why do I like this guy? there are red flags!
Find a Conversation
|Wed, 09-11-2013 - 10:42pm|
It's just weird. Well, first, I met this guy Jan. 2012. We dated 2 months until we decided it would be better to be friends. I will explain more later. He and I were born on the same number day of the month, but diff. months and years. I am 37 and he is 39. So lately I've been thinking about fate or the meaning of my life alot more than usual - so I asked for a sign to show me whether or not I will end up with this guy. First, stuff from the grocery store amounted to his birthday, $27.03. He is European so he puts the day before the month. Then, at work the accounting dept. asked me about an outstanding bill and the amount had 327 in it. Now, honest, I just got an iphone and the Lifeproof case protector allows consumers to register online for a warranty, so I was typing in the serial # and it has 273 in it!!!! This all happened within a month's time. So now for stuff that **doesn't** make sense:
Do you think my European friend still loves his ex? Let's call him Joe
First of all, she broke up with him for a silly reason (let me know if you think the reason will make a difference)
He said they were fighting a lot and it was bound to happen any day
They dated 4 yrs and got a cat together, she kept it
I never met her (I only met one of his guy friends)
They still have mutual friends and bump into each other UNplanned
They broke up 3 yrs ago
Joe told me his ex still loves him (she told him)- what I said in return was that when a girl is not dating anyone, she always feels lonely and thinks of her ex, so he replied "She's had 4 BF's since we broke up. Why didn't she tell them she still loves them? Why tell me if I'm not her last BF?"
HE'S KEPT TRACK AND COUNTED HER BF's
He's not on my Facebook anymore, but last I saw, he has a lot of pics of the cat (not his ex) - he tells me he goes to see the cat - I mean of course he does, it's like a child of his own
His ex had knee surgery and asked him to take care of the cat at his place while she recovered
She asks him to install her air conditioner every May and not the bldg Super (he moved out to a whole other town 45 minutes away - I've been to his place and he lives alone)
I told Joe that of course his ex still loves him, that is why she makes excuses to see him (the AC, knee surgery, etc). Then I say to him "Maybe you still love her too if you count her BF's." Then he says "We broke up 3 yrs ago, if I wanted to get back with her, I would've done it already."
Of course I still like him. We dated a while before he found out I don't want children. He's really nice and we have a lot in common. One day I told him I want to buy a one bedroom condo and he asked why not 2 in case I have children, then I said don't want them (I'm too old). Soon after, he joined my Facebook and I found out about his ex GF and the cat. Then came the green card convo.
We stopped dating and became friends with benefits.... mostly because of his ex. Even if he was American and did not need a green card, any guy still good friends with his ex is a bad sign. BUT - he's a great guy otherwise and we have a lot in common and I'm almost 38 yrs old and getting lonely. So after I dated a few guys and it didnt' work out, I told Joe something like:
"I know we have a difference about children, but I realized you're a great guy after dating other guys. I just want to tell you I still like you"
So he replied "I don't HAVE to have children." I forgot what he said exactly, but I know it WASN'T "Ok, let's give us another try." He didn't say that. Nothing like that at all. He just doesn't like me - but he did when we first met (online by the way).
I think he has a plan to only use an American girl to get his green card, and then divorce her afterwards, he would've married me by now - but he really wants children and true love. He said he can pay a woman $$ in exchange for a green card but he wants to marry for love - hence him joining the dating website.
I had a theory about him going back to his ex after divorcing an American girl otherwise, why would they still be good friends after breaking up 3 years ago? Ok they have mutual friends after dating 3 yrs, and the cat is another reason. I guess it's like they share a child.
Here it is 2013 and we are still FWB's. You'd think if he is planning to go back to his ex, he wouldn't need to marry for love, and he'd pay $$ to an American girl.
It's hard finding the right guy, but every time I find myself alone and I text him for sex, he is always available. Has he met someone? I still see he logs on to the dating website. The only job he can get is construction and he works overtime plus wkds, too. Is he really too busy to meet girls? The whole thing is just crazy. I'm starting to think I'll tell him I want to marry him for money so I can buy my condo. And of course I will get a pre-nup agrmt!!! What do you think of all this? Something is fishy, right? It doesn't add up. Joe gives me butterflies - I admit every guy I have liked in the past gives me butterflies but Joe gives me the most queazy fluttery feeling whenever I see him. Any thoughts? Thank you in advance