Am I crazy for him or are my hormones making me think so lol!?!??!?! And is he into me??????

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Am I crazy for him or are my hormones making me think so lol!?!??!?! And is he into me??????
4
Tue, 08-07-2012 - 3:17am

Hey everyone, I’m new on this board! I’m going crazy over a guy I started seeing and I think my judgment is being clouded by hormones ! I would really appreciate any opinions regarding him being into me and more so: am I really into him ???

I have been in a very unhappy and unhealthy relationship for ten years with a guy 15 years older than me. I was 26 he 41 when we met. He lost his job, bounced between several others and became unemployed the last time in 2008. The relationship  turned bad about 3 years ago when he started taking pain pills, he also drinks heavily and there are other factors  … but since he is out of work, I continue to enable  him and tell myself he isn’t so bad to live with and eventually he will find work and I will be able to break away with a clean conscience (I know it is enabling,  I am not in denial, I just dont have the heart to throw him out with no income). THEN as I got later into my thirties, I’m 36 now,I realized I was letting my life pass by while waiting for him to get off his lazy ass. Hes too irresponsible to marry and I'd never have kids with him (see above).

Three weeks ago my BF was away for the night and I was at a local bar. I know  CHRIS since we were kids, he's 39, great job, great personality and sexy as hell. We were in a great conversation  that I truly did not want to end at closing time. SO we got a six pack, hung out, ended up in bed and continue to see each other and have absolutely AMAZING CHEMESTRY. He texts me every morning when he gets up, tells me he misses me etc  This weekend we were able to actually go out to dinner rather than sneek about at his apartment. I really loved being with him!  We learned a lot about each other and of course  talked about my “stagnant” relationship and in a lump sum he basically told me he wants to be with me, have a relationship with me, realizes Rome wasn’t built in a day and that I need time to make my move from my BF but he is convinced I’m going to do that and isn’t going anywhere in the meantime.

I CANNOT stop thinking of him. I have beenworking out like mad & running miles &  miles to  release this pent up energy!  A male friend, who DOESNOT KNOW said I was "glowing" while talking about my house lol....I doubt that topic brought out the glow he saw. My mother , who does know about Chris & me agree I need to finally leave my “stagnant” BF and told me I “got it bad” for Chris and she thinks he feels the same. She likes him btw and though she likes my BF she pointed out to me that there will never be a future there….I’m rambling now....so help me out:

Is Chris into me? Am I clouded by crazy sexually charged hormones? Or could I have finally found what I havn’t had with my BF through all of these unhappy years of struggling with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003

 

You can't seriously be asking a bunch of strangers on some message board to tell you how you, and lover...feel about each other?

Just wanted to say this first: whilst I'm not judging your bf for the lifestyle he's chosen for himself - not everyone was born to work 24/7 and be a responsible sports coach in addition to CEO of a multinational - I aplaud you for deciding to not have children with him.  That was very clever of you and not many women understand that children is what you give up on if you go for a man like your bf - again, no disrespect. at all.  A result of this clever move is the fact that you are free to go anytime you like - with anyone you like.

I know you've been together for many many years, grown up with him and it'll most likely devastate him if you leave, hopefully not only because he'll have to become self-sufficient. But at the end of the day.....your life's your own, and you owe him nothing. NOT because you're not legally married -  marriage to me is an outdated relic. But because you don't  have children together.  

IMHO the question now should not be if you're crazy for whomever or if he's crazy for you, but how to gently and cleverly 'disconnect' yourself from bf.  I won't tell you to stop seeing Chris until you're free and have 'worked on your issues', this is  nonsense reserved for pointless self-help books. See him or not whilst you're separating from your bf, I wouldn't treat 'Chris' as anything of any importantce or with long term potential at present. We've all been there. Mad crazy lust. Adore him. We're made for each other. We're soul mates. We're meant to be together etc etc etc. Every new couple will tell you all those exact things about each other.

Give yourself  8-10 months at the very least. You will probably know what you truly feel for Chris and what he feels for you-  if anything- by the end of that time.

Also, I'm very happy for you that you have the kind of mother who can be told all this, and who can support you...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Of course right now you are driven by lust & infatuation w/ Chris--it's only been 3 weeks, plus you get the added excitement of it being clandestine.  Only time will tell if you are made for each other or not.  It could possibley work out--if you have known each other a long time, you probably know a lot more about each other than some stranger you just met in a bar.  If this is the impetus you need to break off from the bad BF, then it's a good thing.  Why would he even bother to give up his life of drinking/drugs & not working since you are supporting him & putting up with it?  There's no incentive for him to do anything else.  I think people like this usually only straighten themselves out when they hit bottom--you might actually be donig him a favor to tell him that you won't be supporting him any more and he needs to find somewhere else to go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006

LIfe is too short and if you've found someone whom you connect with and enjoy their company, and is always glowing around,and feeling better about yourself...then go for it.You do need to get rid of that current bf because he's only bringing you down.He needs to fend for himself while you go and persue hopefully a very promising more healthy relationship with a friend whom you have known for years...

Sometimes we all don't get a chance at what you get.One should always take a chance when it does arise.Good luck and go for it! :smileyhappy: