Please Critique My Profile

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2014
Please Critique My Profile
5
Tue, 05-06-2014 - 10:37pm

I've posted here before and gotten some really friendly feedback. I would like a critique on my Match profile.

After one month, I have been on two dates with one guy from the profile. I had a phone date with another guy. And that's it. I have little experience with serious relationships, mostly meeting guys who do not want to commit.

I've been online dating off and on for years and I am fed up with getting the same kind of guy interested in me. The only thing we have in common is our race which isn't important to me. I love to travel, eat exotic foods and make friends with all sorts of people. I have dated this type of cookie cutter guy since the beginning of my dating days . It never works out because I'm "too weird" for them. And I always assume I can open their minds to my interests, but it never happens. So to combat this I decided to date other races. I am black, by the way. Majority of interest comes from these black guys and some really undesirables. The guys of other races who seem interested are the same in personality as the type of black guys I get. I actually really like guys of other races. I realize i am a bit undesirable for very deonair black guys because I'm an "oreo". I write to guys I like and get no response. I moved to New York for work and the culture. I tend to get native New Yorkers who have a mindset similar to guys I have met in the Midwest, where I come from. The world outside of the neighborhood isn't very interesting to them. There are so many transplants to New York, but they don't seem interested in me. No one seems to read my profile and that drives me nuts! 

Please see my profile and I would appreciate your kind wisdom. http://www.match.com/Profile/Display/About/?lid=450&uid=zCYYVXQjjFkVq5bGaL6UDA==

Thank You!

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 05-07-2014 - 8:36am

I think your profile and photos paint a picture of a creative, cultured, smart young woman. I don't think the problem is with your profile. I think the problem is with online dating. The only tweak I would suggest is to not start out saying you aren't exciting and listing the things you don't do. I would also take out the word commitment. The only reason I say that is that men assume a woman of 29 is most likely looking for a commitment, but they don't want to be rushed into it. Not that you would, I'm just saying that they might interpret it that you're in a big hurry to get married. So you might want to rewrite that first paragraph describing the things you like to do.

I think your best bet is to keep going out and socializing and getting involved in things. What better place than NYC to meet creative, smart men? It's bound to happen sooner or later. I think it's very cool that you relocated to NYC--I wish I had done that when I was young. And, NYC is so culturally diverse. If you're going to find open-minded people anywhere, it's going to be New York. So, enjoy your single woman adventures in New York.

And now, I have a reading list for you. I know people get tired of me recommending books, but I think you'd enjoy all of these. The first one I'd read is "Fine, I'll Go Online" which is a very smart, how-to book about OLD. She gives really good tips for profile writing and everything else. The next one is "I Love You, Let's Meet" which is a memoir of a New York journalist's OLD adventures in New York, plus her very bright insights into it all. I think it might be out of print but you can order is used from Amazon. Also, read "Quirky Alone." This book was written for single people who don't want to date just for the sake of dating, and who march to a different drummer. You'll love it. And finally, "27 (Wrong) Reasons Why You're Single" also written by a New Yorker.

Good luck with it all and let us know how it goes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2003
Wed, 05-07-2014 - 8:55am

I looked at your profile, you seem very happy and confident! I like all of your pictures. I would say that your headline "Creative Midwest native looking to create a great life with a Midwestern transplant in NYC" might not appeal to local guys, or even men from other parts of the country. Are you really limiting yourself to Midwestern men who live in your neighborhood? I know NYC is a big place, but you might be narrowing your search a little too much by that statement. I just think a guy might read that and think "Well, I'm not what she's looking for." I also think that starting out by saying "FYI I'm not exciting. If you are looking for the type of woman who goes mountain climbing, lives a fast life, is dramatic and challenging on every issue, then you should no longer continue reading this profile." is limiting yourself as well. I know what you're trying to say, but unless you read further down it kind of sounds like you're putting yourself down. If I read that as a first statement on a man's profile, I might not even read the rest of it. Your openers say you only date Midwestern men and you're not exciting! You might not be adventurous as far as climbing mountains, but there are no mountains in NYC. I'm sure you're exciting in other ways! One more bit of advice (all meant as constructive criticism) is not to say anything about your ideal guy. Especially since they are actors. That's just because the average guy can't live up to being someone who is famous. In looks, and as a fantasy person who is scripted and in a sense "perfect" compared to how we are in real life.

I hope my advice helps! I'm sure my own dating profile could use some tweaking! And online dating is very hard. If you're making even a few connections and getting actual dates, that's great! Good luck to you. Smile

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 05-07-2014 - 10:04am

"Creative Midwest native looking to create a great life with a Midwestern transplant in NYC" 

I wondered about this, too. Perhaps there were some words left out that would clarify? Perhaps you meant, "Creative Midwestern native looking for a man to create a great life with me in NYC"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2014
Wed, 05-07-2014 - 1:47pm

Thank you for the critique. I thought my opener was a bit tongue-in -cheek since so many New Yorkers show photos of them climbing mountains in South America. I guess its not an obvious joke. Ok I can fix that.

As far as my tagline in meeting young professional types who came to the city for the same reasons I did and have a similar background. There are so many transplants here. I have had bad experiences with native New Yorkers as I mentioned before. New Yorkers can be "townies" too. I used Jason Siegel as an example that I am interested in other races. Black women tend to be seen as not interested in dating outside of their race. I totally am! Do you have any suggestions for a better way to get this information across? Even with creative in the tagline, I tend not to get creative guys messaging me. Honestly, I'm interested in the hipster types. 

Yes New York is full of creatives and cultured people. I must move in the wrong circles because I rarely see or meet single men who do the same activities I do. Or at least they never reach out to me or my friends. 

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 05-07-2014 - 8:30pm

Honey, the only people who can see your profile, are people who are signed up on Match.Com.  That said, I've gotten a bit of an idea from what the other ladies have said.  Their advice seems to be spot on.  I just want put a few thoughts out there, based on my own daughters' experiences.  BTW, one of my dds, and 2 of their friends, found bf's, that turned into husbands, on line.

First, as others have mentioned, don't limit your choices.  You never know when a frog will turn into a prince.  42 years ago, as my sister & I were waiting for a bus, a guy & his buddy pulled up and said, "Hey Cuties! Wanna ride??"  We said yes.  As time went on, many of my friends couldn't see the attraction between a hippie-ish, white collar, college educated girl, and a high-school/trade school, blue collar, hotrod driving guy, 1.5 years younger.  Well, we've been married going on 37 years.

As someone else mentioned, don't fill your profile with what you aren't, and don't make the first line about looking for someone to settle down with.  Just say you are looking for fun.  You like good conversation, & are not afraid of trying something new.  Say something like--If you'll try a gallery opening, I'll try a wrestling match!  Teach me to ski, I'll teach you to dance.  Or something along those lines.  Say "Race Open, and within reason Age Open".  Cast your net wide. You'll meet a lot of people who don't work, but don't get discouraged. Think of it as learning experiences.  Eventually, one will click.