unaffectionate husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2008
unaffectionate husband
10
Wed, 10-29-2008 - 7:26pm

How do I get my husband to realize that women need affection and to feel desired by their husbands to feel fulfilled in the marriage?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 12:23am

I have the same problem, except in the reverse.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2008
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 3:02pm
Sorry to hear you are having the same problem.
Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 4:22pm

I learned how much women need affection from my loving wife. She is extremely affectionate, and I came from a family that was NOT affectionate. Once I started to follow her lead, I found that I thoroughly enjoyed

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2008
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 7:27pm

Thanks gigi_1000.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 7:40pm

I hate to say this and maybe it is not true, but do you think that he is cheating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 7:45pm

Again, does she possibly have someone else on her mind?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2008
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 7:50pm
I do worry about that, but not because I believe it's happening with my current husband.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2003
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 9:51pm

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For one thing, I wouldn't approach it from the angle of "what women need." If you do, he can volley back with statements (or secret thoughts) about what previous girlfriends needed or didn't need. ("Hmmm, Megan didn't need all these compliments." "I don't remember Amber needing so much touchy feely stuff." Etc.) I probably have a much lower need for being (sexually) desired than you do, which doesn't make either of us right or wrong -- just different.

Stick to what YOU need -- he can't possibly argue with that. Tell him that you realize that everyone is different and you're not speaking for anyone else, but that you would be much happier in the marriage if you felt desired; that if he does, in fact, feel desire for you, you'd be delighted if he could convey it at a wavelength you can receive.

HTH Freelance




Edited 10/30/2008 9:54 pm ET by freelancemomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2008
Thu, 10-30-2008 - 11:58pm
Thank you freelancemomma.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Fri, 10-31-2008 - 9:58am

Since it comes naturally for you, but is not part of his programing, I'd say You be the one to start it all.


Hug him before he goes to work, every day at the same time, make it a habit & he'll get used to doing it. Then add something else, a kiss when you get home from work. Put your hand on his thigh when driving in the car or sitting on the couch.


Make him get

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha