I don't think you've lost who you are, you've adapted and changed who you are. But all those changes go into the makeup of who you are. It's a sum total, not pieces parts here and there. I also think that you should tell Chase some of what you've mentioned here. Specifically about how you feel like exploring your likes and dislikes with hobbies, talents, and goals. If he's the great guy everyone says he is, he'll probably be enthusiastic about you getting out and finding activities you enjoy and are good at. You don't need to be single to take a class in art or photography. You don't need to be dating (whoring??) around all of Utah because of some mystic youth you feel you didn't experience. What you missed out on is even more heartache, largly more of the negative ashamed regret you feel about Shaun and Jordan. You've got two guys to look back on and feel foolish about instead of ten.
I don't know if this is a matter of your maturity. It kind of sounds like you think to settle down you have to give up what you like and want, because that's what you've done. That's what you've done in failed relationships. Lasting happily-ever-after kind of relationships have outside interests. They have hobbies and talents and skills used to bring interest to the couple.
Sounds like you need to listen and pay attention more to the thoughts in your head. You are on the right track too!
Just because kids your age in Utah get married young, doesn't mean you should be either. If fact it's probably a bad idea. Life has changed a lot between 18 and 21 and will even more between 21 and 30, and you have plenty of time to date, experience life, get a career established...etc. Feeling the rush to get married and start a family will only grow over the next few years, and