am i just stupid to do it again?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
am i just stupid to do it again?
18
Mon, 05-02-2005 - 3:43pm
well i know i posted asking whether or not i should tell that guy i like him,which i havent but now i have another issue..my exboyfriend and i are friends now, we broke up because he cheated on me well we decided on this kind of FWB things (i know i should just give up on those lol they just cause me so many problems!) but anyway so he was also overseas and he came back and i have stayed at his house twice now...since going out to sea (it was his first time) he has changed a lot, for the better. before he left he didnt have one permanent place to live he would stay at my house or his brothers or his moms, now he has an apartment, him and i are real with each other we dont lie to each other any more his whole attitude on life has changed for the better. but anyway now that we have been spending time together and talking on the phone like everyday im starting to think that i still love him...i know they say once a cheater always a cheater but do you think its possible he really may have changed? i dont know his feelings about all this at this point..i want to tell him how i feel (unlike with the other guy, im not scared to tell my ex) but i know if we decide to get back together now or just wait it out and maybe see what happens later i will have no support from anyone but him and his family and friends. my friends of course think hes stupid and an ass because he cheated on me. when i realized i started to feel this way i couldnt even call my best friend becuase i know she would have sayed i told you so, so i had to call one of his bestfriends cuz i really needed someone to talk to.i dont know do you guys think it would be stupid of me to give him another chance? i know i said i like the other guy but i know hes not ready for a serious relationship and everything and right now thats what i want. i dont know if i would be making a big mistake by bringing this up and possibly getting back with my ex...what do you guys think???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Tue, 05-03-2005 - 11:48pm
well this is in reply to everyones questions cuz you all basically asked the same thing...i didnt tell him lets jump back in and be together again because last time we broke up and did that it just went really bad we just want to spend time together and not feel so much pressure about it. this is the 3rd time we would be getting back together, im in it for the long haul if i am giving him a 3rd chance and i want to make sure that im ready to do that and see that im not gonna get heart broken again cuz he turned back in to his old ways. just being friends these past couple months has already made our relationship stronger. yes we both love each other a lot and i do see the point in why not just be together exclusivly but i just need time to continue thinking this thru as does he before we make any more promises to each other. i know im not gonna go sleeping around with people and neither is he (trust me i just know) but i didnt mean we are free to sleep around (well if we really wanted to i guess we could) i meant that you know we are free to go on a date with someone or go out with someone with out feeling like we are cheating on each other. now that i really think about what you guys are saying i dont want him to fall in love with another girl!!! lol i am gonna talk to him thursday when i see him about all this again. i think also i just need to forget what everyone else thinks for a second and realize what it is exactly i want and talk to him about it...its so hard tho do totally disregard what your bestfriend in the whole world thinks tho..but i guess it must be done for my happiness..i know she will always be there in the end no matter if its my wedding day with him or a shoulder to cry on yet again...man you guys are great :) you really open my eyes to some things thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Sun, 05-15-2005 - 11:07pm

well i finally talked to him again about not seeing anyone else and we had agreed that we both feel there is no need to see other people because we have each other again and he said he wasnt going to and i said neither am i well on this website thing we both have "myspace" im sure some of you have heard of it...he asked this girl for her number! i dont know what to think should i be mad should i not be able to get mad...when we said we werent gonna see other people we never said that we were officiall together again either..im guessing that was my first mistake i should have said ok then were together and thats that..but i didnt..but i dont know how to react to this comment about that girls number..im starting to think hes just all talk..i told him he better not break my heart again and i said i wont break his but im beginning to think im just on that road to heart break yet again by him...am i crazy or should this really be bothering me the way it is?? what do i say to him??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 3:14am

Hi Lovebites,

oh dear...

He already lied to you??? He said that he did not intend/want to see anyone else either, yet he asked for another girl's number...??? That doesn't sound like a guy who didn't intend on seeing anyone else.

I'm sorry, don't mean to be harsh, but jeez, that was quick! If it were me, I would pull back out of the situation. I wouldn't risk it with a guy who's cheated on me before. But, I'm a spaz about cheating :OP.

I know you both agreed to be free to see other people, but the fact that he told you that he didn't want to see anyone else anyways (after the fact of asking for this girl's number) was so wrong of him...in my opinion.

Hope I'm wrong :O(...hugs!
Yvy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 4:12am

he asked for her number after he told me that stuff but what a total relief i just talked to his best friend and his best friend did it as a joke because he left his account logged in on his friends computer ...he didnt lie to me! i told his friend he sucks and im gonna smack him when i see him next but im glad i know cuz i woulda felt stupid when my "boyfriend/ not boyfriend" told me that it was his friend lol...i had already told him i want to talk to him and stuff but i have something else i wanna talk to him about too so i wont feel that dumb, thanks anyways tho!

<3 love bites

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 4:04pm
Even though this "asking another girl for her #" thing turned out to be a joke, I would still exercise extreme caution...If this guy cheated on you before, what's to say he won''t do it again? You seem to have a lot of trust in him and naive belief that he will be true to his word and true to you...But words can be empty. He could be saying anything just to satisfy you...(in fact, what if he asked his best friend to say that it was a joke done by his friend just so you wouldn't know about it? that's prob. a little farfetched, but you should consider all the possibilities.
Just starting out this new relationship by having FWB is a little sketchy to me, and it makes me wonder what this relationship is really based on?
So please don't believe everything he says just because you (supposedly) love him and want it all to work out...Be careful, you have the right to question him (not necessarily in words directed to him), but based on his history with you, you definitely have reason to be doubtful and to watch him closely. You probably don't want to do that, but if this relationship means anything to you, you owe it to yourself to be cautious...You deserve better than being cheated on-though i'm not saying that it'll necessarily happen again...
but just think, what if you agree to dating him exclusively (and it sounds like u've pretty much decided that), and suddenly he pulls a fast one on you? that'd be pretty sad for you, considering how much you're investing in this guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Mon, 05-16-2005 - 5:48pm
thanks...yea this time around i am being very cautious..i know the signs to watch for in him now and im on the look out....i dont totally trust him the way i make it sound thats why when i saw the phone number thing i immediatly told him we need to talk the first chance he has. im still cautious about all this im not in it with all my heart just yet. i know that if it works out then great im so happy but if not then oh well i gotta move on..not saying i dont care if it doesnt work out cuz of course ill be crushed but im prepared for the best or the worst. and now i have my family and my best friends support...even my best friend who was against me even hanging out with him told me today "maybe he really is trying to change"....thanks for the advice!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Tue, 05-17-2005 - 2:50pm

I'm curious...

Besides "being cautious" and "taking it slow" what EXACTLY are you two doing to make sure a break up does not happen again? I mean, how are you two talking about the past, understanding what you did, taking responsibilty for what you did, learning from it, growing, etc. Are you doing any of that?

If not, the r'ship won't last, just cuz you take it slow and are cautious. If you both haven't changed yourselves, and learned and taken responsibility then you haven't learned a thing....

and the ONLY way a r'ship works a second, or even a third time around, is if you put the hard work it takes into changing yourself and making it stick.

I wish you all the luck, however, you both need to think beyond "being cautious and tkaing it slow"

~pineapple_girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2005
Wed, 05-18-2005 - 4:44pm
we have talked about what happen in the past lots of times...the whole time we were working on just being friends again we started talking about it cuz i told him i couldnt even be friends with him if i dont understand what exactly happen and why...and then when we started talking about getting back together in the future i told him yea i want to i freakin love you but im scared that your just gonna break my heart again and we talked about a lot of things he told me like what hes concerened about i told him my concerns and we are on the same page now...when we were both apart after we broke up we both really grew up a lot. i know i did and i can tell in him that he did too (or i wouldnt be wanting to be with him again) him going out to sea was the best thing that he could have ever done for him self...and me just being completely away from him for those months changed me a lot..i had time to grow with out still having to see him and still having to think about my feelings for him..

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