I do not know about this guy anymore

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
I do not know about this guy anymore
Wed, 08-27-2014 - 3:12am

Me and this guy have been talking for 1 month over Skype, we've video chatted and audio chatted so he is real and is who he says he is but we have not met in person yet. He says we plan too this coming month but I doubt it. Also its been 2 days since we've talkd to one another. Last time this happened he said he was dealing with "family issues". To me I keep thinking he is going to come at me and just tell me things aren't going to work out. I am getting tired of waiting to meet this guy and these types of things happening.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Wed, 08-27-2014 - 10:00am

You are correct, you really do not know for sure what us behind his disappearances. Maybe it's family issues, maybe it's not. You probably need to set a dealine for yourself to see some progress being made in this relationship and if it passes then move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
Thu, 08-28-2014 - 2:53am

Well I screwed up yet again in the dating pool. That 1 guy I was talking too for 1 month is no longer talking to me and blocked me after him and I fought tonight. He says he was avoiding me and everyone else due to his own depression, and to the fact that his brother died.

I know I should I have felt symphony for him but honestly I did not. Because to me, I've dealt with a lto of guys in the dating scene and have heard a lot of BS and exucses and while this guy said he was being legit about it, I still didn't believe him.

After us fighting for a while I told him sorry for how I was acting but he blocked me. So I lost a good guy for being a mean b i t ch .

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Thu, 08-28-2014 - 10:21am

OT first: like 666, but 'nappy' here in UK means 'diaper' :)

You haven't lost anyone. From my own OLD experience some years back, a person who talks on the net for a month without wanting/suggesting to meet is a BS-er anyway. He likes talking to women on the net, full stop. He had no intention of meeting you, dating you - you have done nothing wrong. 

(Did I read a  post from you somewhere where  you said you were into rocker/althernative type blokes, long hair, lovers of metal, etc? ME TOO, totally, a life long thing, and I'm 43 now.. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 08-28-2014 - 2:09pm

Was this another long distance guy?  I think that just makes it much harder to meet people.  When I was doing OLD, first of all, I never did long distance, but if we chatted, emailed or whatever for more than a couple of weeks, then I would want to set up a date in person--I think there is no reason to keep things going for a month w/o a plan to meet--otherwise, you can just get caught up in these guys who only want an online relationship and have no intention to meet and just come up with a lot of excuses.  Not to mention, do you really want to get involved with someone who has severe depression?  I can understand that someone would be depressed if his brother died, but if he was that depressed that it was interfering with his regular life, why was he even bothering to be on dating sites?  Sometimes we are all sad and not in the mood to date or even go out with friends--that would not be the time to go on line.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2010
Fri, 08-29-2014 - 11:41pm

You felt like he was BSing you and got fed up, that's fair, so don't blame yourself for being a B. Maybe he was telling the truth but if he has so many personal problems that he cannot actually date then maybe he should withdraw from OLD until he's ready.

 You didn't ask for this advice, but from your previous posts I don't think you should consider long distance guys. The guys should be close (like within one hr max) and ready to meet in person within 2-3 wks tops. Some people are okay with very casual and going super slow but you seem to get anxious if there isn't communication everyday and it takes a long time to meet. That's not right or wrong, good or bad, its how you are right now so you should accept it and use it to set your parameters.

Aren't there clubs and venues in the L.A. area that cater to the types of music and guys that you like? Do you go to those in addition to OLD? Since you know the type that you're looking for it might be easier to "go to them" than to sift through OLD where they can say anything.