Am I doing everything wrong?
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|Wed, 08-12-2009 - 4:01pm|
OK, this could get long, but I need to give all the details.....
I met S online, we hit it off right away. We both agreed that it was as close to "Love at first sight" that either of us had ever encountered. He is 37, I am 39. He asked me within the first week to be exclusive with him. He works for the Dept. of Defense, and as a condition for his employment, he must also be in the National Guard. Hence, after 2 weeks of being with him, He found out he was being deployed to Iraq for a year. We both wanted to make it work, and 5 months later he left. It has been extremely difficult having him gone, I miss him terribly. When he first left, he was at a base in Oklahoma (we both live in Michigan) and would call me whenever he got a chance (twice a day), I also received gifts, flowers, love letters, etc. He asked me to marry him when he was in Oklahoma. He has been in Iraq for 4 months now (altogether we have been a couple for almost a year) We still talk about getting married when he returns. he tells me that he is buying me a ring and making it "official" during his midtour leave (4 weeks from now)
For a period of 2 months, probably the whole period of June/July ...we have been arguing quite a bit over the phone. He gets up at 4:30 A.m. (9:30 PM my time) every morning (he starts work at 7 a.m.) to call me, and we usually talk for an hour or so. even when we were having a difficult time of it, he still calls. We finally came to a breaking point about 3 weeks ago where we decided that we had to either break up, or make the commitment to find out what was making us argue, and to work on it. This is my "reason" for arguing: When he got to Iraq, things changed drastically. I was sending him cards, letters, care packages (weekly). But his letters stopped, he stopped calling me twice a day (was still calling me once a day for an hour) I know that this is actually a lot of communication for someone who is over there, but in the beginning, he made such an issue of keeping in contact with me and said that he actually got upset if he couldn’t. Today was his day off, and he didn’t call. I called him, and he was watching a movie. I told him that things have changed so drastically from when he first left. He says that he is just exhausted, that he still feels exactly the same way about me, but that I don’t give him a chance to “do” the things that he used to do. What is wrong here? I may be leaving some things out. But I guess my problem is, I was not the least bit clingy when we first started the relationship, now I feel that because of how he was…. (calling, texting, writing, etc) and the fact that it has all changed, I am now clinging and wanting that back. What should I do? What I want is for him to feel that way again. I feel like he doesn’t care as much. I guess I’m not happy with just the phone call. I can’t exactly “back off” am I supposed to not answer when he calls? I don’t want to feel like I am playing games, but why am I so upset? I have told him my feelings, and what I need, but I feel like he is tuning me out, even though he tells me that he understands. What should I do?