When is he gonna get a REAL job?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2013
When is he gonna get a REAL job?
Sun, 04-06-2014 - 12:10am

I been seeing a guy for 4 months now been friends for 2 years. We live seperately, he has a house with his 3 brothers and I have my own apt and car. I work as a Nurse Aide in a hospital and a nursing home. He works as a video game store clerk. We are both 29 years old.

Im soon returning back to school for Medical Assistant and looking into a house of my own. I asked him his goals he says to return to school someday.

Me and the guy got into arguments over money, he doesnt want to go out and spend money, but we always go dutch (my choice). I blurted out "your 29 when are you going to get a real job?". Of course he was pissed, I explained he is barely making it with his 3 brothers and he refuses to be a manager (he says too much responsibility). I asked if this is what he wanted for the rest of his life, he said no.

I also noticed when I say we are going to dinner, he makes no effort to dress... like an adult. I love hello kitty and will sometimes where my hello kitty shirts casually but he never wears anything but comic books shirts. He commented on the way I dress, he says I like to get dressy and he knows people wonder why Im with him. I told him skinny jeans and heels and a cardigan isnt dressy to me, its normal. He never asks me to pay or give him money.

Hes a nice guy, but there is no drive to change his lifestyle :(

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sun, 04-06-2014 - 12:49am

  You will not be able to change him.  Perhaps in a future he will change.  It is not good to be so frustrated.  Time to date others.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 04-06-2014 - 10:02am

xxxs wrote:
<p>  You will not be able to change him.  Perhaps in a future he will change.  It is not good to be so frustrated.  Time to date others.</p>

I have to agree with Xxxs. He will only change if and when he feels ready, not when you want him to. If his lack of ambition and his overly casual dress style really bother you, which sounds like the case, it's time to find a new boyfriend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Tue, 04-08-2014 - 3:18am

The part about not wanting to have too much responsibility pretty much tells the story. He's satisfied existing at an easy level and doesn't want to do anything that requires much more effort. Maybe he will decide to work harder someday but for now, what you see is what you get. You sound more ambitious for your own life and you would probably be happier with a guy who is at least as ambitious and hard working as you are.

The purpose of dating is to get to know each other well, and you've just found a big incompatibility. He doesn't sound like long-term relationship material for you but maybe you and he can remain just friends where you don't have to deal with his lack of ambition on a daily basis.