Am I being too rushy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2008
Am I being too rushy
Sat, 06-14-2014 - 4:55am

Hi everyone,

I met this guy through online about a month ago and we have dated 6 times now, the 6th was on just this week's thursday night.   He has been the one who initiate all of our dates.  I'm starting to like him.  I'm 38 and he is 39.  We are both divorced with kids.

Then on friday afternoon ( a day after the 6th date), I asked him  "are you free to go out again tonite".    Below are our conversation:

me (friday afternoon) : are you free to go out again tonite"

He :  "im trying to be free (from work), I will let you know as soon as I can".  

Me : "no need to rush, we can go out at 10".  

He :  "sounds good".  

Well i assumed that he was okay and we were going out that nite.  

By 8pm. I messaged him again

I : "will you be ready by 10"  assuming that he was still at work.  

No reply, but I know he has read it (from his last seen on whatsapp).  Then 20 min later :

i :   "are you okay"

Still no reply.  I  waited til 10.30, 11, 11.30.  Then I decided we were not going to go out, then I went to sleep.   Before I went to sleep I messaged him again

I :  If you think you can't make it, you could have informed me at least.  I hope you are okay.  Maybe i misunderstoond your " sounds great" to my " we can go out at 10"

Then at 3am in the morning, he replied

He : I'm sorry, i fell asleep.  I was home from work just before 9 and thought would lie down for 10 min then i fell asleep.  No, you are 100% correct about the plan.  I was even going to suggest a place.  Sorry again.  I just woke up to take a pee.  My apologies.

In the morning I replied

I : its alright.  I was just a bit worried you had accident or something.  I know you would have told me if you couldn't make it.

He : I'm so embarrassed. Sorry again.

My questions is :

- Do you think I am being too rushy ?

- Do you guys think he made up that excuse ?

-  What should I do now ?  

I feel like a school girl again, but I enjoy it.  Thanks in advance for all your feedback.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 06-14-2014 - 3:07pm

I don't see that you are rushing anything.  After 6 dates I don't see a problem with you initiating another date.  I would give him one chance with the excuse of falling asleep--right now you have no idea whether it's real or not but it could happen.  If he makes a habit of not replying or standing you up, then you''ll know to show him the door.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2008
Sun, 06-15-2014 - 11:40pm

Thanks Musiclover.   So, do you think this time I dont  have to initiate another date at this moment until he ask me again ?

Sometimes my negative mind and insecurity plays in my mind so much that I think he did this on purpose so that he doesn't have to tell me directly that he doesn't want to see me again.   I know it's my issue I have to solve.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Mon, 06-16-2014 - 1:52pm

You don't HAVE to initiate another date, but you can if you want to. I think it is fine either way. Nothing wrong with the woman initiating things just as much as the man nowadays.

As far as his excuse for the other night, i think you have to believe him on this first incident. You have to assume he was telling the truth. I say that also because it's plausible he fell asleep. It isn't like he said something ridiculous like the dog ate the phone. If however you start to experience more excuses why he could not call or text you back for other things, then I would move on because he is starting to play games at that point.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 06-16-2014 - 9:48pm

  Keep in mind that both have other responsibilities that can trip up dates.   That is just part of the package.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2008
Wed, 06-18-2014 - 1:20am

I met him again late at night at 10.30 because he just came back from work.  He mentioned  that he really had to make it this time, because he just didn't want to be a jerk for 2nd time.  He said one time is the maximum for him.  I'm really really happy to hear that.  Hopefully he will always be the good guy who always keeps his words.  Thanks again, everyone :)