Any hope at all?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Any hope at all?
3
Thu, 06-04-2009 - 12:36am
Today my boyfriend broke up with me. He did it over a text and I knew it was a fake reason because he had promised me he wouldn't break up with me over being selfish and think i deserve better because i don't want better i want him. Well i had him call me and I asked him what the real reason was. So he went off on me about how a really bad job offer, a dirty one, got offered to him and I had asked 3 of our friends for help, advice on what i should do to get him not to accept it. So one of my friends thought it would be funny to tell him i told them about the job. So he goes on saying how he had told me about it in confidence and how he was hurt and that i blabbed it to everyone and that he did still want to be friends. Once he hung up I realized he overreacted badly. He didn't tell me about it, i was laying by him when his friend called and offered it, and i didn't blab it to everyone. He said he trusted me most yet he didn't trust that i only said it to three people and it was for advice. I know it was wrong but if you knew you would understand and i'm not going to explain it. This is the first huge thing that came between us as a couple, we've been on and off for over a year, and I had hoped we could work through it as a couple but he just seemed to have given up. He said he still wants to be my friend, and that's how the other breakups ended and we started dating like a month after every time. He said he just needed time, do you think there is any hope that he will see that he overreacted or come back and try and work through it? He said he cared a lot about me and always will, will that be enough that he'll try to work through it and let me gain the trust i apparently lost back? Or should I just wait it out and hang out as friends and try to rekindle it? Or try to apologize and grovel or something, tell him i'll do anything?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
In reply to: ellipses
Thu, 06-04-2009 - 8:47am

Not sure how old you are, sounds like you are very young but this doesn't sound promising from the get go. The definition of insanity is doing something the same over and over again and expecting a different result. Break up, friends, get back together, repeating the cycle, sounds like a hampster on a wheel just keeps going around and around and never getting anywhere.

I don't see where he overreacted. Just because you think he did, doesn't mean he did, evidently he thinks differently than you... or it could be an excuse to finally end the dead end relationship. If someone tells you something in confidence then you shouldn't blab it to your friend.

You have been off and on for a year, that is a huge red flag waving. A good relationship isn't off and on, you work together to fix problems. He doesn't trust you, and it sounds like for good reason and without trust a relationship is doomed. You can't be just friends as long as you have feelings for him other than friendship. Let this guy go, later on down the road when you have gotten over him then you might be friends but not now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
In reply to: ellipses
Thu, 06-04-2009 - 1:56pm

Here's another idea. How about just letting him go.


His head is not in the right place, and if he told you not to tell anyone about his job, then maybe you shouldn't have done that. However if you told your friends, and he overreacted, then maybe he's the one with issues and not you. Why put in the extra usless effort when it will get you no where? Plus you have been on and off for over a year, why waste any additional time deal with someone that doesn't want to put in the effort to change and keep it together.


Seriously, you should take all of this as a lesson learn and let him go. If he truely wants to be with you, he'll call you and get a hold of you eventually. Whether it be a few weeks, months or whenever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2009
In reply to: ellipses
Sat, 06-13-2009 - 10:40pm

>>do you think there is any hope that he will see that he overreacted or come back and try and work through it? He said he cared a lot about me and always will, will that be enough that he'll try to work through it and let me gain the trust i apparently lost back? Or should I just wait it out and hang out as friends and try to rekindle it? Or try to apologize and grovel or something, tell him i'll do anything?<<