Advice?
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Advice?
| Tue, 07-19-2005 - 4:40pm |
I just wanted some advice. I have been in a relationship now for 2 years. After one year we moved in together to a more expensive place but recently in Febuary he moved out we were having issues getting along and I felt a lack of financial commitment, we were supposed to start working towards saving to eventually buy something but he just kept putting it off. Now I'm stuck paying for this new place by myself and I have a daughter to raise and I'm just filled with alot of resentment. Recently we have tried to reconcile but I just can't seem to get over the fact that he left me with all the bills and he moved in with a friend and he's saying he needs to start paying of his excessive debt. You see I'm 36 and he's 29 and although he says he wants all the things I do..Marriage, children he left out the fact that he owes alot for Credit Card debt and Student Loans which he never told me until we broke up. He has alot of good qualities that I love about him, he's always been good to me and my daughter in other ways and is very unselfish and always willing to do stuff around us. The problem is,I have always been incredibly independent and very good with bills even on my own I have managed to send my daughter to private school, furnish an entire house and have excellant credit so I was shocked when I found out that my BF has alot of debt and has nothing to show for it, before moving in with me he was living with his parents and seems just content with what he has and there is a lack of ambition that fears me. I'm totally goal orientated and like to plan things out and work towards my goals where as he likes to play it by ear. He wasn't upfront about his financial standing in the beginning of the relationship and I resent the fact that now after 2 years he is telling me he isn't financially capable of buying a house with me or starting a family it will take him another year or so. I'm just worried about my age and losing the time I have to start having another child. I just don't know if I should take a chance and stick it out with him because I really do believe he loves me, I'm scared that after another year that he still won't be ready to commit financially and I'll be even older. I just don't feel like the relationship is progressing like I would like it to and I'm torn whether or not to end it with him. Am I being the selfish one?

ginad320...
This one is simple.
With your b/f's past debts that need to be taken care of....do you HONESTLY think he can assume the responsibility of supporting you and your daughter too? You've already gotten 'stuck' paying for the new place. So even if the two of you reconciled and eventually married, it's a pretty good indication that more financial woes are ahead?
When you say the words: "I DO"---creditors often interpret those 2 words as your willingness to accept financial responsibility for bills that haven't been paid. They don't care who (in the household) takes responsibility. They just want their money!
Ask yourself this: IS MY HAPPINESS (ALONG WITH THAT OF MY DAUGHTER) STRONGER WITH HIM? OR WITHOUT HIM?
Pianoguy
Sometimes it amazing how telling one sentance can be: "I'm just worried about my age and losing the time I have to start having another child."
Basically what your post says to me is that you already know he isn't the right guy for you. He's a good guy basically, one you care about and one who cares about you, probably you both even love each other, but that doesn't make him the right guy to spend your life with and you know it. I can tell from your post that you know it. He just isn't financially responsible enough for you to be willing to commit your life to him.
And with that single sentance you explain why your willing to keep him in consideration even though your instincts are telling you he isn't the one. You want another child and you're afraid that if you move on to someone else you may not have time.
I'm sure you already know this too, but maybe a reminder wont hurt. Having another child with THE RIGHT MAN, is about a gazillion times more important then having another child ON TIME. Wait for the right guy to come a long, the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, and THEN worry about having another child. Don't put the cart before the horse it's bound to lead you in the wrong direction.
Thanks to modern medicine women are able to have children later and later and if for some reason that simply isn't meant to be there is always adoption and you could fall in love with a man who already has another child. Don't close the door on finding a love that can last a lifetime because you want another baby. You'll be shortchanging yourself and your child and your future child.