Waiting for Me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
Waiting for Me?
11
Fri, 07-18-2014 - 2:54am

This deals with that guy that lives 5-6 hours away from me. I was the one to first message him on July 15, 2014 at 11:11:01 PM. 

Then that night on July 16, 2014 at 2:12:35 AM was my last message and at 2:27:12 AM was his last message. 

Later on that day July 16, 2014 at 12:12:53 PM I was the one to reply to his previous message he had sent at 2:27:12 AM. 

From that point we continued talking long into the night until July 17, 1:10:48 AM was my last message and then his message was at 1:11:53 AM with me following at 1:34:49 AM. 

So since it was me who messaged him last around 1:34:49 AM and it's now 12AM and no word from him since he's been at work for the day but I did see him on the dating site twice throughout the night but no reply to my message.

Should I continue waiting to hear from him or should I just send him a message? Or does it not even matter?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Fri, 07-18-2014 - 9:54am

My advice is to limit yourself to communicating with people within 50 miles of your home. Why place yourself in a long distance relationship, which is exceedingly difficult even for established couples, when you don't need to? The pros of meeting locally? You'll meet within two weeks to establish if there is chemistry and compatibility. If there is, you'll actually have physical companionship and fun outings while seeing if the relationship is worth continuing on with. It takes at least a year of regularly seeing someone in person to find out who the real, 3 dimensional person is. The cons of long distance? It will take a long time to meet, and by then, you will have spent countless hours texting, and then when you meet, you might not even like each other. Until you physically meet, it's all a fantasy world. Long distance, you don't know if he's married or has a girlfriend, if he has addictions that you don't know about since you're not regularly meeting up with him, and if you did get along, one of you would eventually have to move, which is a gigantic life change.

If the dating site is not producing good local candidates, try meetups.com or other activities in the community where single men may be--

co-ed sports teams, volunteer work with Habitat for Humanity, Home Depot workshops, etc. Don't waste time with pen pals. Get out into the real world. Good luck.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Fri, 07-18-2014 - 10:50am

I agree about the idea of the long distance relationship. Definitely more work and takes a longer time ot get off the ground.

I think you need to cool your jets a little and not worry so much about he messaged me here, I messaged him there, I was last, he was last, its been 11 hours, etc. You just have to do whats feels right to you. If things seem to be getting too far out of whack to you, as far as you doing the messaging, you taking the initiative too much, then maybe its time to move on. I don't know that I'd worry about not hearing from someone if its been less than a day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 07-18-2014 - 11:24am

I agree with the others that I'm not a fan of long distance, but back to your question.  If I was texting with someone until 1:30 a.m. and then did not hear from him the next day, I would wait & not initiate contact, esp. since you know he was on the dating site.  I wouldn't want to be the one always initiating the chat--it makes you seem too eager and especially if you were the first one to reach out to him initially you would want to know if he is really interested or only responding to pass the time while he looks for someone better on the site.  And another piece of unsolicited advice--I know most younger people love to text while I can only have brief conversations by text and then I find it annoying, but I'd say that after a couple of days of texting, you want to talk to the person on the phone--I know it's shockingly old fashioned but you lose so much when you text--you don't hear tone of voice, you can't tell if someone is joking or serious, you wouldn't even know if he's really laughing at your jokes if he just sends you the smiley face, you can't tell if there are lulls in the conversation while you think of some new topic or if the talking flows freely--if you text, you can take a while to think of the perfect response but you get much more of a feeling for what the person is like if you really talk.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
Fri, 07-18-2014 - 3:16pm

Well thats the thing how do I know if he is interested in me or not, like you said what if he is only talking to me out of bordom or to pass the time? I want to know the real deal here. And yeah I know I have tried the local scene and have not the guy for me. I know the precise type of guy I want and this guy is it he just lives far away.

Besides that you've heard of stories of people who did the long distance thing and they lived happily ever after.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2006
Fri, 07-18-2014 - 5:59pm

Hi,

I think that communicating with other guys would be good because you would be opening yourself up to other men for possible dating. I mean I know it can be difficult when you are interested in one possible in pectular but try dating other men.

Let him contact you. I think that way, you can see how interested him really is in you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
Fri, 07-18-2014 - 11:29pm

I've tried dating other men who meet what I want in them but it never worked out.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: xxxs
Sat, 07-19-2014 - 12:03am

It's a numbers game.  And if doing long distance use skype or other video.  You can tell a lot on video from body language.  Texting  not at all.  Plus your post seems needy.  Never put all your eggs in one basket.  Go out with as many as you can handle.  Never commit early even is you had sex. 

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
Sat, 07-19-2014 - 12:51am

Well its almost 10PM and no word from him and I see he is online so I think he lost interest OR he is waiting for me to message him. I don't want to be the one to always have to contact him first and thats the only way he will talk to me. Isn't that bad?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 07-19-2014 - 12:48pm

Yes it is because it seems that he lost interest quickly and is looking for someone else now.  You have to assume that until you meet someone in person you should both be looking for other people.  I personally don't know any couples who met from a long distance relationship.  My one friend was introduced to someone who is about 5 hours away--this is where she was originally from and she was introduced to the man by her aunt & uncle.  They have been dating a few months.  She is already thinking of moving where he is because she doesn't want to have to continue to date long distance and she really wants to get married (they are middle aged and it would be a 2nd marriage for both of them.)  So I don't know how that will work out.

I am curious now about what "type" you are looking for.  Also do you live in an area where there aren't many single people or like a small town where it's hard to meet new people?  If so, maybe it would be better for you to consider moving to an area where you might meet more people.  For example, say you lived in a rural farming community but you really like the kind of intellectual professional type that you wouldn't be likely to meet there--then it would make sense for you to move to a city where you might find that type of man more easily.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
Sun, 07-20-2014 - 1:25am

The type of guy I am attrached too are usually musicians, metalheads, rockers, punks, emos, etc. From their look to the music they listen too and other interests tends to connect with mine and me. This guy was a metalhead, former musician, and had a job, car, his own place, wanted marriage, no kids, didn't drink, smoke or do drugs, and wanted a long term relationship leading to marriage as I said. So he had everything I was looking for and that I also was all about. But its been now 2 days and I did message him but no reply and did see him on his dating profile for like 4-6 hours straight with no reply before I sent him that message. So like you said he must have lost interest.

And I live in the city I live in Glendale/Burbank of Southern California which is in Los Angeles County. So finding someone isn't difficult but finding this type I mentioned is and I have found others but again they live far or out of state or I don't find them attractive enough so.

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