After everything.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2005
After everything.....
2
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 2:08am

I posted my soap opera on the 20somethings relationship page but I know I'll end up going back to him so I'm posting this. If I knew it wasn't going to happen again, I could forgive and forget with no problem. The problem is I refuse to just be blind to the situation if it does happen again. How many times is too many? Long story very short. I set myself up for drama by dating a married man (they were seperated). I had prepared myself for if he went back to her.....and he did for about 2 weeks. I don't really hold that against him, after all it is his wife and they were married for over 2 years. I think he should had given them another chance, esp. since he blames himself for the marriage not working. Granted he didn't have the guts to just tell me, he tried to have his cake and eat it too but were past that now. I didn't set myself up for the fact that he cheated on me (even though he swear there was nothing physical between them after we got serious, it was emotional either way). So were trying to move past THAT on top of the other BS. Then he kisses some girl to "get back at me" because he had heard I kissed someone while we were out. The most immature thing ever. Well of course...he wants me back. And I want to be with him. More than anything. But whatever trust had been rebuilt was destroyed the other night. I dont want to be living in this little fake "were in love" world if its only one sided. He can say it all day long but until he proves it things aren't going to be the way they should. My question is.....what do I do now? He wants things back like they were before the "kiss".....back to him proving his love, rebuilding trust, and taking the steps toward us being together before the world. We went to dinner last night, and talked a lot. Before the dinner I was asking myself the question.... How do I just jump back into it? Is there anyway of not? How do you go "slow" at this point? I think it was terrible that I was just numb to the fact that it happened again, but it's almost like I was just waiting for it again and it wasn't a big surprise. What a way to be in love?? Anyway he told me when I left he was miserable, and he told me he loved me again, and I swear I could see it in his eye's. We talked on the phone all day, he brought me food at work tonight, and I just called him at 1 am because I got upset at work and he calmed me down, and said he loved me before we got off the phone. I'm going over there in the morning. I was just wondering if I'm the only person in the world that thinks it could work after everything we've been through. NONE of my friends, family, or coworkers think it will and everyone says I'll just get hurt again. I really dont know if I could survive it again, it was almost unbearable the first time. I do love him and I have forgave him. I believe he loves me also. Just let me know your thoughts please. Thanks.

PS.
I'm very happy now, although I still have my doubts and hurt, I am happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 2:13pm

I'm curious why you post if "I know I'll end up going back to him ..."? Why bother asking for even more opinions that you aren't going to listen to? "NONE" (your emphasis) of your friends or family or co-workers (the people who know you best) think this is a good idea and believe you'll just end up hurt again. But they're all wrong right? Because this smooth talking guy is now telling you what you want to hear. You'd rather secure those blinders and remain in this situation of pain, because while it hurts, it's at least familiar pain and familiar is comfortable. You know how to deal with this type of dissapointment. To break away from him and start a relationship with someone who could actually love you and then possibly hurt you if it didn't work out is far scarrier a risk.

So again I ask, why bother asking?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Fri, 01-06-2006 - 2:20pm
Have you thought about seeing a counselor? Do you think he would agree to go to a couples' therapist? Even if he won't go, it might help you talk about your situation to an unbiased professional. Good luck.