10yrs and I still love my Ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2005
10yrs and I still love my Ex
3
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 4:00pm
Ladies I really need your help, It has been 10yrs since Stephanie and I broke up and my heart still longs for her. I have since married a wonderful woman I feel very guilty but cannot help it. I beleive that Stephanie has married as well, so the whole thing is hopless which adds to my dismay. I cannot beleive that if I still care for after all these years that my feelings cannot be infatuaton or wanting what I can't have (obsession). Please help, any advice is appreciated - how do I cope? get over? HELP
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 11-08-2005 - 4:32pm
Well, it has been 10 yrs since one of my ex's and I still love him. Doesn't take away from the feelings I have for my current bf nor did it from my ex husband. I loved my ex for who he was and he was a great part of my life so I expect to love him still. Don't feel guilty just think of the things you learned from that relationship and how it made you who you are today. Be happy because many are not fortunate to have a loves from the past that they can honestly say they still love because of who they were. I am sure you two may could be friends down the road because of the bond you had. Enjoy it.

Marie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2005
Wed, 11-09-2005 - 11:56pm
Dude, you need to figure out what's going on with the relationship with your current SO/DS. There must be something missing or things could be boring at the moment that you are thinking of your ex. Do you consider your DS as a friend? I have a feeling that you are not emotionally connected to DS thus you long for your ex. You have a void in your heart and I empathize with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Thu, 11-10-2005 - 8:35am

I agree with both posters.

There's nothing wrong with having feelings and fond memories of your exs. They were a part of your life and made you who you are.

I do have to agree with the other poster too who said you need to take a look at your current relationship to. While it's normal and healthy to still hold fond memories of an ex it isn't normal to "long for" them. Your past should be something to look back on with fondness not soemthing that prevents you from living and loving in the present which is what you seem to be doing.

Loving someone else rather then your spouse is HORRIBLY unfair to your spouse. If you still had these sorts of strong feelings for your ex you had no business promising to love another for the rest of your life. It was selfish, unrealistic, and just plain wrong. What were you think, that you'd get married and these feelings would evaporate over night?

And, OF COURSE, your feelings could be nothing more then infatuation or wanting what you can't have. Reality check... it happens to a lot of people. You lose someone you love and you hang on for dear life until you find the soemthing out there that is better for you.

Only problem is in your case (and in many others) you give up looking for the something better and settle for someone who loves you more then you love them and wind up pining away for what might have been. You see it as longing for your ex, the reality is you simply long for something better suited for you then what you have, and your ex was better so you fixate on that.

This isn't about your ex, it's about the fact you settled rather then waiting for what you really wanted and what felt really right and true to you. You did the human thing and got scared that you wouldn't find anyone as great as your ex and so you just decide to do the selfish thing and be with someone who loves you rather then waiting to find someone you loved as much as they loved you. After all being loved, even if you don't return the feelings completely, is better then being alone. At least for you...

I feel really bad for your wife.