After 1.5 years together...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2009
After 1.5 years together...
Tue, 05-12-2009 - 3:00pm

Hi, I really don't know which board to post on. I posted on a couple other boards, too. :) Here it goes...

I'm in a weird situation right now. I've lived in

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Wed, 05-13-2009 - 9:45am

So basically you want him to say, "move in with me and I'll take care of you...etc", or for him to propose to you so that you don't have to move. Unfortunately during these times it's hard to make ends meet, so I understand that, and you do what you have to do in order to survive. Other things to consider is you could get a part time job wherever you live. But if you are struggling, then I understand the move.

He hasn't really brought up the whole marriage and moving in thing to you, but seems to be comfortable where things are right now. With guys, normally when things are staring you in the face (i.e. the fact that you will be moving if the job is offered) it's sometimes not that obvious to them. You gotta speak your mind to them in a non threatening way to get your point across.

If he was ready to move to the next step, he would have done so already. Bottom line, he's not ready. And you really can't force the issue either. You on the other hand, you have to take care of yourself and pay your own way, and you aren't expecting him to foot the bill. You gotta handle your business and if the job is offered, go ahead and take it.

Right now it's not really phasing him because you are still here. If you do get the job, and start to move, if he cares for you like you want him to, you'll see a change. If not, then you are doing the best thing for you right now, starting over. If you do get the job, and he starts to question things and the relationship (i.e: what's gonna happen to us...etc). You can tell him that you love him, but after 1.5 years (and at 31...which you should be ready at that point) you haven't seen any sign that he's ready and you have to take care of yourself.

Remember that if he truly wants to be with you, he'll do whatever it takes to keep you, and will put his money where his mouth is. You can ask him straight up if he's ready for that next step with you, and if he can't answer it, you have your answer. Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2009
Wed, 05-13-2009 - 12:31pm

Thanks for your reply.

I've never adjusted well to change. The thought of moving without him scares me - aside from the huge change of just moving to a new city even if it were with him. I guess sometimes in life you have to just let go, and go with it. I'll go into serious debt if I'm not open to taking a job elsewhere, and currently my career and finances are stagnant.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2006
Mon, 05-18-2009 - 12:29pm


Welcome to the board! Sometimes we expect things from people and are disapponted when the outcome isn't what we had hoped. IMO this situation seems like something that you need to discuss directly from him. Wanting him to be there for you during hardship isn't traditional, its what most of us want from the one we love. The only way to find out what he is thinking is by actually asking him. You just have to be prepared for whatever answer he gives. He may be torn because on the one hand he loves you and may not want you to go but on the other he doesn't want to hold you back and begin to resent him for that.

Just talk to him, then at least you know where you stand. Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2008
Thu, 05-21-2009 - 7:58pm
I think you just need to sit down with him and talk about it. Guessing what he may be thinking will drive you crazy. I imagine you are somewhat afraid that you will get an answer you don't like but you do need to know where he is coming from.