A ? for ALL- What do you do for your BF?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
A ? for ALL- What do you do for your BF?
19
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 11:56am

Hey ladies I hope you can all help me out. The reason why I am asking is my bf sort of jokingly mentioned i was a bit self centered. This led me to think of the things he does for me Vs. what I do for him.
Wow...he has been right I really haven't done that much except cook a couple of times-we've been dating 6 months. He on the other hand, wines and dines me upscale every single weekend. Wining and dining him is not an option I'm 24 and a student, he's 30 and a pharmacist. It's not that I don't care for him, but I am used to guys sort of always catering to me, but I want my guy to really know i care for him. I really want this to last and this is why I want to change.

So what type of things do you do for your guy on a regular basis?

Thanks for helping me out!

Spoiled in Texas,
Raegan

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2005
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 5:01am
Yes, I do lots of those "LITTLE THINGS" for my bf. I can't really say whether he appreciates them or not cuz he doesn't express anything . He sure doesn't do them for me, unless I just get mad or upset then he asks questions. He wants me to tell him when I want to go out, want attention, or just a hug. Why can't he think for himself and try to please me in his own way? I am thinking that after 4 years he should have his own clue by now. Wouldn't you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 8:15am

There's lots of things you can do for him that don't cost a lot or anything at all.

Give him a massage. Just tell him how much you appreciate he does for you. Tell him how much you care about him and storke his ego a little. Heck put out, guys love that. Model sexy undies for him.

Ask him what he'd like and give it to him. He knows your financial situation so it's doubtful if you akse dhim that he was ask for soemthing you couldn't afford to give.

If he's talkign about it more then likely he's simply feeling unappreciated and it isn't even direct reciprocation he's looking for. He's probably just loking for a sign that you love him and appreciate the efforts he makes to impress you and show you how much he cares. He just wants to feel as loved and special as he tries to make you feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 11:29am

It doesn't sound like you two are very compatible. AFter 4 years, expect nothing to change. He'll never get it. He'll always expect you to tell him. If you can live with that, great. If not, I'd seriously consider moving on.

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2005
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 3:45pm

Being accussed of self-centeredness can be harsh. Its easy to fall into patterns of behavior. Good for you for wanting to correct the out-of-balance he is feeling! Men don't always mean they want you to pick up the tab equally, if at all... What I bet he's lacking is the nuturing appreciation from you. Here are some of my favorites:
1. Massages-works everytime.
2. Make brownies before you meet him out and invite him to your place for desert. The fact that you obviously were thinking of him before that moment will mean alot.
3. Love notes. Can't say enough about love notes. Its a lost art. I'm not talking about writing sonnets, but little notes that he can find that express affections towards him.

Little efforts can make a huge difference towards his perspective of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2005
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 4:27am
THANKS PINEAPPLE GIRL. I HAVE TRIED TO MOVE ON BEFORE AND CAN'T SEEM TO LIVE HAPPILY WITHOUT HIM. ALSO, MY SISTER AND HIS BROTHER JUST GOT MARRIED AND HAVE A 3YR. OLD TOGETHER: THEREFORE WE ARE ALWAYS GOING TO HAVE TO BE AROUND EACH OTHER. I HAVE LEARNED ALOT OF THINGS THROUGH HIM AND EXPERIENCED A FEW TOO. I CAN SAY HE HAS BEEN TAUGHT A FEW THINGS BY ME, BUT I AM NOT SURE THAT HE ACTUALLY LEARNED ANYTHING. IF I HADN'T ALREADY SPENT SOOOO MUCH TIME WITH THIS MAN, IT WOULD BE EASIER.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 3:44pm

Nikita and Steff,

Thanks for all the ideas! Well...I recently brought out the lingerie for my guy and he has been so thrilled. I can't believe how much of an impact VS has had-lol. He has def responded. Dressing up a lil at night, he even told me makes him feel special. In the past,I'd usually come to bed in an oversized t-shirt. This has also brought out the more affectionate side of him- it seems he can't keep his hands off me lately. I love all the attention,plus his attitude seems better too, so far he's less complaintive. I would have never thought about being considerate in this way.

Thanks girlies,
Raegan

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 4:03pm

Hi Nick91171,

I really think you hit it right on the money. I think my guy is starting to feel a bit unappreciated. I've already pulled out the lingerie(last weekend) and he's been thrilled about that. I think i will start to stroke his ego a little more,besides I think he needs some help in that dept anyways. I can tell how much he enjoys it when I give him a lot of attention. His face lights up when i tell him how extra cute he's looking ect.
But I like your massage suggestion, I will def have to add that on the agenda. I want him to know that I do care about him, and that it's not just all about me anymore.

thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 4:18pm

To eveyone,
Hey I just wanted to thank everyone for responding. I think my guy is just looking for some nuturing appreciation on my part, which I really haven't done. I have learned it's not about paying(thanks dgo-girl),b/c last weekend I offered to pay eveytime I went out and he insisted on it. But getting to know him and the ways I can make him feel special, like the lingerie, and the massages are great ideas. I have even snuck into the shower with him,so showing him some extra attention i can tell really makes all the difference.

Gurl cola
;0)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 4:19pm

Let me share something with you I have learned about men:

In a male female relationship sex is like glue and a barometer. It holds things together and it lets you know if there is storm is brewing. Just like a barometer if the sex level drops there's a storm brewing, or at least that's what MEN think.

Having sex regularly with your partner reassures them that everything is alright, it ups the intimacy physically and emotionally even if the the sex is more animal then "making love" makes it sound. The important thing is your being accepting and loving toward your partner when they are physically vulnerable to you. That sends the message I love, I care for you, I still think you're hot and worthy of my attention.

When it comes right down to it we just haven't evolved away from traditional gender roles as we might like to think. Men still usually see themselves as the provider and protector and see you as the nuturer. They want you to think they are the best protector and provider available. One way they know you think that is when you have sex with them.

I know this may all sound a little passe, but hey, if your dealing with a macho guy who is maybe a little passe in his thinking you got go with what works, not what you might like to work. :)

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