Do I stay or do i go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2009
Do I stay or do i go?
Tue, 07-29-2014 - 5:17pm

I usually prefer giving advice and just reading other people's advice instead of posting my own boring dating stories, but I decided to share and just get a feel for what people think. 

A little about me...I have been very single for about 4 years...no kids and never been the type to search for a guy or get anxiety about not having kids yet (im 30). I met a guy about 2 months ago...Im the type of person who can go years without really liking someone and then I can just feel a crazy spark out of nowhere. Anyways...we met and ever since then we have been pretty consistently hanging out. We've been pretty consistently intimate as well (about 3 weeks after meeting) and he "seems" to like me. My problem is for one...his phone skills suck. Im so used to texting/talking with somebody consistently...especially in the beginning. He seems to text maybe once a week and then other than that just to make plans. When we hang out everything is so great...he seems all about me and very affectionate and always asking questions...and then when we part we usually talk the same day and then it can go a few days without us speaking, which bothers me...but at the same time I feel like its a pointless subject to bring up to him since you can't force somebody to want to speak to you.

I guess my bigger issue is that...the very first night we hung out we had this amazing time...I know we were both drunk but he was just syaing all these things like "wow this never happens to me" and we just seemed to really "click". But ever since then...I just have NO idea how he feels about me. I have a lot of male friends and they always complain to me about girls they are seeing so I try not to act like those women and give men their space. However,  Im used to a guy texting and saying he misses me or something affectionate and it just doesnt happen with him. Its confusing because he can go 3-4 days without spekaing to me but then will ask to see me on the weekends and its like we never stopped talking. Ive had friends tell me thats not normal and that in the beginning a guy should be especially crazy about you and want to see you all the time and talk to you at least once a day and other friends have said every guy is completely different...he may just take things very slowly and not let a new girl consume his whole life and is just taking his time in getting to know me.

So my thing is...Its only been 2 months...I dont want to be the one to have "the talk" with him because I feel like its always more sincere if the guy brings it up...instead of asking how they feel about you and getting some pity response about how they like you they are just figuring things out or whatever. I think hes a great guy and I want to go with the flow...but how long do I go with the flow before i see that he is just passing the time with me and is just comfortable hanging out once a week and doing his own thing. My ex was back and forth with me for about a year before we made it official and he was the most amazing boyfriend I ever had and we were together for 5 years and it was well worth the wait (Granted you guys may say well you broke up, but I dont necessarily believe everything has to last forever in order to be amazing and take you to the next chapter in your life).

My question is this....how can I find out how he feels about me without having to push him in a corner? And how do I know if hes just taking his time with me or if Im wasting mine and to walk away?