??????

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
??????
6
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 12:47pm
i met this great guy in february we dated for about 1 month, saw each other 3 nights a week, (he was divorced 4 months prior to meeting me) had a great time, then i didnt hear from him, i stayed away and did my own thing, dated other men. Then i ran into him about 6 weeks later (beg may) went out again a few times, he said he was confused and he wasnt sure what he wanted. so i decided i should just stay away before my heart gets broken, because i really fell pretty fast with this guy. i never slept with him. so i stayed away.
last week i ran into him and he asked me out, we went out and it was like every other time were together its pretty great, we can talk about anything, we laugh constantly. he explained why he stopped calling and all the things hes been going through with his ex wife and that he does want to be with me but he just needs his time and that he wouldnt keep trying to see me if he didnt have feeling for me.
i have pretty strong feelings for this man and we just really get each other. i shouldnt have but i did, i slept with him, which was pretty spectacular. we then spent the remainder of the weekend together. i didnt take his number this time as i dont want to push him, because he said he needs to take it slowly. it is now only tuesday and i just want to see him. i dont know if i should see what happens or just move on, as i dont know if i should trust him sticking around this time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
In reply to: gidgetsmt
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 1:57pm
One question. This last time you saw him, and slept with him. Did he say anything about "dating" you? Or where he's at right now, or anything?

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
In reply to: gidgetsmt
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 2:55pm
we did discuss taking our and timeseeing where this goes. we did make plans to see each other this weekend. as far as where he is mentally, i think hes into this, otherwise i dont think he would have come back around the 3rd time. but i cant answer for anyone, i have been with honest people and liars so i guess i will only know when i see him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
In reply to: gidgetsmt
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 3:00pm

If he wants to just take his time and sees where it goes, then basically, you are going to have to "go with the flow".

Is that something you can deal with? Something you're willing to do? If so, then I would make a mental boundary of HOW LONG you are willing to go with the flow, until you expect or want more.

And remember, just because he's sleeping with you, doesn't means he's not sleeping with anyone else. Unless you two spoke of sexual exclusivity, do NOT assume he's NOT sleeping with other women (or dating them too).

Hugs. I did this once. I think I lasted a few weeks. You can decide what you can do.

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
In reply to: gidgetsmt
Tue, 06-14-2005 - 3:38pm

This is something you need to discuss with him. The relationship is never going to go anywhere if he keeps dropping in and out of your life. The next time you hear from him, you need to let him know that if he wants to be with you, he needs to promise you that he's going to stop disappearing and reappearing like he did before. If he's not ready for that, then he needs to be honest with you so you can move on. Also, if he says he can be there for you, but then he disappears again, I would definitely forget him.

For now, though, if I'm understanding correctly, it hasn't even been a full 48 hours since you last saw him. I think it's too early to be stressing out. Just try to keep yourself occupied with other things.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2005
In reply to: gidgetsmt
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 7:39am
im not stressing out about it, and we have talked about not sleeping or dating anyone else and he assures me hes a one woman guy, he has told me this since the day we met. we did talk about being together, as far as the disappearing thing goes, he did that the first time we started dating, the 2nd time around was me, i walked away. this time i think i should just see what happens and if he starts to run i wont be back again i know that, but i did say that the last time also. its just hard standing your ground sometimes when your hearts involved.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
In reply to: gidgetsmt
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 12:05pm

Just be real about this..........

Did you "talk" about not dating anyone else, or did you two AGREE not to date or sleep with anyone else?

I have been with MANY 'one-woman' men, or so they say. I've been with men who tell me they HATE men who cheat, only to cheat. I've been with a few men who HATE abusers, yet, they hit me. Talk is cheap. Especially when it's, "yeah, I'm a one-woman guy" versus him saying, "I'd like to be exclusive, and I'd like it if you didn't sleep nor date anyone else, and I wont' sleep nor date anyone else. Agreed?"

If it was an agreement. Good. Go with the flow on this one, and if he disappears, well, that'll be the nature of your r'ship, and if you're okay with that, great. If not, time to move on, heart involved or not.

Just keep your eyes wide open. Watch his actions. Hear his words, but don't put everythign into them. And although your heart is trying to take over, be sure to balance it with your head.

~pineapple_girl