Does he want to be exclusive?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2014
Does he want to be exclusive?
7
Tue, 05-06-2014 - 4:57pm

Hi

I know it's difficu,t to try and second guess how a guy is thinking and feeling but here goes........

We met via a dating site and had our first date last Friday. We got on really well and I ended up going back to his (not normak behaviour for me I must add!). I feel this step dies compkicate things as now I am concerned that he might just want that, although he insists he does want a relationhip not just sex. He invited me to his this Saturday just gone for dinner and I ended uo staying until Monday. We just seemed ti get on well and had a laugh etc. My car wouldn't start when was leaving though so he called his mechanic friend ( refering to me as his missus) who came over. He's asked me to meet his best friend and fiance in two weeks as he'd like me to go with him to the wedding.

Just from these things, it seems like he might want to be exclusive with me. However I went onto the dating site I met him on tinight and it says he's been active within the last week.

He could have just been recollecting details from my profile or checking if I've been on I guess? Part of me is concerned that his behaviors might nit be leading the way I have interpreted them. What do you think? Am I worrying too much? Madgirl x
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Tue, 05-06-2014 - 6:49pm

In my book, one isn't exclusive until one explicitly agrees. So, going on a dating site shouldn't be held against him. In light of what he has told you, I think there is a good chance he'd be exclusive with you. One of you actually has to initiate the conversation though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 05-06-2014 - 9:10pm

I worry that you & he are rushing things so much that he is going to want to step back a bit after the initial excitement is over.  That kind of behavior can be typical of men.  He definitely seems to like you if he is talking about future plans, but I wouldn't assume exclusivity when you have only known this guy a week and it hasn't been discussed.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Tue, 05-06-2014 - 11:22pm

This isn't rocket science.  You also shouldn't need ESP.  If a man likes you, he will TELL YOU.  If he wants to be exclusive, he will TELL YOU.  HOWEVER, NO ONE should want to be "exclusive" with someone they've only seen TWICE.  You have no idea what kind of person he is.  He has no idea what kind of person you are.

Well, that's not entirely true.  He knows that you will fall in bed with someone you've just met.  And you know that he doesn't bother to DATE women before he asks for sex, and that he is still trolling the OLD sites. 

You need to reevaluate your dating behavior.  Have more respect for yourself AND the men you meet.  Respect that a normal, intelligent man can survive a few months without sex, while he makes sure the girl is not a psycho, golddigger, or carrying the plague.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2014
Wed, 05-07-2014 - 8:49am

Hi

Thanks for all your comments.  I appreciate that posting on here opens me up to criticism, but I guess I was naive to think it would be less harsh!

 I agree it might be a bit rushed, but to clarify, we have been talking online and on phone calls for about 3 months prior to meeting so it isn't like I've sent him an email, met him then slept with him.  We have got to know a reasonable amount about each other in that time. We didn't meet sooner as I ended up working away.  We're also 34 and 37 looking for a serious relationship so are on the same page about what we want to start with.

We had immediate chemistry and I have NEVER slept with someone on a first date before.  It was a decision I made, he didn't mention sex at all.

Usually when dating I take my time, spend months getting to know someone before sleeping with them etc.  This is out of character for me, but we just click.  Is that so wrong? 

He has said he really likes me, wants to introduce me to his best friend and wants to spend lots of time with me.  Surely that is a good sign?

Madgirl x

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2014
Thu, 06-19-2014 - 10:21am

I wanted to find out how things are progressing for you with this man?  Would love to hear an update.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2014
Mon, 06-30-2014 - 2:11pm

Hiya

Things are going really well.  We agreed to be exclusive a few weeks ago and he started to tell people I am his girlfriend. I've met a number of his friends and he has met some of mine, although not family yet.  

We have been seeing each other most weekends and he gave me keys to his place so I can go over anytime.  I know it's still early days but good signs I think.  And so what if it's serious sooner rather than later?  Maybe it's just meant to be....we'll see I guess :)

But for now, definitely happy so that's good.

x

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2014
Mon, 06-30-2014 - 2:14pm
Forgot to mention that he also told me this week that he's hooked on me, which I assume to be a good thing? And he had thought he'd cancelled all sites but he has now (I've checked)..... xx