After One Year, Still No I Love You

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2006
After One Year, Still No I Love You
10
Tue, 05-11-2010 - 11:40pm

I've been seeing someone for a little over a year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 2:25am

Chelsel, I'm a little confused. Your post mentions being together for a year. But you also mention 8 months in the present tense.

How many months have you actually been together. It's just that 8 months is far closer to 6 months than 12.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 7:28am
True, I read that her boyfriend's previous relationship lasted eight months
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 8:35am

Crab, it's this bit which confuses me:

>>We've gone very slowly through all this, and I think that we are probably a bit surprised that we are still together after eight months<<

The way it's worded makes it sound like they are at the 8 month point now.

Anyway, just to clarify why I'm being picky. At 8 months, I think it's still a little too soon to be *expecting* declarations of love and long term commitment. However, 12 months is probably into the zone of thinking that a partner should know what they want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 8:51am
Oh I totally get you now. I'm confused too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2006
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 9:02am
Sorry everyone - guess I was still thinking about his relationship that lasted eight months.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 9:11am

Thanks for clearing that up! I think there's a big difference between 8 and 13 months in a relationship.

I'm a bit surprised that you've been dating this long and you don't have the amount of comfort with him to either say "I love you" yourself, or to understand why he hasn't said it. Do you feel like you know him really well? Is there security and trust and love (even if unspoken) between you? Would you feel comfortable asking him if he loves you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2009
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 1:53pm

http://www.5lovelanguages.com/


I like this book because it tells how we all have different ways of expressing our love and how we like to receive it.


For me the expression to receive is physical touch and to show love is acts of service.


You bf may have a different way of expressing how he cares for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 3:13pm

I agree, everyone has their own way of expressing their love. Not everyone has to say I love you 20 times a day either.

But what irks me is that he didn't make any contact for 5 days and at the 8 day mark said he wasn't ready to respond. So if he did love her, I think something else would have proven it. Not this silence for over a week or saying he was "too busy and not ready." If you don't need a whole lot of affirmation, then I guess this would be fine, but it sounds like you're really pulling teeth to get something out of him, and he replied with a text "I think we have something good between us." And i do think after a year there'd be a bit more connection going on.

Do you feel good in this relationship? It is easy to get close, do you feel respected and do you respect him, is there passion? Are most of your needs being met?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2006
Wed, 05-12-2010 - 3:38pm

Thanks for everyone's thoughts and input.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Thu, 05-13-2010 - 10:13am
I don't blame you for being frustrated. I think backing off is a good idea. Good luck with your custody mediation and keep us updated.

Photobucket