Recently Seperated

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Recently Seperated
3
Fri, 08-29-2014 - 11:10pm

I met this sweet guy who told me that he has been seperated for 4 months pending a divorce. I expressed my concerns to him regarding him being so fresh out of a long marriage and pending a divorce and he assured me that he is ready for a relationship. I notice that he talks about missing affection and being with a woman and i wonder if he is just lonly or truly ready for a relationship. I've kinda backed away from him because i do fear that he may not be really ready for this. Would you date a guy who has been seperated for 4 months and says he's ready for a relationship again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 08-30-2014 - 10:16am

Generally I avoid dating separated men at all --maybe an exception would be if they have already filed the agreed-on divorce papers and they are just waiting for a court date, but even then I'd wonder.  I think you might have hit the nail on the head when you are just wondering if he is lonely.  It depends on a lot of variables but if a guy has been married for a long time, he is just not used to being alone and from my experience and reading, it just seems that men can't handle being alone if they have gotten used to being in a relationship.  I'd also want to hear why they are getting divorced.  There are some people who want to get a divorce and by the time they are actually going through the legal stuff, they have already processed all the emotional things--but he is only recently separated, so I doubt that.  I'd wonder who wanted the divorce and why.

It reminds me of a friend of mine.  She got divorced from her ex many years ago--they are in their 60's and they were probably divorced around 30-35 yrs ago.  In between she had a long relationship and now he is being divorce from his 3rd DW--so when he & DW3 were separating and she was giving him a hard time, he started confiding in my friend (DW1) and then they started dating again, he was acting very nice to her and affectionate--then all of a sudden, he starts thinking that she is getting too serious with him and he backed off--meanwhile he was on dating sites and I guess he met someone else and they are together--and he's still not even divorced from DW3.  So my friend was like the rebound/emotional confidante and she was very upset by it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Sun, 08-31-2014 - 10:57am

Sure, if you don't mind short term rebound dating before getting dumped, then this situation is for you. The next woman who comes along will be appreciative that you got his transition phase out of the way for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Mon, 09-08-2014 - 12:17am

  Wink