10yrs and I still love my Ex
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10yrs and I still love my Ex
| Tue, 11-08-2005 - 4:00pm |
Ladies I really need your help, It has been 10yrs since Stephanie and I broke up and my heart still longs for her. I have since married a wonderful woman I feel very guilty but cannot help it. I beleive that Stephanie has married as well, so the whole thing is hopless which adds to my dismay. I cannot beleive that if I still care for after all these years that my feelings cannot be infatuaton or wanting what I can't have (obsession). Please help, any advice is appreciated - how do I cope? get over? HELP

Marie
I agree with both posters.
There's nothing wrong with having feelings and fond memories of your exs. They were a part of your life and made you who you are.
I do have to agree with the other poster too who said you need to take a look at your current relationship to. While it's normal and healthy to still hold fond memories of an ex it isn't normal to "long for" them. Your past should be something to look back on with fondness not soemthing that prevents you from living and loving in the present which is what you seem to be doing.
Loving someone else rather then your spouse is HORRIBLY unfair to your spouse. If you still had these sorts of strong feelings for your ex you had no business promising to love another for the rest of your life. It was selfish, unrealistic, and just plain wrong. What were you think, that you'd get married and these feelings would evaporate over night?
And, OF COURSE, your feelings could be nothing more then infatuation or wanting what you can't have. Reality check... it happens to a lot of people. You lose someone you love and you hang on for dear life until you find the soemthing out there that is better for you.
Only problem is in your case (and in many others) you give up looking for the something better and settle for someone who loves you more then you love them and wind up pining away for what might have been. You see it as longing for your ex, the reality is you simply long for something better suited for you then what you have, and your ex was better so you fixate on that.
This isn't about your ex, it's about the fact you settled rather then waiting for what you really wanted and what felt really right and true to you. You did the human thing and got scared that you wouldn't find anyone as great as your ex and so you just decide to do the selfish thing and be with someone who loves you rather then waiting to find someone you loved as much as they loved you. After all being loved, even if you don't return the feelings completely, is better then being alone. At least for you...
I feel really bad for your wife.