Am I being naive? Is he interested? or just wanting to do his "Christian duty"?

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Am I being naive? Is he interested? or just wanting to do his "Christian duty"?
2
Fri, 05-24-2013 - 2:11pm

I dont mean to be sounding dumb here.  Is he interested?  Im getting some mixed opinions.

Am I being naive?  Is he interested? or just wanting to do his "Christian duty"?

Ive reconnected w/someone from years ago.  He IS very Christian & he knows Ive been going thru some very tough times lately.   He's listened to a lot Ive said & Ive listed to a good bit of his.  Ive seen him a couple times.   The last time he gave me a VERY wonderful long hug - but then Id just lost my mom.   

We have flurries of texts & emails here & there.  

He has made remarks such as that we seem to have been similar things and he wants to be a good soundboard & can be a good person to talk to.   Last time I saw him (w/the big long hug), he said he'd talk to me soon.

I dont want to sound like an idiot - if he's truly just wanting to "help me thru" my hard times & be a soundingboard & a good Christian.

IS he wanting more, do you think?  (as I am, of course)

Mixed reviews from my friends - some say he himself is probably trying to figure out what I want - at the same time that Im trying to figure HIM out.....

And then -

It's been soooooo long.   :)

How do you go about a first kiss?    He doesnt seem the tongue type - at least at first.    Does everyone get to tongue?    Id been married 20+ years til recently - but suddenly I dont know what to do - or maybe it's just psychological or Im analyzing it too much.  Would it just come naturally?   Feel like a preteen!!!  

And how do you deal w/the "who pays?" thing.   :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Has he said anything to make you think that he wants more than friendship?  A hug really doesn't mean much--I do hug my male friends.  Does he ask you on dates or do you just talk & email?  I think you should let him take the lead on kissing--it will come naturally if you are both attracted to each other.  If he's a serious Christian he might not want to get too physical very quickly.  A friend of mine who is a Christian and serious about it said that she does not believe in having sex outside of marriage--of course I didn't ask her details about what else she does cause it's none of my business.

As for who pays, I think on the first couple of dates if the guy asks you, he should pay--once you are in a relationship you can take turns.  good luck.

Avatar for sweettartnacho
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thanks. Well, he's said all the above - such as we both seem to have been thru similar things. We also had a discussion on both being introverts - which led to Myers Briggs. He did look up my M.B."classification". There do seem to be flurries of private convo via text/email. The hug was very long & "rubby". :) He rubbed my back & told me he'd talk to me soon. No dates yet, but feel it's coming, as Ive just had a major event in my life. I thought about saying to him - Well, I guess you & I should hang out together sometime. ;) I did think about the Christian thing. I am Christian too - but prob not as devout as he is. Id guess at some point it'd progress naturally. Paying? Maybe you're right. :) Id love to hear more opinions on this all. My gut is that he wants more than friendship - but I guess Im wondering outside, unbiased opinions.... :D