White men!! Date a girl with bi-racial kids?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2011
White men!! Date a girl with bi-racial kids?
6
Mon, 05-02-2011 - 4:16pm

* PLEASE DO NOT TURN THIS INTO A RACIAL BLACK VS. WHITE THREAD!! That is not my intent and PLEASE save any racist remarks for someone else. i deal enough with that on a daily basis. *

Hello all, I am new to this board and thought I would start a thread of my own after reading various opinions on other websites after googling "will white guys date a woman with bi-racial kids". My brief background: I am white, 35 years old. Recently divorced (husband was black). Have 3 bi-racial (BEAUTIFUL) kids; ages 16, 12, and 8.

I had a friend I worked with several years back. He knew I had kids but didn’t know they were bi-racial. Well once I got divorced, our friendship quickly went to more and eventually we were very close and in love, practically engaged.

Well the more he came around the house and spent time with me AND my kids he started acting strange. One day he told me that most white guys have a huge problem dating white girls that have been with black guys, especially those women that have children with the black guy. He told me that in white guy world is considered "cleaning up a black guys mess".

I couldn’t quite come to terms with that because if my kids were white why wouldn’t he be "cleaning up a white guys mess" if they are indeed cleaning up someones mess? He told me it's an issue because white guys can't go in public with my kids and atleast pretend they are his kids because they clearly aren't.

Needless to say, this caused a lot of problems. Through all of this, he always worded it as " other white guys think this way ". He always made it clear

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 05-02-2011 - 4:31pm

I think guys who aren't bigots won't have a problem that your kids are biracial any more than if you had white kids from another man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2011
Mon, 05-02-2011 - 4:57pm

Thanks for taking the time to read my post and reply. I agree, the way he stated the kids as a "mess" was very ignorant of him. The more he opened his mouth about the situation the more obvious it became that he was part of "all white guys". I'll admit, I was in denial for a little while and at first just thought what a great man he is to love me and my kids regardless of what "all white guys" think..

He was very well at turning it around to make himself look like the hero

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Mon, 05-02-2011 - 10:19pm

As long as you don't fall for the local Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan, I don't think the racial issue will be a major impediment in today's world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Mon, 05-02-2011 - 11:15pm

Just recently I was reading a forum and an African woman was describing her experience with her white boyfriend and her black kids. The guy was even walking around carring her black baby (they met when the baby was 3 months old) and had no problem about it. They were planning to have a child together as well. She said that people looked at them, because they were curious, but it wasn't mean. We live in a big multicultural city, and I suppose what people think depends somewhat on where you live, however, there must be men there who don't care what bigots think.

Describing your relationship as "cleaning up a black guy's mess" is incredibly insulting and racist. Even if others supposedly thought that, he could stand up to them if he loved you and liked your kids. Or maybe he's not racist, but just a weak man who cares too much about what others think. I would have trouble with that.

I think you shouldn't chose a man based on his race, there must be open-minded guys in your city !

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Tue, 05-03-2011 - 5:22pm

I think this is the wrong guy for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2011
Tue, 06-28-2011 - 12:09pm

I had to join to reply to this.