Did I just get played?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
Did I just get played?
Sun, 06-08-2014 - 11:41pm

Back in September 2012 this guy and I started messaging each other on this gothic industrial website, and planned to meet that same month.

When the day of us meeting arrived he stood me up. I cut ties with him and moved on. Now 2 years later he appears on that same site again and messages me.

I didn't remember who he was at first then realized after seeing his photos. We talked and I told him how upset I was about him standing me up on our first date.

He claims his cell phone broke the night before and he had no way of contacting me. Which I say is BS. He had a PC, he could have written my phone number down, he could have borrowed someone else's phone.

He says sorry and we continue chatting then video chatted on Skype he then says Skype killed his PC so he couldn't talk to me anymore for yesturday.

Today arrives and we chat on Skype and are trying to re-get to know each other and he comes out with this....

[5:11:16 PM] Napy: Hey

[7:29:45 PM] Tyler: Hey there!

[7:30:05 PM] Napy: how are you?

[7:30:53 PM] Tyler: I'm doing well, and you?

[7:31:14 PM] Napy: I am fine

[7:32:29 PM] Tyler: What's up?

[7:32:52 PM] Napy: not much just chilling how about you?

[7:35:46 PM] Tyler: Same.

[7:36:18 PM] Napy: Oh cool

[7:36:44 PM] Napy: so where do you live? do you work, drive? live on your own or with family or friends or roommates?

[7:39:14 PM] Tyler: Why do you ask?

[7:41:57 PM] Napy: becuz I am trying to get to know you again?

[7:42:05 PM] Napy: isn't that the point of dating you get to know each other?

[7:43:40 PM] Tyler: Sorry if I sounded confrontational. I didn't mean it to come out rude.

[7:43:50 PM] Tyler: I live in DTLA and live with roommates.

[7:45:07 PM] Napy: 0k

[7:46:12 PM] Tyler: What about you beautiful? Feels like forever since we've talked.

[7:46:28 PM] Napy: I live at home with my parents

[7:47:05 PM] Tyler: Oh cool.

[7:47:57 PM] Napy: yeah

[7:48:35 PM] Napy: what do you do for fun?

[7:49:21 PM] Tyler: I like to go to shows, museums, art galleries. That kind of stuff. Or just stay home and cuddle ;3

[7:49:29 PM] Tyler: But I think everyone likes that.

[7:49:39 PM] Napy: lol

[7:50:39 PM] Tyler: And you?

[7:51:39 PM] Napy: go to concerts, the mall, shop, go to the park and for walks, go to the movies, watch TV, play video games, sports, etc.

[7:52:11 PM] Tyler: Fun stuff, I like pretty much all those things, except sports, lol.

[7:52:33 PM] Napy: lol

[7:53:23 PM] Tyler: So you mentioned earlier about dating, you want to date me then?

[7:54:34 PM] Napy: perhaps if we continue to get to know each other and see where it goes we can meet/go on our first date

[7:55:06 PM] Tyler: Well how long has it been that we last talked?

[7:55:15 PM] Tyler: It's been a while hasn't it.

[7:56:35 PM] Napy: yes

[7:56:42 PM] Napy: but I forgot everything we talked about

[7:56:59 PM] Napy: and last time we talked was in 2012 when we were suppose to meet

[7:58:37 PM] Tyler: Ah, yeah. I remember. Sorry about that.

[7:58:53 PM] Tyler: [B]Well you should know that I have a girlfriend now, actually a fiancé.[/B]

[7:59:17 PM] Tyler: [B]So unless you want to be in a poly relationship I don't think it's going to work out.[/B]

[8:00:40 PM] Napy: then why did you tell me yesturday on VampireFreaks that you wanted me to give you another chance and want to date?

[8:04:36 PM] Tyler: What?

[8:05:34 PM] Napy: yesturday on VampireFreaks.com under your username DM90 - you instant messaged me telling me you wanted us to date and to give you another chance. You kept saying sorry about when you stood me up when we were suppose to meet in September 2012.

[8:12:19 PM] Tyler: I don't think so.

So in the end he denies ever talking to me on the gothic industrial website at all and says he has a GIRLFRIEND and she is his fiance! Why did this guy do this to me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2013
Mon, 06-09-2014 - 8:37am

Yeah, you been played. Get over it and move on. He was feeling you out to see if you'd be interested in cheating with him. Since you were once interested in him, he probably thought you might be the easiest "fun" to hook up with.

Avatar for demecafe
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Mon, 06-09-2014 - 8:43am

Wow. I don't think you got played; I think he tried to play you. It sounds like he's either dumb or he stands girls up often (so that he didn't recall talking to you about doing it to you two years ago). I feel sad for his girlfriend/fiancee unless she's into polyamorous herself and isn't just being cheated on. I say well played on your part! As for the why, I feel like some guys are always on the watch for something better. They have something great, but feel like they are going to miss out if they don't keep looking. 


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2013
Mon, 06-09-2014 - 1:01pm


I agree with the previous replies.  I think he was testing the waters.  Move on and find someone who is not a timewasting tosser,  he sounds like such a cad.   I feel sorry for his fiancee. 

More sex please, I'm British!

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 06-09-2014 - 2:29pm

Like another poster said, he tried, but failed.  

Don't waste another second on this guy.  


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
Mon, 06-09-2014 - 2:30pm

Yeah I blocked him and funny thing is Skype gave me notice that after I blocked him at 8:13PM he goes and calls me twice at 8:20PM. So either he is nuts in the head or he would have made up an excuse like his roommates had gotten on his PC and was talking to me. So yeah glad I blocked him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2014
Tue, 06-10-2014 - 6:28am

American Men Risk Lives to Find Love Abroad

Mass protests.  Snipers. Political unrest. The threat of martial law.  Nothing seems to dissuade American men from traveling to Ukraine in search of love. 

Ukraine, that little country whose borders are currently under siege by masses of Russian troops to the East, has been in the news  a lot lately. A time-line of critical events in the country's last 6 months would read something like:  November: Ukrainian President abandons bid to join European Union / Pro EU - Anti Government Protests Develop as thousands of protesters gather in Independent Square, Kiev. December:  As protests grow to 300,000, activists seize government buildings.  January:  Draconian anti-protests laws are enacted, then repealed as protests grow.  February:   Protesters are shot by Ukrainian secret police, almost 100 people die.  President Yanukovich is overthrown and leaves country.  Russian troops amass on the Ukrainian borders.  Armed men seize Crimean airport.  March:  Russia invades Crimea, fires warning shots to unarmed Ukrainian soldiers trying to recapture Crimean airport.  Mass protests, supporting both sides, organize and march in city centers throughout Ukraine.  April:  Russia threatens to invade other cities in Ukraine's Eastern front.  Indeed, the political situation in Ukraine is unstable and volatile enough to erupt into chaos in any given area and at any given time.

But why should any of that stop a determined guy from getting on a plane to go right to the heart of conflicted areas to find a wife!

A number of undeterred Romeo's, armed with a US passport and all the objectivity of a bull elk during rutting season, are getting aboard planes bound for Ukraine's far east.  Their mission: to court, seduce and ultimately marry one of the thousands of beautiful Ukrainian women who may be more determined than ever to find a husband and get out of Dodge. Phoenix-based A Foreign Affair, the last international dating company to still operate group romance travel tours to Ukraine, offers their clients the opportunity to at least travel together with the support of an American tour leader and savvy locals to cities like Kiev, where AFA started conducting romance tours 15 years ago.  A romance tour, lest you haven't heard, is a 10 day, tightly orchestrated singles event where 2 dozen guys get the chance to meet literally hundreds of foreign women through a series of parties and individually arranged dates.  CEO John Adams gets a daily briefing from staff abroad each morning, and then picks up his phone to clue in his upcoming tour clients. "We've taken double,  even triple the precautions in making sure our guys are well informed of the risks as well as the rewards of travel to Ukraine right now," Adams says, "including offering a complete refund all money if they decide to back out, and it's clear that nothing is going to stop them from getting on that plane.  It's almost as if the more serious the situation gets in Ukraine,  the more determined these guys are to go.  We're obviously concerned and doing as much as we can to present the facts to our guys, but until the situation reaches a level truly life-threatening, as long as they want to go, we'll go."  Adams  also told us of a romance tour currently underway in the cities of Dnepropetrovsk and Zaparozhye where socials have been attended by a "record number of women."

Virtually every city in Ukraine has experienced some level of protests or unrest, albeit with very few injuries or arrests per se. People on the ground are saying despite what you see in the news each day, life goes on.  People go to work, come home, take their kids to swimming lessons, meet friends for a dinner out at the cafe. 

 Are guys making their way to the front-lines going to get extra credit from Ukrainian ladies for making such a monumental effort?  "I don't know about that," says Cory, an AFA tour client from the midwest, "but come to think of it I have been dumped by women before who left me for active military guys.  It was like - 'this guy gets shot at so he's manlier.'  I mean seriously - what is that!"  When asked if he was aware of the imminent risks involved in traveling to Ukraine for love - versus other, more peaceful destinations like the Philippines, one would-be foreign bride finder laughed.  "Oh, sure.  Absolutely.  But there may not be a better time to try this.  Think of the impact all of this has had on Ukrainian women, many of whom struggle to find a reliable life-mate in the best of times.  If there's gonna be any kind of acoup detat while I'm there - I hope I'm the one being occupied." 

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 06-16-2014 - 9:53pm

  One  thing get to the point!  What you wanted was a date.   You beat around the bushes.  In other word close the sale!   Do not wait for him to suggest you do so.  Assertive behavior  takes less time and gets  to the commitment to go out.