am i an idiot

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2005
am i an idiot
3
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 3:49pm
Well me and my boyfriend have been togeather for almost 9 years we have to kids but he dosen't want to marry me and doesn't know if he wants to be with me for the rest of our lives. I hope that he will feel that way about me. We have a good realationship and we get along great never fight we argue sometimes but not that often we both are happy togeather. Well we broke up for about a month a few months ago we have been back togeather for 2 months. I don't know were we are going he says he loves me and wants to be with me and i love him and want to be with him i just want more and i am hoping that he will want to marry me someday. Plus its easier being togeather for the kids.
so what do you think i should do leave and go our seperate ways or just be patient and see were things are going to go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Sun, 06-19-2005 - 8:33pm
Well 9 years is a long time with no marriage committment, you've had two children together and he still hasn't stepped towards marriage, maybe he is just not that interested in ever getting married. If marriage is important to you then I would think this may not be the guy for you. If you can see yourself staying a "girlfriend" forever, I mean you already have children together, you are in essence a family, if you can do it without a marriage certificate then stay, but if marriage is that important to you, I don't think this is the right guy for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 12:52am
In my honest opinion, if after 9 years -of living together and 2 kids- your man not sure if he wants to be with you the rest of your life then he's not changing. You hope he marries you, but apparently you've been waiting for that for at least 6 years. What do you want to do? Do you want to marry? Do you want to wait for the rest of your life to see if he marries you? Being together for the kids is not enough to keep living with him. It could be possible that the most desired question of "do you want to marry me" would never come. You can do three things: 1) wait and wait and wait some more until you can't do it anymore and decide to leave him, 2) talk to him seriously and give him the ultimatum, set a time line and leave him if he doesn't proposed by the due date -he's not giving you what you and your children need, OR 3) continue leaving the way you are. This last option though can bring the possibility of him leaving you, as he's said that he doesn't know if he wants to spend lis life with you. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 2:11pm
I agree, set you boundaries now and go with it.
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