Where to meet men

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2008
Where to meet men
8
Sat, 10-30-2010 - 8:46pm

I know this topic has probably been done to death, but I did a quick search and really didn't find much discussion about it.

My last real relationship ended just about 2 years ago. I'm 30. I'm female. And I'm BORED of being single. Most of my friends are married or in relationships. None of my friends like going to bars. I'm not really looking to make any new female friends as a way to meet men. I've done the online thing. I belong to a workout group. I belong to a gym. I'm not religious. I'm not meeting anyone at all and I'm not really sure what to do about it! I have a job/house/car/education, I'm in shape, and not ugly.

What do you think

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 10-31-2010 - 7:37am

Of course, the short answer is that you can meet men everywhere. The longer answer is that you can meet men by engaging in activities you enjoy--that way you are more likely to meet someone who shares your interests.

Some will advise to "go where the men are": car shows, kayaking clubs, golf, Home Depot, etc. But if that's not your interest, why go?

I think it's important to widen your social circle as much as possible: go to pretty much every party you are invited to, make some new friends, just get out of the house and circulating. You could try going to gallery openings--you don't look out of place going alone and it's a more educated crowd that goes; join a professional organization and get on their board and go to events; volunteer for things you enjoy; take classes in something you would enjoy; join a Meetup group (or start one). Some people meet at the gym, but at the one I go to, it seems that people keep to themselves plugged into their iPods. You could take up a sport like tennis and play in matches, if you like that.

I wouldn't give up on the online dating thing yet. I was very turned off by it and quit a few times, but I meet very few men in spite of going out and doing things (but I'm much older at 56). Lots of people try online dating for a month and become discouraged because they don't meet someone right away. Very few people do, so you just have to keep at it. For advice about OLD from a man's perspective, you might want to check out Evan Marc Katz--he's a dating coach and has a website with lots of articles, just Google his name. I'm not saying everything he says is gospel--it's not--but he's really studied it and you could benefit from his knowledge.

Best of luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2008
Sun, 10-31-2010 - 7:46pm

Thanks very much for the considerate response. When I got done reading your list my initial thought was, look at all the options. But I guess I do feel like I've tried most things. I've done the classes, the online (I've been on 2 sites consistently for a year now), the Meetup group. I'll have to look at that website though.

I guess I'm just feeling discouraged and lonely. I know the least likely place to meet people is sitting on my couch, but I'm also not confident enough to go out alone, and it just seems like my friends would rather hang out at home since they're all settled.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 11-01-2010 - 7:34am

I hear ya. There are times when you will feel incredibly lonely and discouraged. And it's OK to just be by yourself for a while. But I hope you will consider going out alone. Honestly, people really aren't paying that much attention, most won't even notice.

I met a long-time friend at a wine tasting once (that's another place you could go. This one was a big event, but many chic wine bars have tasting nights). Most people come alone to the Meetup group I started and I have socialized outside of the group with a couple of the members. Be brave!

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Tue, 11-02-2010 - 1:52pm

I would have to agree that the online thing is your best option. For someone who does not like to go out and to the bars, definitely online is best. It is far and away the most efficient way to meet someone. You have a huge pool of potential candidates and you can filter by almost any criteria. Of course it is fraught with heartbreak and disappointment as well but so is meeting men at a bar. I think it just seems worse because you can meet so many more people in a given amount of time and therefore are more exposed to people ghosting on you, and all the other online dating bad behaviors.

As the other person said, changing up your profile can help. It can take a while for something to finally happen so you have to hang in there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sat, 11-06-2010 - 3:37pm

Yeah, I like Evan, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2008
Sun, 11-07-2010 - 2:09pm

That's a

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Mon, 11-08-2010 - 9:45am

Oh yes online is very looks based. I think many/most people tend to try to keep their options open, especially men. They tend to wait for something better to come along. Also many people are dating multiple people at once and try to juggle them to keep them all on the hook while trying to figure out which one to pursue , if any.

I found myself not messaging people based too much on their profile. What I mean is , if the profile said they liked say scuba diving, then maybe I would not message them because I am afraid to scuba dive. I thought they would figure I was not exciting enough for them or they really wanted someone who would dive. I think though that what you find out is people write many things on their profile to try to look more interesting and exciting, when in fact many things they may write are really not important to them or are things they rarely really do. So my point is, even if you think someone will not like you because you don't have as many interests ,etc, message them anyway and see what happens. It can't hurt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Mon, 11-08-2010 - 8:39pm

I have *zero* problem going out alone.