why do guys feel the need to LIE?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2013
why do guys feel the need to LIE?!
5
Sat, 02-16-2013 - 10:08pm

I was seeing this guy for 12 weeks. We ended up having a conversation about where we stand etc. He basically said that he gets very busy with work, but he still wants to take things to the next level with me and move forward in our relationship. I was happy to hear that.

So over the next couple weeks we're in touch quite frequently and everything is going well…until one weekend. I told him that I'd love to see him and he says perfect…but he never ends up reaching out to me about hanging out. Finally he calls me on Sunday and tells me he's been so exhausted because of work lately and feels like he doesn't have time to see hisfamily/friends etc. So I told him "I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who I see once every 2 weeks, especially since we live in the same city." He tells me "okay well I don't want to keep disappointing you" etc. So I said "maybe it would be better if we just stay friends." He says "yes, but please don't cut me off or ignore my calls/texts, I still want you to be in my life." So I said fine. We hang up.

I'm livid of course. Why would you say that you want to move things forward with me when infact you don't? And here's the real kicker. 

He spent Valentine's Day with another girl. (He told me he was only seeing me and no one else)

A**hole. I would've LOVED to cuss him out in person, but since we're "over" that didn't make any sense. So I just unfollowed him on twitter (which he noticed because he hit up my friend to see if I was alright). Anyway, I just HATE when a guy takes me for a fool. I swear, this is the kind of sh*t that makes you not want to date. I don't EVER plan on answering his calls/texts again. He can go to hell.

Just had to vent.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 02-17-2013 - 12:20pm

I think this is a prime example of actions not lining up with words. Even if someone says they really want to be with you, take it to the next level, etc., if they don't follow through on it, then it's just distancing behavior. Men who are interested make time to see you, I don't care if they're the president. 

I think some men (and women of course) find it very difficult to just be up front with their feelings, and will often use these sorts of excuses as a way to end things. In some ways I think they don't want to hurt your feelings, but on the other hand, they are hedging their bets on whether their new interest is going to pan out.

I don't think you were a fool at all. You told him what you needed from the relationship, and when you weren't getting it, you told him so and ended it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 02-17-2013 - 2:45pm

Well I have a different opinion on this one.  I think you over reacted, big time.  I don't know how often in the months you were dating you got together, but it's also normal for someone to want to spend time with their family & friends too.  If you look at things objectively, considering how much time he worked, did you demand all his free time or was there actually time for him to spend time w/ his other friends?  I know that's been an issue in my life that I don't want to repeat now where when I'm in a relationship, I only saw my friends if my BF/DH was busy.  Now I don't want to neglect my friends if I happen to meet someone.  I think the way to have handled this was not to do it on the phone and do this immediate breakup thing, but to wait until you saw each other in person and have a discussion about how often each one of you wanted to see each other and see if you had common ground there.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Sun, 02-17-2013 - 8:01pm

.

MsLili84 wrote:
<p><span style="color:#000000; font-family:Arial, Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size:12px">I was seeing this guy for 12 weeks. We ended up having a conversation about where we stand etc. He basically said that he gets very busy with work, but he still wants to take things to the next level with me and move forward in our relationship. I was happy to hear that.<br /><br />So over the next couple weeks we're in touch quite frequently and everything is going well…until one weekend. I told him that I'd love to see him and he says perfect…but he never ends up reaching out to me about hanging out. Finally he calls me on Sunday and tells me he's been so exhausted because of work lately and feels like he doesn't have time to see his<a href="http://www.girlsaskguys.com/Dating-Questions/805165-why-do-guys-feel-need-to-lie.html#" rel="nofollow"><span style="border-color:initial; background-color:transparent; text-align:left; font-family:inherit; font-variant:normal; border-width:0px"><span style="border-top-width:0px; border-right-width:0px; border-bottom-width:1px; border-left-width:0px; border-color:initial; background-color:transparent; text-align:left; font-family:inherit; font-variant:normal; font-size:12px; font-weight:normal; border-bottom-style:solid; border-bottom-color:#00cc00; color:#009900; border-top-style:none; border-top-color:transparent; border-right-style:none; border-right-color:transparent; border-left-style:none; border-left-color:transparent">family</span><img src="http://images.intellitxt.com/ast/adTypes/icon1.png" style="background-color:transparent; text-align:left" /></span></a>/friends etc. So I told him "I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who I see once every 2 weeks, especially since we live in the same city." He tells me "okay well I don't want to keep disappointing you" etc. So I said "maybe it would be better if we just stay friends." He says "yes, but please don't cut me off or ignore my calls/texts, I still want you to be in my life." So I said fine. We hang up.<br /><br />I'm livid of <a href="http://www.girlsaskguys.com/Dating-Questions/805165-why-do-guys-feel-need-to-lie.html#" rel="nofollow"><span style="border-color:initial; background-color:transparent; text-align:left; font-family:inherit; font-variant:normal; border-width:0px"><span style="border-top-width:0px; border-right-width:0px; border-bottom-width:1px; border-left-width:0px; border-color:initial; background-color:transparent; text-align:left; font-family:inherit; font-variant:normal; font-size:12px; font-weight:normal; border-bottom-style:solid; border-bottom-color:#00cc00; color:#009900; border-top-style:none; border-top-color:transparent; border-right-style:none; border-right-color:transparent; border-left-style:none; border-left-color:transparent">course</span><img src="http://images.intellitxt.com/ast/adTypes/icon1.png" style="background-color:transparent; text-align:left" /></span></a>. Why would you say that you want to move things forward with me when in<a href="http://www.girlsaskguys.com/Dating-Questions/805165-why-do-guys-feel-need-to-lie.html#" rel="nofollow"><span style="border-color:initial; background-color:transparent; text-align:left; font-family:inherit; font-variant:normal; border-width:0px"><span style="border-top-width:0px; border-right-width:0px; border-bottom-width:1px; border-left-width:0px; border-color:initial; background-color:transparent; text-align:left; font-family:inherit; font-variant:normal; font-size:12px; font-weight:normal; border-bottom-style:solid; border-bottom-color:#00cc00; color:#009900; border-top-style:none; border-top-color:transparent; border-right-style:none; border-right-color:transparent; border-left-style:none; border-left-color:transparent">fact</span><img src="http://images.intellitxt.com/ast/adTypes/icon1.png" style="background-color:transparent; text-align:left" /></span></a> you don't? And here's the real kicker. <br /><br />He spent Valentine's Day with another girl. (He told me he was only seeing me and no one else)<br /><br />A**hole. I would've LOVED to cuss him out in person, but since we're "over" that didn't make any sense. So I just unfollowed him on <a href="http://www.girlsaskguys.com/Dating-Questions/805165-why-do-guys-feel-need-to-lie.html#" rel="nofollow"><span style="border-color:initial; background-color:transparent; text-align:left; font-family:inherit; font-variant:normal; border-width:0px"><span style="border-top-width:0px; border-right-width:0px; border-bottom-width:1px; border-left-width:0px; border-color:initial; background-color:transparent; text-align:left; font-family:inherit; font-variant:normal; font-size:12px; font-weight:normal; border-bottom-style:solid; border-bottom-color:#00cc00; color:#009900; border-top-style:none; border-top-color:transparent; border-right-style:none; border-right-color:transparent; border-left-style:none; border-left-color:transparent">twitter</span><img src="http://images.intellitxt.com/ast/adTypes/icon1.png" style="background-color:transparent; text-align:left" /></span></a> (which he noticed because he hit up my friend to see if I was alright). Anyway, I just HATE when a guy takes me for a fool. I swear, this is the kind of sh*t that makes you not want to date. I don't EVER plan on answering his calls/texts again. He can go to hell.<br /><br />Just had to vent.</span></p>

Is this the same guy you were feeling lukewarm about and prompted you to ask if guys go back to someone they used to date?If so, then I dont' understand why you're all upset over someone you really weren't feeling it for..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2013
Sun, 02-17-2013 - 8:44pm
No the "lukewarm" thread was about somebody else.
Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Wed, 02-20-2013 - 1:42pm

did you guys agree that he was supposed to call you that weekend? You say that you told him you would love to see him and he says perfect. So was their an implication that he was supposed to call you? If you said you wanted to see him, then why not set up a date , time and place, right then and there? It kind of sounds like a lack of communication overall and expectations out of alignment with each other.