Am I going crazy??!?
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Am I going crazy??!?
| Thu, 01-19-2006 - 11:16am |
Hi all,
Im new to this message board thing and have never posted to one before but needed some "honest" opinions so here it goes:
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 1yr.(over Christmas)and have met someone new since then. My ex and I were having problems for a while so I am in NO WAY rebounding. I have been talking to this new guy for 2 1/2 weeks and i feel like I am going crazy already. We met for the first time on Sat Jan.7, after talking all week. He called me all day in anticipation of our date, but i procrastinated til 10:30 and didnt get over to his house until 11:00. It was too late to do anything, so I suggested that we stay in and watch movies. I knew that there was a risk that we would have sex cause I was VERY attracted to him, but i tried to be strong. By 2AM my strength was gone cause I ended up having sex with him(protected, of course) and I felt horrible afterwards because I have NEVER had sex so soon with someone. He held me afterwards and asked me if I would spend the night with him, but because I felt so bad I left. I didnt expect to hear anything from him anymore because i had sex with him so soon and with the timing of our date I figured that he probably thought that I came over there for that very purpose. To my surprise he called the next day and said that he wanted to see me again. We were both busy that day so we didnt get to see each other, however we continued to converse over the following week and made plans to meet up again the forthcoming weekend(last weekend). Again, I didnt get over there until late and the EXACT same scenario went on again, except this time I didnt feel as bad after I had sex with him. He held me again and asked if i would stay the night,however, I still didnt feel right so I left in the middle of the night. Now here is the real problem, since day 1 whenever we talk on the phone we have these short 5 min. conversations. He has a pattern of calling me everyday while on his dinner break and when he gets home, but each time the convo is only 5mins long and he is always the one to end the conversation first and it annoys me!!! On Tuesday night when we talked he said that he was kinda tired and that he would call me Wednesday(yesterday) and he never did. I am so used to guys giving me a lot of attention and wanting to stay on the phone with me. I guess Im so upset because I really would like to get to know him better and he's not giving me the opportunity to do so. I know that it is extrememly early to make assumptions but what should i do??? How can I tell if hes really into me?? We already made plans for tomorrow(Fri)night, so should I call to verify the plans, or should i even go out with him?? My instincts(yes i am selfish and spoiled) are telling me to drop him like a bad habit because i cant get the attention that I am used to!! Please help!!
Im new to this message board thing and have never posted to one before but needed some "honest" opinions so here it goes:
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 1yr.(over Christmas)and have met someone new since then. My ex and I were having problems for a while so I am in NO WAY rebounding. I have been talking to this new guy for 2 1/2 weeks and i feel like I am going crazy already. We met for the first time on Sat Jan.7, after talking all week. He called me all day in anticipation of our date, but i procrastinated til 10:30 and didnt get over to his house until 11:00. It was too late to do anything, so I suggested that we stay in and watch movies. I knew that there was a risk that we would have sex cause I was VERY attracted to him, but i tried to be strong. By 2AM my strength was gone cause I ended up having sex with him(protected, of course) and I felt horrible afterwards because I have NEVER had sex so soon with someone. He held me afterwards and asked me if I would spend the night with him, but because I felt so bad I left. I didnt expect to hear anything from him anymore because i had sex with him so soon and with the timing of our date I figured that he probably thought that I came over there for that very purpose. To my surprise he called the next day and said that he wanted to see me again. We were both busy that day so we didnt get to see each other, however we continued to converse over the following week and made plans to meet up again the forthcoming weekend(last weekend). Again, I didnt get over there until late and the EXACT same scenario went on again, except this time I didnt feel as bad after I had sex with him. He held me again and asked if i would stay the night,however, I still didnt feel right so I left in the middle of the night. Now here is the real problem, since day 1 whenever we talk on the phone we have these short 5 min. conversations. He has a pattern of calling me everyday while on his dinner break and when he gets home, but each time the convo is only 5mins long and he is always the one to end the conversation first and it annoys me!!! On Tuesday night when we talked he said that he was kinda tired and that he would call me Wednesday(yesterday) and he never did. I am so used to guys giving me a lot of attention and wanting to stay on the phone with me. I guess Im so upset because I really would like to get to know him better and he's not giving me the opportunity to do so. I know that it is extrememly early to make assumptions but what should i do??? How can I tell if hes really into me?? We already made plans for tomorrow(Fri)night, so should I call to verify the plans, or should i even go out with him?? My instincts(yes i am selfish and spoiled) are telling me to drop him like a bad habit because i cant get the attention that I am used to!! Please help!!

<< If so, it sounds like he is more interested in a booty call from you than anything else. A man that really wants to get to know you will want to take you on dates outside of his bedroom.>>
Whoa, let's review for a moment: she said << He called me all day in anticipation of our date, but i procrastinated til 10:30 and didnt get over to his house until 11:00. It was too late to do anything, so I suggested that we stay in and watch movies. >>
Sounds like he made the effort (ie, called her all day in anticipation of their date) ... but SHE procrastinated and ended up going over late, just "hanging out" which lead to sex ... twice, same scenario. It was on her volition that she went to his house rather than going out. So, not sure why you're blaming him for not wanting to take her out? It was her choice to procrastinate the first time, rather than letting him take her out. It's not like he CALLED HER at 10:30 pm and said "do you want to come over?" ... that would be a booty call. She decided to wait until it was too late to go out, but decided to go over to his house anyway ... just because he was ok with that doesn't mean that wasn't willing to take her out earlier ... if she hadn't procrastinated, kwim?
So, if I were him, at this point ... I'd be thinking "she doesn't want to go out, she seems to like just hanging out" ... so, the precedent that's being set is that taking her out isn't a requirement for hanging out. After all, that's the message that she's sending thus ... that, since she follows-up late/procrastinates, she'd rather go to his house and have sex than go out on a date. If I were him, I might be a little confused as to whether or not she WANTS to go on a date!
To our OP, this will go one of two ways at this point: he'll either *think* that you'd rather just stay in, because of past precedent, so ... he may not ask you out now. Or, he'll ask you out (as you said, you have plans for Friday, right?) and most likely assume that after going out, it will led to going back to his house ... because that's how things have gone.
So, it's up to you to not do things that make you "feel bad" afterward. It's not up to him to make your choices.
<>
If he would of really made an effort he would of made concrete plans such as making dinner reservations and/or letting her know what was in store for them that night which would of made her get to his place much sooner. I just think that first dates that are in a person's apartment do not lead to good things. I do agree with you that she did set a precedent for making him think that she doesn't want to go out and it is now up to her to change future dates.
Laughing myself into a frenzy here.
Honey, he doesn't have to put any more time, effort, or energy or money into getting laid than "5 minutes of his time" - you're over there like a shot, you're "late" becuase you have insecurities, that eliminates his need to plan, prepare and "date" you in reality - and everybody gets laid and goes home.
HE's had plenty of first date sex.....he sees nothing wrong with it. You're not the exception to his values, you're following along with his ideas.
If you NOW want him to want more in terms of getting to know you - sex won't get you that, and nothing you do forces him to want it.
Basically, he was quite content to ask you to come over and hang out and get laid. All he wants is to hang out and get laid....he's not interested in wining, dining, romancing, or dating someone who belives they need 'attention'.
If you can't settle for some wham bam thank you ma'am as attention - you need to move on. And while you're at it - you really ought to get yourself tested for STD's - as embarrassing as it'd be.
Because he does this with anybody that is willing, and lots of girls have been willing to go there and "snuggle" thinking it's "the road to a relationship" - when it was really not.
So you making sure you didn't catch something from him that he's just a carrier of is an excellent idea - before you go out thinking that you're deserving of attention, and giving away sex to get it with the next guy.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
"I am so used to guys giving me a lot of attention and wanting to stay on the phone with me."
I think you have given him the impression that he's providing the kind of attention you want, and it has nothing to do with talking on the phone. I'd say yes, do the guy a favor and move on.
You asked for some honest opinions and you certainly got them, that's for sure :)