Am I making a big deal in my head?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2006
Am I making a big deal in my head?
Thu, 08-19-2010 - 11:35pm

I've been dating a great guy for the past 3 years. I meant him shortly after I was divorced. I was very nervous it was a rebound so we went VERY slow and it was great. I have 2 kids and live 30 minutes from him so we don't get to see each other everyday. When I first met him I was smitten by all of the attention I was getting - 3 years later he has definitely fallen into the comfortable stage. Over the past year he has started to verbally acknowledge pretty women when he sees them with a 'Damn she's hot' or 'Mmmm' like he's enjoying a moment with himself and her in his mind. Now don't get me wrong I understand that we are all attracted to the opposite sex, and I've had a few Damn's and mmm's in my head - but that's where it stays in my head and it leaves as fast as it comes. I've brought it up to him a few times and he says he does it to get a rise out of me, but I've explained to him that I don't appreciate it. He blows it off and it stops for a bit but comes every now and then. So that's the back ground of where my head is... now what I need advice on... He is into theatre and is going for a racey part which would land him interacting with women in some risque scenes. No nudity. I honestly don't feel comfortable with it, but I've always supported him with his shows. I feel like he has emotional relationships with the cast when he does shows, but now there will be sexual innuendos as well. I'm not comfortable with it, but I don't know what or if I should do anything about it. I need some advice ladies - how would you feel? What would you do? Am I over thinking this way too much and need to stop?

Thanks for your input

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 9:45am

It takes a thick skin to be with someone who is into acting, modeling, or entertainment. I've done a lot of acting myself and I can verify that cast members do develop an emotional closeness. Some people can handle it and some can't. Do you fear that he will become too close with these people and be unable to maintain a friendship with them without it going too far? Has he given you reason to mistrust him in the past?

My problem with him is that he does things to get a rise out of you and continues to do it knowing it bothers you. People who love one another don't do that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2006
Fri, 08-20-2010 - 8:51pm
He hasn't given me reason, but my gut has. I brush off my gut because I have been betrayed before and don't want to punish him for things that happened in my past. I've been with him through many shows and do get a tinge of jealously when I see the closeness he has with the woman of the cast. He usually gravitates towards the young pretty girls too. Now I have no problem with him having friendships with the opposite sex, I don't put limitations on him like that. I don't know, I just have a strange feeling about him doing the show.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2009
Mon, 08-23-2010 - 8:08pm

It does take a thick skin to be the the stage types.

Secondly, why are you brushing off your intuition? Every time I have done that (and I have) its been a horrible mistake.

Go WITH your gut.

Even if you cant come up with a reason.

You can talk to him about it, and if his answers quell that gut feeling, fine. If they dont move on.

You really dont want to be second guessing yourself.

Womens intuition is no fallacy.