Online Profiles

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2014
Online Profiles
4
Tue, 06-17-2014 - 11:06am

I've been seeing a guy very regularly for 10 weeks.  We met on match.  Things seem to be going well, he asks me out when he is available and he calls or texts daily.  All of our dates have been great quality, well planned dates.  We have a lot of fun, the chemistry is great and we talk about most everything.  The only thing we do not talk about is where this is headed.  I had been on match a couple of times previously and met him right around the time my subscription was ending so I didn't renew.  He had just started on match when we met and his profile is still up.  Through old email notifications from him I am still able to see if/when he has been active.  It looks like he is still logging on once a week.  From everything I read, not asking for exclusivity and still logging onto an online dating sight basically indicate that I am an 'in the meantime' sort of thing.  Part of me wants to just give up and walk away because it doesn't appear to be working for him.  Part of me wants to be patient and wait it out.  My ego is screaming at me to figure something out but I am also pretty sure my ego has been responsible for my lack of success so far.  Thoughts? 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 06-17-2014 - 4:14pm

How about actually talking to him about his feelings instead of just trying to read his mind.  Not the "where do you see this going in the future?" type of thing because after a few months how would anyone know?  I mean saying "I let my subscription expire because I'd prefer to date only one person at a time.  How do you feel about that?'  then at least you would know where you stand.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Wed, 06-18-2014 - 11:19am

If you're having sex with him, then you have the right to know how he likes to go about the dating process. When I did online dating and it was getting to that point with me, this is how I went about it. "What is your dating style? Do you like to date a lot of women at once and it takes you a long time to decide on exclusivity, or do you like dating only one woman at a time and see where it goes?" One guy said he just got out of a long term relationship and he wanted to date a lot of women. I told him he wasn't compatible with how I like to be in a relationship and I moved on. There were others who said that they only like to date one woman at a time. I told them that was how I like to date. I don't want to be kissing and having sex wih someoe who is also doing that with other women. I said it didn't mean that we were in some major commitment. It meant that we would see where the relationship could go without outside interference. Some of the relationships ended quickly for various reasons, but at least I knew we gave it our best shot. Finally, I found one who ended up being my second husband. When we decided on exclusivity after only the 3rd date, we both removed our profiles. If you're man says he wants to date only one woman and that woman is you, ask him if he'd think it's a good idea to remove his profile, since you've already removed yours. If he doesn't, you'll have to decide if he's worth your time and energy.

Just remember that you call the shots in your life. If you're afraid of scaring away someone by telling him your needs, then he wasn't the right person for you anyway. Good luck.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Wed, 06-18-2014 - 12:48pm

As we already mentioned, you just need to ask him straight out to be exclusive with you. If he doesn't want that, and you do, then move on. Don't be afraid of the answer, there are plenty more guys out there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2014
Thu, 06-19-2014 - 10:28am

Thanks all for the input.  I wanted the conversation about moving to exclusivity to be brought up by him as I feel like that is the only way to truly know that is what he wants.  In the meantime, I am happy with my time with him and he is consistent with his behaviour.  He is worth taking my time for, in my opinion.  I do get antsy sometimes but it is typically when I am PMS'ing (such as this week...)  I will continue to be clear what I am looking for and what I need, but the rest is up to him.  I prefer that he be the one wearing the pants in the relationship.    Kiss