

Your idea about political discussions sounds like you are very intelligent person and there are men out there who like that IQ. Besides we need to change our society and that might be a good way for you to meet people.
Have you ever worked for a politician? You might think of working for your party. There are events all the time and they need volunteers. And there is another voting year coming up and newbys as well as incumbents are in great need of volunteers.
Best of luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Thu, 01-04-2007 - 12:54pm

hello Elsa:

I love your last remark: 'I have to control myself so I won't have too many silly fantasies.'

Thank you for saying that. I too have to sit on ice for my silly fantasy's.

I'm in my fifties and it is very hard to think that no man will ever be attracted to me enough to rack me up. It's been over a decade for me and some of my married friends do not understand this.

However, I believe that if it weren't for fantasys we would go insane.
Best
Lou

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Fri, 01-05-2007 - 10:43pm

Hi Lou,

As I said in another thread elsewhere, fantasies have their uses. They help give us hope. The trick, I think, is to balance the fantasy with the awareness of reality. Also, I think we both know that being alone is better than being with the wrong person.

I broke down as the holidays approached and joined Yahoo Personals. So far I have met in person one guy who I found irritating because he kept talking about money (everything is expensive) and was tactlessly alarmist (instead of reassuring) about something concerning my kid. Plus he was kind of boring. I didn't expect him to contact me again, but he did, so I had to turn him down. I mention this only to point out that if we really want to we _can_ find someone to make love to us (in their own self-centered way, perhaps, but they're willing). I mean, if a guy will call again after there was so little "spark" between us, he would certainly be happy to share my bed with almost no encouragement.

I'd rather be alone.

And this, I think, is the real problem for those of us who are "rejoining the dating game" after some time. It's not just that we are usually older and less attractive (and maybe more cynical) and more out of practice about socializing. The problem is that we are all these things, but we also have a much clearer idea of what we want and don't want than we did before--and a stronger sense of the price we might pay if we don't choose wisely.

Elsa

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Sat, 01-06-2007 - 11:09am

Hi Elsa,

Yes, I totally agree with you. And thank the stars we can just be ourselves and go to a movie or lunch with our girlfriends.

Lou

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 02-27-2007 - 1:53pm

Hello elarisa,

I'm the one who originally posted the question "Where do single men in their 50s go?"

I like your comments...you seem to have had many of the same experiences I have had, and have the same feelings about ho-hum liasons with men. I too would rather be alone.

I just wish I'd felt this empowered when I was in my 20s.