Age Difference

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2005
Age Difference
4
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 4:17pm
Ok, I'm in an iffy situation. I have this crazy crush on a guy. But not just any guy, one who happens to be 5 yrs. younger than me. He's 16 and I'm 21. Normally, I wouldn't even give a second thought to getting involved in a relationship like this, but I am so attracted to this guy. He is mature beyond his years and we have perfect chemistry whenever we get together. I'm just apprehensive about feeling this way about him and about the friendship developing into something more because I'm worried about what everyone else will think. I really don't want to adopt the reputation of being a "cradle-robber" lol. Any advice or opinions would be appreciated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
In reply to: kate_623
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 5:01pm

Unless you have absolutely NO PROBLEM NOT having any sort of sexual r'ship for the next two years, I honestly have to say that THAT age difference is huge beyond huge. He is a totally different place than you. I don't care how "mature" he is, he's in high school. Will you be his date for the prom? Will you be picking him up after school? I hope you never want to go to a club or a bar with him. Heck, or even a comedy club for that matter.

Remember. In some states, dating may not be illegal, but have sex with him, and you're committing statutory rape. Heck, in some states, dating him could be committing some kind of weird child sex act.

First, I'd check your state laws. Second, if you're okay never having sex for the next two years, and truly feel he's on the same level as you, even though you're completely in a different lifetime than he is right now, I say screw it. Besides, I'm sure all his friends will think he's cool, for having an "older" gf.

Sorry to be so down about it. But I think you're playing with fire here. If you were 18, I probably wouldn't care as much. But seeing as how you're 21. BIG difference.

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
In reply to: kate_623
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 7:01pm

<< But not just any guy, one who happens to be 5 yrs. younger than me. He's 16 and I'm 21. >>

It's not the 5 years that's a problem. It's that he's a minor. Sorry to be blunt here ... but, mature for his age or not, he's 16. Reality check. You have reason to be apprehensive. He's 16. He's a minor. You're 21. You're legal. Who cares about what other people think ... that's not the reason to be apprehensive ... you should care more about what it is about you that's attracted to a 16-year-old. If he were 18 and you were 23, I'd still think ... what is it about an 18-y/o that is truly desireable to a 23-y/o ... when you can CHOOSE to date someone who's at least as old as you and is in a comparable place in their life ...at 16, all that applies PLUS he's not legal. Let this one go and let him date some high school girls.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
In reply to: kate_623
Mon, 06-06-2005 - 7:52pm

Hi,

I think that if you like the guy then who cares what other people think. However, I'm from Canada and your legally able to have sex at 14. **Yes I know that's a creepy age limit, but people make their own choices, and it's up to them to make their own mistakes.**

I'm curious as to how you even met this guy...it's none of my business, and I don't even want to know, but I just find it odd that you got yourself into a situation with someone as young as he is.

Usually 21 year olds are in the college scene or more into their work or whatever...basically anywhere but highschool. Oh well, it doesn't really matter, but I would be wary of what he wants from you. I knew a guy who dated an older woman in highschool (he was 17 and she was 30), and he liked her because she had a car, she could boot for him, and she was an experienced older woman (sex and such). I wouldn't like playing the mother role with any guy I was dating, but that could happen with a guy of any age it seems.

You are an independent person whereas he is not. Even if he is wise beyond his years, that doesn't mean that you won't have to have him in bed by 10pm on school nights. Plus his parents might be an issue, since it seems like an awkward situation to be in.

Think things through a bit more, and if you decide to proceed with the relationship don't let things get out of hand. If you are living in the states it would be really creepy to think that you could be commiting a crime just for sleeping with this guy. That would be such a turn off, lol :OP.

Good Luck :O)! Here's an idea: you could wait until he's a little older to pursue any kind of relationship! But, it probably wouldn't be any fun waiting around for someone to be legal...I suppose that's what old men did to Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, lol. Ew, sorry anyways...

Yvy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2004
In reply to: kate_623
Tue, 06-07-2005 - 2:31pm
Okay well here is my knowledge I ended up seeing a guy who was 16 when I was 21, but I didn't know that he was only 16 until we were arleady seeing each other. He had dropped out of school and gotten a GED, had a job, and lived on his own. Plus his mom never mentioned anything really about all she ever said was how great I was for him because we were so happy. In Georgia as long as they are 16 they are legal. Also for informational purposes my sister who is 27 is dating an 18yr old and seems to be the happiest she has been in a long time. His mom also seems to think that it is great.