age diffrences????

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2005
age diffrences????
36
Thu, 04-21-2005 - 1:05pm

Hi all I have a quick question.

I have known this guy for a couple of years now but never really talked to him much up until 8 mnths ago. I am very close to my daughters grandma (my ex's mom, yeah weird but she is my bf)well I hang out there all the time and her brothers friend always hangs out there too. FOr the past 8 months weve been hanging out and we have developed a great friendship. We are so much alike it's crazy. So I am kindof crushing over him right now, see I wasn't really attracted to him but after I got to know him his personality made him seem attractive to me now and he's all around good guy. Well my daughters grandma told me she thinks he starting to have a crush on me. But I never told anyone that I have a crush on him. So I kindof blew it off.

My main problem is our age I am 25 and he is 35 going to be 36. And I have never dated an older man. Do you think that age diffrence is bad?

I want to keep things the way they are but I'm worried if it becomes more than friends down the line, because I have been hurt sooooo many times. But the men I dated in the past were my age or younger. I have never dated such an older man before. But I was told that dating someone older could be better for me. I just need some advice.

Thanks

-Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2005
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 1:49pm
I would urge you to talk to your x ahead of time...might help to alleviate that stess about your daughter anyway. Everything else will work itself out. Someone else's child can't replace your own...no matter how much you might learn to care about that child. The wonder of our hearts is that there is LOTS of room for love...Sounds like you're taking things slow and easy with this guy which is great. Lots of times if you rush things you crash and burn. That has been my and my SO's experiences. Slow and easy. It's so easy to get caught up in emotion and feelings and just run with them. But it you take a step or two back and keep your head, things have a way of working out. My SO read your post and he thinks you could have a really good thing going here. He's usually right....(aren't men always, according to them anyway? lol) Good luck. Becky
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2005
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 2:17pm

Thanks alot Becky, you have been a great help. My last relationship was so hot and heavy and everything was rushed so fast with us that it finally fizzeled 5 mnths after it started. And I told my self that the next one I will take at a slower pace. I learned alot from my last relationship.

Thanks for all your help.

-Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 4:34pm

Michelle,

I have been following your story with great interest - what a love story! This guy sounds great, sounds like he's into you, and you're into him - it's great that you are not rushing things, but I do hope you kiss him soon - I'm on the edge of my seat!

Keep posting updates and very best wishes!

Coolas

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 4:50pm

Michelle...hugs to you and welcome back under a new name.

Steffy
CO-cl of Is It Meant to Be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2005
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 5:18pm

Awww!! Thankyou so much , you made me smile! LOL!!!

Yes you are right I was NOT looking for a relationship at all, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Him and I have had such a nice friendship for the past 8 mnths and then one day boom it hit me. I am not quite sure if I am ready for a relationship right now but I am going to take this slow as friends and sees what becomes of it.

The move and my dd dad is enough for me right now. But I am going to continue to see Andy and develop our friendship more and after the move and stuff maybe we can start dating. I don't know but only time will tell.

Thanks so much!

-Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2005
Tue, 04-26-2005 - 5:23pm

lol!!! you just made me crack up! yeah if things work out this would be a great story to tell years down the line. And believe me if anything happens you all will know right away. LOL!!!!

Thanks so much!

-Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 1:07am
you say that you really hit it off and developed a great friendship, and that should be the base of things, friendship. from my experience, as long as you are on the same level in other respects, it can be great. age is just a number, but what phase of life you are both in is important, so just go slow, and make sure of what you're getting into. take all of your needs into consideration, and his as well. if you can both give eachother what you need, and have fun with it, then you're good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2005
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 1:32am
you're making me jealous, lol. thats by far the best place to be, in those first awkward moments in the beginning when you don't know what's going to happen. as for your commitment problems, i think that i am wired exactly like you. with the sex thing and everything. i went through a short period of time where i had too much unemotional sex, and i am a very emotional person. i think that i detach myself from things on purpose, and i guard myself, so its so much safer to do it like that. but i guess eventually you have to get your heart involved. you're doing everything right though, taking it slow. thats definately the way to go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2005
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 10:36am

Thanks for your reply. I am well known for being emotionally detached and that's why I found the FWB thing conveient. I really like being around him. I am not sure if you read through the other post or not but a couple of days ago I was so stressed about my move and my dd dad and stuff. Well yesturday I met my dd dad's new girlfriend and it went really well, she was really nice and I explained to her about how close I am to the family and how his mom took me in when I was 15 yrs old and how she is a mother figure to me and I told her that she will be seeing alot of me but not to worry cause I am no threat. And she understands completely cause she has a 5 1/2 yr old son and her ds dad is involed in her son's life. So I was so happy cause a HUGE weight got lifted off my chest and yesturday was the first day my dd met her too and I was really concerned how she would react to her dad having a girlfriend but my dd took it great. So overall yesturday was a good day.

Well when I left my dd dads house, I went up to my dd grandma's house and I was hoping that Andy would be up there cause I wanted to tell him how great it went meeting my dd dad's new girlfriend. But he wasn't up there. Yesturday my dd dad gave me his cell phone to keep and he agreed to pay half of the bill each month. So as I was going through the phone numbers and deleting them I ran across Andy's phone #.( See I didn't have a phone for awhile and I never asked or new his phone #)

Well I keeped it in the phone. And I called him and was messing with him on the phone and making my voice sound diffrent and he was like who is this and I started laughing like it's me , Raul (dd dad) gave me his cell phone and I was going through it and I came across your number, and he started laughing. Then he called me back a half hour later and he played the same trick on me that I did to him and then he started laughing.

When I was talking to him I had to tell him how the meet with my dd dad's new girlfriend, and he was so interested in it, and we laughed and giggled and it went PERFECT.

Well this morning he called me at 7:30 am and I ansewred and he was like what are you doing and I was like watching the news and he was getting ready to leave for work. So we talked for a little bit and we hung up.

Well Since that call I rec'ved this morning I am literally GLOWING.

That's a really good sign that he called me this morning, right? It shows that he was thinking about me, right?

Sorry so long I am on cloud nine. But I am still going to move slowly on the intimate and relationship thing, because I want our friendship to grow stronger and beleive me it is.

Thanks

-Michelle

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 4:01pm

Good for you! I'm smiling for you! Sounds like you've got yourself a good guy! Enjoy! And keep keeping us posted, I'm loving this story!

Coolas