am I overreacting please help...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2003
am I overreacting please help...
6
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 5:44am

Listen I need an honest unbiased answer. Yesterday I was talking to my BF about dinner and said that I would like to go to a hibiach rest. He is a very picky eater and wont try anything new. He said go with your sister or someone else if I wanted to go. I told him that I would like him to try it out with me just once but he said no so I left it alone. I was annoyed because I go places and eat foods he likes all the time and thought just once he would go some where I liked and try it out. He calls back and changes his mind a couple hours later and says that he will go now. I thinking cool we dont normally do that.

When we were on our way to the restaurant he says that he will go but will not eat anything from there. We get in the restaurant and sit down infront of one of those grills he orders a soda that is it. I thought he was kidding about not eating anything. I order my dinner and stuff. The chef comes out and does the cooking on one of those grills and if you have ever been to one of those restaurants you get to see him do different trickes while he is cooking, sort of like a show. He just sitts there and plays with his phone and we have absolutely no conversation between us. Dead silence. He doesnt even look up to see anything that is going on. A couple of people come in to the restaurant that he knows he looks up shakes there hands says hi and doesnt even bother to introduce me. I eat by myself him still playing with his phone. At the end I get the check give my card and when she comes back and hands it to me to sign he gets up(without saying anything) and walks out of the restaurant and waits in the lobby front. At this point I was angry and when we get home I tried to talk to him about it. I asked him what was his problem and he kepts saying stop trying to argue with me. Then I tried to tell him how I felt about how he acted and how it bothered me and he said stop yelling at me(didnt think I was yelling), I didnt do anything or say anything to you. I said you didnt even talk to me you just sat there like you were annoyed or embarrassed or something. He said you didnt talk to me. I am not your kid stop treating me like this then tells me to take him home. I know I sounded annoyed when I was talking to him even had an attitude but I was not yelling at least I thought I wasnt. I didnt curse or saying anything except how I felt. I call him later around 1130 before I went to bed since he didnt call me and he tells me again that I was yelling at him and that I already told him how I felt so why am I calling him. Then he says that I am ungratedful that he does things for me all the time like put my kid on the bus and clean up my house even when he doesnt want to. He said he did nothing wrong because he didnt say anything and I am just trying to argue with him. And that I was mad because he didnt eat that is what this is over. I didnt even go there with the I do this for you and you do that for me thing because I was tired and hurt and it doesnt go anywhere with him. And frankly I do things for him because I love him not so that I can through it in his face later. That was last night. No phone call back or this morning. Now my question is am I overreacting about being upset with how the nite laid out? If you were in my shoes would you find that to be normally or would you tolerate that? Just because he sat there and didnt say anything am I overreacting with how he treated me

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 9:45am

No I don't think you are overreacting on this one. You should want to be with your boyfriend and your boyfriend should want to be with you. You SHOULD NOT be doing all the work and making the effort. He obviously is have a little bitch fit and is using excuses because he doesn't want to compromise and at least work with you. He's obviously immature,It's a 50/50 street and if he's only doing 10 or 20, then you need to dump him. It's THAT SIMPLE!

But I have a few questions for you, like how long you have been with this guy, your ages, has he always been like this around you, or is there some underlying issue going on that he may or may not be telling you about. This guy sounds really immature if you ask me. That whole quote you had below "Then he says that I am ungratedful that he does things for me all the time like put my kid on the bus and clean up my house even when he doesnt want to" is such as BS line.

I know that if I were in your situation, I would have every right to be upset and angry for the way he's treating me. In the way that he's acting I would say something is up between you two..maybe he's just not "feelin" you anymore, and the feelings are gone on his end. Frankly in the way that he treated you when you went out.. I would say that's the case.

Normally arguements happen because one person is unhappy and/or the other isn't paying attention to the other person. For that I think it's best if you dump this guy and move on with you're life. You should not be treated neglectfully like he's been doing in this instance.

If I were you, I would do this. Ask yourself how long he's been acting "picky" or acting different in a way that's been making you question him or made you upset. See what you're personal goals are and see what his is (ex: like if you want to move into together or get married). I would sit down with him, ask him what his true deal and what's been going on. If he can't honestly tell you what he's feeling, and keeps blaming you for stupid stuff, then hopefully you will know you're answer. If you two aren't on the same page, then do him a favor and let him go. Don't hold on to something that's not going to work or is making you unhappy. It's easier said than done.

Also keep in mind of something that I have learned. If you feel that you are put in a position like this and feel that "Hmm, am I overreacting on this?"...you shouldn't question yourself AT ALL. More times than not women tend to ignore there gut reactions and instincts, which in turn leads them to hold on to something that was never meant to be in the first place. You have a lot of life to live, don't waste it on someone who isn't willing to put forth the effort that you are already putting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2005
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 11:21am
No you are not overreacting I would of felt the same way as you did that night. If he didn't really want to go and was only going cause he wanted to "even the score" than he should have stayed home. I'm sure that you would of had a better time going with one of your friends. Don't allow him to turn the tables on you and make you feel guilty about how you acted towards him and the next time he wants to go somewhere that you don't want to put your foot down and tell him you don't feel like it. Like the other poster said he sounds very immature.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 11:39am
I think you're missing the bigger picture here. Whether or not you are overreacting isn't it. The bigger picture here is the underlying issues that lead up to this night. Your BF is telling you these problems he has with you and all you're seeing is last night. Men who are narcissistic act like this. Men in love will put up with a lot from their woman before they act like this. Which one is your BF? He's telling you he feels unappreciated and that you treat him like a child. Now either there is truth to that and he's the man in love who took it for so long before he started acting out, or there is no truth, you're the postergirl for appreciative respectful girlfriends and he's narcissistic. The answer to whether or not you're overreacting is answered in the answer to which one your BF is.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 4:04pm
I guess I need more background and history on you guys before I can determine if you are overreacting. Like the last poster said this could have been building up within him for sometime now. Has he acted like this before towards you? Has he told you he's felt unappreciated before. Have you guys been having apparent problems before this one? These things should all be taken into consideration. I believe for that one situation and not counting other situations that yes he was overreacting and being immature. If he was not happy with going with you to the restaurant and felt like he was forced to do it, he should have told you in a mature/calm manner instead of going against his will and acting like a child. Maybe he reacted because things have been building up lately. I think the best thing to do would be to try to have a calm conversation with him again when things cool down and try to figure out where he's coming from and if he's felt unappreciated overall.
Another thing I would take into consideration is the way you asked him to go with you and also the way you reacted when he said he didn't want to go. If you told him in a calm manner that it would make you happy if he went with you and that it was important to you for him to share in some of the things you like as well instead of placing the blame and saying that he never goes places with you then I don't see why he would say no and act like a baby. But maybe if you were accusing him of never going anywhere with you then I can see how he would be upset and felt like he was going against his will. If you are anything like me you are one to end up sacrificing and doing things that you don't really enjoy for a man you care about and you really want the same of your partner. I can see where you are coming from and I would be upset too but make sure you talk this out with him and see where he stands before you make any rash decisions.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-17-2006 - 7:39pm

Oh, no...I was so dismayed to read this post and see you are still with him. I thought you had decided to break things off a few weeks ago and I was very happy for you, because that is SO clearly the right decision, based on all that you have posted about him.

Frankly, this is a drop in the bucket compared to the other things you've posted about.

What do you think it's going to take for you to say "enough"?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 2:02am
My answer is simple. I love to eat out and I love to explore different foods. If a guy is a picky eater, then he's not the guy for me.
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