What does he mean "you are special"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2006
What does he mean "you are special"?
9
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 11:42am
I've been seeing this guy for a little over 2 months. We get along great. We always have stuff to talk about, we love the same food, we love staying in shape, and we have great sex. I am completely smittened by him and I think he likes me a lot too. The thing is, after a recent night together, on which I made him dinner, bought dessert, and gave him a full-body massage, he told him that I am very special and he is very appreciative. I am confused and don't know if he means that I'm special and he loves me, or that I'm special and he's not into me like I'm into him, or that I'm special and he doesn't know how he feels. I am soooo confused and have asked some of my friends for opinions, they've all given me different opinions and now I am more confused than ever, and also it probably doesn't help that I've asked some of my girl friends. So please guys, what do you mean when you tell a girl she's special?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004

OH MY GOODNESS!!!

Overanalyze much? LOL

I think it means he thought the evening was real nice and that he thinks you are special just like he said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

Here's a tip for you that can relieve your confusion. Women spend way too much time analyzing every single word a man says thinking there is a hidden agenda or hidden meaning. It is extremely rare for a man to do this. We typically say what we mean in a direct manner. If you can accept that, then you shouldn't have any stress over this.

You are special. That's what he said. It's way too early for him to love you, that's why he didn't say those words.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2005

Yup, as a guy, I have to totally agree with the spiceman on this one. Don't sweat it, kid ;).


E :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003

I normally agree with you, but I have to call "BS" on this one. The reason women always do this is because men are definitely NOT as direct as you state-at least with regards to relationships. BOTH genders love to give mixed messages when it comes to relationships...this board is RIDDLED with cases of men (and women) being indirect when it comes to commitment, exclusivity, marriage, etc....ie how many times do we hear "he said "i'm just not ready"" when he really meant "i'm really not interested in you"...or "he said "i'll call you"", when he never intended to, etc.

While I would agree men are often more direct in their "everyday" lives, I think they are even MORE ambiguous than women when it comes to romance and relationships. I think this is probably because men aren't as focused on getting married at an early age or making marriage their most important goal--accordingly, men are often content to just date someone or even be exclusive with them "for now" even if deep down they know she's not "the one"--they don't mind "wasting" time as much as young women do--most young women on the other hand, are constantly trying to find "the one" and consider any time with someone who is not "the one" a waste of time. After all, we see tons of women on this site complaining "after X years, he still hasn't proposed" or "he finally admitted he didn't want to marry ME"....yet we hardly ever see men complaining of the same thing. The indirectness of their bfs/SOs lead to these situations. Once a woman enters a long term relationship, on the other hand, she is often going to take it all the way (which may just be because she is so focused on marriage, not saying its always for the right reasons).

Many men have a great way of being just vague enough to keep many women guessing and hopeful when they don't want to end the current situation but aren't ready to take it to the next level...(i.e. "i'm not ready to get married right NOW" when what he really means is in all likelihood he'll never be ready to marry YOU) that's why we women are often left wondering......women tend to hang on and hope for the outside chance....not saying some women don't act vaguely or misleading as well, but men for their part, when faced with a women who is being "vague" seem better at realizing the odds are against something and cutting bait earlier....women on the other hand seem more hopeful and stick it out longer (which can be good or bad depending on the situation).....so that's why women often analyze everything a guy says...and I don't think this type of "analyzation" is limited to women...I know plenty of men who analyze what the girl they are dating says to them....in fact a lot of my guy buddies often call me up for the "women's perspective" on why their date said or did this or that. Its just another part of the whole dating experience to wonder about what the person you like meant but be afraid to ask them directly....hence the analyzation by everyone.




Edited 3/7/2006 2:04 pm ET by riskitgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
I'd have to call foul on that we aren't talking about someone who is wasting YEARS on someone this is a 2 month relationship here. Give me a break.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
I agree with Sally.....give us a break! No, EVERYONE doesn't analyze everything that's being said to them. Most of us hear what has been said, and we accept it. If we want to know MORE, we ask. It's called being secure, and not being needy. It's only been two months (I know, I know, that's long past YOUR "use by date") and the guy said what he said.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005

Most people mean exactly what they say. He didn't say "you're special and I'm in love with you"! He said you're special, and that's what he meant.

In two months, no matter how great the sex is and all your other things in common, you still don't know each other, and he's not making a commitment to you. He just thinks you're special. That's nice, accept it for what it is, and be glad he's appreciative of what you did for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
I'm not saying it wasn't overanalyzing in this case, I was just disagreeing with spice's GENERAL proposition that men are always direct or usually mean what they say....read my post. Here, what the girl was analyzing meant the same as what he actually SAID, but that's not always the case. Just wanted to defend the girl (and all women) who were characterized as always overanalyzing as I believe women's general tendency to "overanalyze" liikely stems from the many mixed messages they have received from men in the past.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003

"Most people mean exactly what they say."

I don't think this is true at ALL in dating situations...people often say things to keep a person interested even when they know they are not, to maintain the status quo or to avoid hurting someone's feelings. Given all these reasons for NOT always "telling it like it is", I'd say its more often people DON'T say exactly what they mean in a dating realm than when they actually do. That's why men AND women often have so many "miscommunications" and frustrations with each other.

And even if they are meaning what they SAY, what that means to them may be different that what that means to ME so I have the right to WONDER about it and ask for some opinions. IE for me to say "you're special" to someone, would mean I am very serious about them and consider them a long term relationship material...but for somoene else saying "you're special" could just mean, "hey, you're real different from most people I know." This girl is just trying to interpret what it means to her GUY (and determine if it matches with what it means to her), granted the best person to ask that would be her guy, but instead she's seeking a general male opinon, so give her a break. Its not like she's being that unreasonable.